Years add wisdom, difficulties build strength, love moves mountains, tears nourish growth, dreams reveal purpose, character buries superficiality...Truth IS.

Monday, May 20, 2013

DUTY--The "Am/Can/Will" vs. The "Am not, Can't, and Won't" Mindset.

Good morning folks!!

It is SO beautiful here this morning.  I've already been outside sitting on my porch, sipping my coffee, taking in the smell of lilac, listening to the birds, and enjoying the calm before the bustle of travelers heading into work and the school buses commuting students to school commenced.  What a lovely morning!

I have had quite a lengthy absence from my blog, as the usual turning over of the garden soil, lawn maintenance, trimming, and the like have sort of commanded my attention...and you will have no complaints from me!!  I am a "am, can, and will" sort of person, so my sense of duty comes very naturally and is based mostly upon "moral obligation" moreso than any "forced" sense of duty.  I embrace the work it takes to combine who I am with the things I set out to do.  Though, the wise will say that a person is not defined by what they do, I do believe that the attitude you carry with you into tasks you willfully commit yourself to is a pretty good indicator of whether you are a "am, can, and will" or a "am not, can't, and won't" type of person...and from where your sense of duty originates.

"AM/CAN/WILL
The "am, can, and will" type does not need to be cajoled, hinted at, or demanded to do anything that needs to be done.  They already know and are willing, ready, and able to accept and take on the responsibility and will try anything at least once.  They tend to be more frugal with time, money, and always enumerate their tasks from an ingrained priority list.  They tend to be more thoughtful of the commitments they enter into, making sure that enough time, energy, ability, and finances will support their decision BEFORE they take on anything that requires personal responsibility and upkeep---as these types also take this very seriously as well.  Sometimes, the original "plan" changes, and the "am, can, and will" will have to re-prioritize  re-plan  and reconfigure his/her role within the plan, but you can bet, he/she will have the attitude of "whatever it takes" and "you do what you gotta do" because to the "am, can, and wills"--it is inconsequential what someone else does or doesn't do...their sense of duty is MORAL and is based upon a greater good, and they have to live up to their word and at least put up their best effort to make it work if they are to sleep well at night.  They are very independent types who scoff at depending upon anyone to do what they feel they are completely capable of doing themselves.  Of course, there are things that just shouldn't be "tried at home"..by novices and left to the paid service of professionals, but even in this....if it needs to be done, these types make sure it gets done.  It may entail a little juggling of finance, and time, but again...there are PRIORITIES and these types have a keen sense of what takes precedence --even when unforeseen and unplanned circumstance forces changes upon them from time to time.  To these types, it is very important that everything that surrounds them is a reflection of what is inside of them.  Whatever they do, they do to the very best of their ability.  It is not enough for these types to "just get the job done"..as they are adverse to mediocrity.  They greatly appreciate all that they have, even if it isn't the best of anything to anyone else's measure or standard.  To them, their home is their castle, their car is their chariot, their children are their heart, and everything they have ever earned is a prized souvenir of great travels.  They cannot rest if they are not improving, investing, and contributing.

AM NOT/CAN'T/WON'T
This type generally goes about life "searching" for that one thing that will make their life complete at different times.  They base their commitments upon novelty and what feels good at the time, or what looks good on paper.  Their sense of duty is based upon acceptance and being seen in a good light by onlookers.  Their sense of priority is skewed and changes like a chameleon as it is highly influenced by their surroundings and the company they keep.  Although they may "appear" to have it all together, have strong work ethic, and a sense of moral duty, it is only show to those who actually do...so they can, by association be seen in that light as well.  They usually are looking to befriend those who can do something FOR them...and always have an excuse or object of blame at the ready when they cannot produce what they have committed to.   They are highly dependent individuals who play the "damsel in distress" and "poor me" card WAY too much.  They seem to be incapable of making decisions for their lives on their own and depend upon the input of others to sway them one way or the other.  Though they are very adverse to anyone who "offers" advice to them without them FIRST seeking it, because of their controlling nature.  They generally have no respect for the property or feelings of others UNLESS it can benefit them in some way--and if you look close enough, you will see that they really have very little respect for their own things and property.  Because their happiness is based upon novelty...we all know how temporary that is...once the newness wears off...and upkeep sets in...they become detached and totally uninterested.  They look to be stimulated all of the time and actually (as much as they bitch about it) LOVE chaos and drama...and if they can be the catalyst...it is all the better.  In opposition to their counterparts, their focus is upon what they absolutely WILL NOT DO...because usually, this will get their hands a little dirty...and dirty hands does not an "attractive and acceptable to others" person make.  They will say things like "I don't know how you do it" and "I wish I was as strong as you" in an effort to "butter you up" and provoke rescue.  But what the "am not/can't and won't" just doesn't understand is that once the "am, can, and will" sees what you do and how you behave when there is no audience to impress, he/she becomes disenchanted with the display and then expects you to maybe WATCH and LEARN instead of soliciting someone to do it FOR you.  They do the very LEAST that is expected of them, and their "play-time" seems to always take precedence over obligation of any sort.  They prioritize their time, effort, and finance to all of the "feel-good" moments...and if they have any energy, money, or time left over...they may do 1/8 of what may be expected of them...just so they can say they made an effort.  What is expected OF them, they also see as an imposition from others--not something they expect of themselves.  There doesn't seem to be any "true to word or form" morality.  Because their lives are a display, they are incapable of instinctively KNOWING anything but what they are told...but just try to tell them something they don't want to hear....oh boy!

As you can probably deduce, these two types do not fit, mix, or "play nice in the sandbox."  There are those of moral obligation and duty (that stems from the need to preserve and improve upon what is earned or gifted) and those of forced obligation (that stems from selfish need to obtain something from others) 2 Corinthians 6:14 states: "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers; for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness and what communion hath light with darkness?"

When you invite anyone into your life believing that you are of the same mind and heart...and find that your goals, your aspirations, and your work to preserve what you love is being fought every step of the way, and it seems like you have to battle the will of another to preserve and/or improve what is rightfully yours, it is time to kick 'em to the curb.  I have no commonality or fellowship with this type of individual...it is an oil and water scenario.  You are either a person of your word, or you are not.  You are either morally driven, or you are not.  You either have self-discipline or you do not.  What you do when others are not watching is the best indicator of who you are inside and how you treat those who cannot do anything FOR you is another.

The difference between a cheerful giver and a rescuer (enabler) is the COST.  If every time someone "forgets" or it "slips their mind" or "never crossed their mind"...it ends up costing YOU something...ya know what you are dealing with.

FIRST TEST GRADE AFTER INTENSIVE LESSON:  A+

Time to move on to the next...because I choose to move forward, not relive over and over again...my past.

"Wisdom is knowing what to do next, virtue is doing it."~David Star Jordan.

"Character is doing the right thing when nobody's looking.  There are too many people that think that the only thing that's right is getting by and the only thing that's wrong is getting caught."~J.C. Watts.

"If you have integrity, nothing else matters.  If you don't have integrity, nothing else matters."~Alan Simpson.

"Everyone complains of his memory, but no one complains of his judgement."~Francois de La Rochefoucauld.

"Persons with weight of character carry, like planets, their atmospheres along with them in their orbits."~Thomas Hardy.

Good day to all...it looks like it's gonna be a beauty!!