tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13120724087572211512024-02-02T01:08:33.465-05:00We are ONE firstWhat place do these question/answer sessions we have within have in who we ultimately turn out to be. We are all here for a reason and our day-to-day lives are where we learn the most integral lessons, marking the steps to our ultimate purpose. RainaMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363225677870877894noreply@blogger.comBlogger153125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1312072408757221151.post-45907283678613724872016-06-20T23:28:00.001-04:002016-06-20T23:28:07.986-04:00The Broken<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/I6cdPeYJh0s" width="480"></iframe><br /><br />
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And amid the chaos of brokenness, a light of truth--like a shard of clear crystal cuts through the pain to illuminate your heart. The thing you thought had shriveled up and retreated to the safety of perpetual solitude and introversion. Your thoughts align once again with your heart, for the first time in a long time...or so you thought. The truth is, you never stopped, you never retreated, and you never gave up--and it took a life-altering tragedy to realize how deeply and how hard you loved. How whole and alive you were...how disillusioned you became about what perpetuated joy or the lack thereof. It is no secret, though at times tucked cleverly behind the veil, love remains always within the heart of the broken. <br /><br />
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When the light leaves the eyes, it travels to the realm of pure love. It is no longer encased, but soaring freely about--though piercing the senses of those left behind. The sense of unbearable loss, the sense of absence, that relentless empty space in the pit of the stomach and the breathlessness that follows. We realize how whole, joyful, & rich our lives were before the loss. Ironic.<br /><br />
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A sudden tragedy, one we are totally unprepared to handle with any amount of grace will shock us back to life and guide us back to an attitude of abundance and appreciation. It strips us of our propensity to see our lives from a perspective of lack and "if only". Now, we are left to deal with that realization. The brightest side of a darkest moment would be this: It was only in thought that I believed I lacked. It was never in my heart--nor my actions. Thoughts come and go...and in the grander scheme of things, they are unimportant and irrelevant...when the heart leads, the hand holds, the spirit speaks, and the soul connects. <br /><br />
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It is with a completely broken heart that I bid farewell to my best friend, my copilot, protector, the source of much joy and laughter, as well as unmeasurable moments of tenderness and comfort. She meant the world to me, and this I am completely assured that she was well aware of. I was her human, and she...was my baby girlie. <br /><br />
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Rest easy my sweet angel. Nero keeps vigil at your grave daily. We miss you TERRIBLY. There will never be another like you. You were one of a kind. I promise your life and love will not have been in vain--though, I will need time to grieve...it is so hard to acclimate to your absence when you were there...everywhere I was, all the time. It was so sudden, so unexpected, and so quick. I have to catch up. Please be patient with me. I'm having a hard time letting go of you--My Hester. RainaMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363225677870877894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1312072408757221151.post-73064743350300431342014-11-08T00:28:00.001-05:002014-11-08T00:28:43.075-05:00Ode to Baby Chicken<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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It is a very somber day in my household, and there is very palpable empty space in my heart and my home. <br />
<br />
THE GIFT<br />
<br />
Two summers ago, while sitting at my dining room table, I heard a faint cry outside of my window. Every time I would get up to go to the window, it would stop. It sounded much like a very tiny kitten, though it also could have been a bird--I was uncertain. I went outside to investigate under the bush that is planted outside of my window...I could see nor hear anything. I would make 3 trips outside to investigate what I was hearing before I would spot this tiny (approximately 4-week old kitten) propped up on my basement window sill underneath an addition. In front of her, in the dirt, there were two dead adult birds in what looked like a shallow hole dug in the soft, dusty soil under there. Her face had scabs on it, like she had been attacked by something. She was wild and didn't want anything to do with me. She looked to be very skinny and frail, so I attempted to coax her out with a little soft food...to no avail. A neighbor's handy-man saw me out there investigating and asked me if he could help. He put a glove on his hand and crawled under the addition and retrieved this little feline baby. I kept her crated and offered her some soft food and "mother's milk" supplement and watched her eat. Right away, I began looking for a home for this beautiful little girl. She was mostly spotted, and I began to think that maybe she was a hybrid of some sort or mixed with one and that maybe she was a dumped runt that wouldn't be worth charging for or something. I'd never seen a domesticated cat quite so spotted. She also had long black hairs that grew over the tips of her ears and these stunning blue/green eyes. I felt confident that I could find her a suitable home--but I knew that I would have to work with her to get her acclimated to human contact. She graduated from the crate into a spare bedroom, where I would attempt to get her socialized a bit. It took about a week before she wouldn't dart and hide when I entered the room...a couple more days before she would allow me to touch her without cowering...or running away..but soon, she warmed up quite nicely. From there, I left the door to that room open for her to investigate the place at her leisure and pace. I kept trying to get someone else to see what a beauty she was and offer her a loving home...and she found one..MINE. <br />
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THE NAME GAME<br />
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Until SHE became pregnant, she was called "little mans"...and then...well, we had a dilemma..she was definitely not a he. She was; however, a little tom-boy, was very rough, claws ALWAYS out at play, she bit, and was VERY high-strung. She seemed to never quite relax...always in high-alert. I don't think I ever really saw her sleep--until she was with kittens. She began to slow down a lot as her belly began to protrude...she got wider than she was tall or long. She was a very TINY little thing--never got really big. So...all things considered, we had give her a name...little mans just was not gonna work. I began to call her Dots...and then because she also had stripes, that turned into Dots-n-Dashes...and then Bits-n-Pieces...because she was so tiny...and then just Bitty. Then it became BP/DD. She had this tiny little "beeping" meow...so we thought BPDD was apropos. However, my girls have this thing for calling the cats "chickens" because of the way they lay with their front arms and paws hidden underneath them...and look basically like...well...a chicken--and so then her name just became "Baby Chicken."<br />
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HOW BABIES CHANGE YOUR LIFE<br />
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We watched this roughed-up, wild cat turn into a soft, very loving and very protective mother. She gave birth to 4 kittens, 3 boys and one girl. She incidentally got pregnant by my male cat who at the time had not been neutered yet. She was so nurturing-- and her demeanor became soft and relaxed. Once the kittens had all gone to their forever homes, she became so affectionate and sweet. All of the wild inside her had been tamed by motherhood and trust built with her caretakers. She began to let her guard down and integrate into the family. We LOVED her. So sweet, so affectionate, so quiet and laid back...never a bit of trouble out of her EVER. She didn't claw the furniture, she asked politely to go outside and to be fed, and waited patiently for both. She was the ideal cat--not to mention...she was stunningly beautiful with those bright eyes and small tuft of white fur on her chest that melted into a caramel-color going down her legs and up her shoulders that then became defined by her spots and stripes. She was our Baby Chicken. You would just say her name and she would appear on your lap and begin loving you up--much like a loving and obedient dog. <br />
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Today...I awoke to pools of blood all over the house...all of the animals were inspected and present...except Baby Chicken. I searched everywhere for our tiniest family member...and not a peep or sighting of her. I looked inside and outside...I feared the worst. I feared she had hidden herself to die--much like cats do when they can't just go outside to do it. I was panicked and very afraid...there was a LOT of blood all over the house...pools, spatter...in every room, up the staircase. It was like a nightmare. She finally appeared but she was very weak with a steady stream of blood coming from her nose. She was also coughing it up. I KNEW I would be losing her today. I just knew it. We took her to the vet where we were told it presented much like rat poison toxicity--though they were unclear. What they DID know was that she was not clotting and that her blood looked much like "red Kool-Aid" and had no viscosity at all to it. Some of the differentials that were thrown around were thrombocytopenia, feline leukemia...but as far as the blood disorder, the causative factor was unknown unless they investigated it. What was apparent was that she was critically anemic and was very acutely ill and it was inevitable that she would expire from this unless "heroic measures" were taken...and even those were iffy in bring her back from her critical state. She was conscious, her bright eyes still sparkling, but was very weak and appeared to be oxygen starved. I asked to go see her one more time...my daughter and I opened the cage they had her in and petted her and spoke softly to her. She looked intently at us for a moment and then laid on her side and stretched her body out, nuzzled my hand as I stroked her, began to close her eyes...I decided I wanted to hold her...and this is when I knew that the decision was made for me BY her. She had no energy whatsoever, but fought with everything she had to get out of my arms and back into the cage--where she immediately laid down facing the back of the cage. From that point, we could not even get her to look at us when whispered her name. She laid down and stared intently at the back corner of the cage as if to say "LEAVE me here...let me go..I am resigned...this is good-bye."<br />
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You see, animals have a soul and a spirit...they LOVE...they LIVE...and so they readily recognize life and love. They have MORE of an insight and acceptance of the end of THIS life as well. They know when it is time...and in their own way...are merciful in their departure from their loved ones. I think she knew it was already killing us...they sense this stuff...and I think that she knew how much more difficult it would be for us if she were to be more accommodating to our attempts to comfort her (and ourselves). I think this is why a dying cat will just about kill themselves to get out of the house and away from everyone to die alone...so that their "people" will not have to witness their departure. I then struggled with the question of the receptionist there "do you want to stay"....I wanted SO badly to hold her and love her "home"...but I just couldn't. I guess that makes me weak...but definitely NOT unfeeling--I was overwhelmed by feeling. I took the cue that she wanted to make this transition alone. <br />
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So today, I came home with one less family member. I cannot describe the feeling. It is like there is a space notched out of the air I breathe, the area I take up, and the place I rest that is just empty. It really isn't the same--and I can feel it. There is a heaviness and a restlessness in my spirit that cannot, at this point be comforted or calmed. I am sad...very sad. I feel so deeply the loss of this tiny baby girl in this house. She was so young and so sweet....and did not deserve to die this way. I rescued her...and she gave me her trust...and there is no other bond quite so strong as mutual respect and trust....patience and love. She was a keeper and now she is gone and I am left to mourn the loss of a life that touched mine so very deeply. <br />
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THE THINGS A PET WILL TEACH YOU IF YOU PAY ATTENTION<br />
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You can be abandoned, mistreated, left behind, tossed away....and you can be taken in, shown great kindness and compassion, be built up and taken in. <br />
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You can be untrusting of people and situations that differ from what you've experienced....and someone can be patient with you and earnestly gain an unbreakable trust through a sincere attempt to offer love.<br />
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You can be cold and hungry and very afraid...and someone can offer you shelter, warmth, nourishment and security.<br />
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You can be a nothing to one person and mean everything to another.<br />
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You can have a tiny stature but take up immense space in the hearts of those who love you.<br />
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You can be "the baby" and a mother at the same time.<br />
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You can appear in someone's life at a time when it seemed to be the worst time for it...and you can leave it the same way. <br />
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You can love unconditionally and not even realize it.<br />
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There is no difference between burden and privilege or the rescuer and rescued.<br />
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Animals have a soul and a spirit....they live, they breathe, they teach and they learn...they communicate without words and draw the greatest bonds of love known to man. <br />
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To my Baby Chicken....I feel blessed that your short stay here was with me and my family and that you're now home safe with my family that went before you. I asked my dad to carry you over and I know he did. I will sorely miss you until the sting of your absence becomes more bearable, but I will never forget you or the contribution you made to my life by nothing more than your presence. </div>
RainaMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363225677870877894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1312072408757221151.post-45909174266850566072014-11-02T10:03:00.000-05:002014-11-02T10:03:06.705-05:00WAKING UP--Seek No Other Teacher Than That of Your Own Truth. <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Good Morning All!<br />
As I sit here this morning, drinking my freshly-ground and brewed coffee, made just the way I like it, I am overwhelmed with feelings of immense gratitude for my life, and all that I have. <br />
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If I were to make this blog post a confessional of sorts, I would have to be honest enough to say that I haven't always been this appreciative. I haven't always defaulted to gratitude. I've bitched and moaned, felt sorry for myself, felt I deserved better or more. I've been stuck in hostility and resentment over the choices of others that directly effected me and my life in some way. I've been disappointed when others ignored or avoided my need for compassion, assistance and/or affection when I needed it the most--when I would have been the first one reaching out to them in the same circumstances. Sure...I AM human--and probably one of the most pressing and dire needs of a human being is to feel as if they matter..that they are seen...that they are in some way an important and vital part of this life and all that manifests within it. But, which is more important...how I feel about myself and understand myself...or how others see and understand me?<br />
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I recently read an article about the tendencies, behavior, and the exquisite emotional intelligence of "empaths." Scoff at the "label", and laugh at its implication if you must, but it struck a major chord with me. Though everyone could read the same article and say they share some of the same characteristics SOME OF THE TIME, or have experienced them at one time or another..there are probably very few who would say that it is a daily cross they bear or a struggle they enter into from the time they awaken in the morning that goes with them every minute of the day--that they really cannot escape...even in sleep. It went on to explain that the less an empathic person understands about their immense capability to "feel" their way through life, the less grounded they are and go on to become. Therefore, it is very accurately expressed that those who have this sometimes annoying and most times downright frightful capability need to seek to understand, accept, and incorporate this innate and mysterious part of them into their daily lives in order to be spiritually wise as well as grounded in reality and lead a balanced life. <br />
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I am a chronic researcher, probably because my curiosity has absolutely no boundary. I have to dig to the bottom of everything....I seek to understand...I want to know...but I am content to WAIT for the answers if they are not the immediate result of my research. I've learned that there are just some things that need the space and time to unfold before you. However, in order for me to recognize it when it happens, I have to remain aware, follow the signs, and rely on my ability to recognize patterns and my inner radar to detect "a disruption in the force." I 've come to understand that a concentrated focus on a specific answer leaves room for manufacturing what would be a more acceptable and pleasing outcome. The answers that are most valuable and important are those that come to you without a concerted effort through a state of open awareness. I've always been sensitive to people's feelings and their behavior, and I've also become quite curious about the workings of the mind and nature and how they interact with one another to create the life we lead. It is a completely natural happenstance for me to just sit back and observe everything that goes on around and inside of me. I tend to "catch" things that others have no idea I am experiencing. I rather enjoy the bit of comic relief this provides to me at times--when I cannot believe that people have NO clue how they are coming off to others. I am not big on lip service, nor am I swayed by campaign. I DIAL right in on what is behind and underneath it all...it comes completely naturally to me. I can pretty accurately spot a fraud, and I can also just as astutely recognize the "real deal." This is my greatest gift and blessing...though it took me half of my life to figure it out how to apply this gift to my overall intelligence. I <em>spent</em> many years martyring myself before the undeserving because my bent toward compassion and feeling another's pain was permitted to run wild apart from my better judgment. I was convinced that my over-active empathy and compassion for others was my best asset and so I became totally invested in exerting all of my energy source to that. What I found was that although it served me in a way to be able to say and believe "I gave (them) the BEST of me"...I also had to face the fact that THAT was a lie. The best of me would be the BALANCED ME...The real me...ALL of me. That includes the part of me that KNOWS they have the capacity to dig themselves out of the mess they got themselves into, the part of me that recognized the story didn't necessarily match the facts,the body language didn't integrate at all with the facial expression... the part of me that really wanted to tell them..."FIGURE IT OUT...I don't know what to tell you." BUT...the part of me that I felt to be selfish, uncaring, and unsympathetic...(ya know...all the "bad" parts of me). I could NEVER allow those bad things to enter into a GENUINE and AUTHENTIC exchange...that would make me FEEL bad about myself. So there you have it folks...the confession of a textbook EMPATH. <br />
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It wasn't until I realized how much it TOOK from me to GIVE so "unselfishly" to others that I began to understand how I had misused this gift of sensitivity. It is VERY true that we teach others how to treat us. I accept full responsibility, though I also forgive myself for my naivety and ignorance. I really had no idea how self-sabotaging I had allowed the better part of me to become--until I was left in a serious state of emotional and mental bankruptcy--and had to FIGURE IT OUT MYSELF--and that I did! The biggest hurdle that has always stood before me in the worst times of my life has been understanding WHY things happen the way they do, WHY people are the way they are, and why I always seemed to be a target for greedy, unappreciative, and self-serving people. I always seemed to end up on the shitty end of the stick! There were times where I had lost all hope in humanity...but even more scary, all hope period...and I had no faith at all in myself, did not trust my own judgment, and had NO idea who I was or where I fit into my very own life. I became withdrawn, kept to myself--out of extreme fear of ever opening myself up again to anyone. I became sullen and stern...and I tipped from my defaulted "idealistic" outlook to complete and total REALISM...all things possible and everything of potential became nonexistent in my life...for a while. The term most modern-day spiritual guru's will use to describe this phenomenon is "the dark night of the soul." Yep...and I'm glad THAT is over with!! What I came out of that period with...was the answer I had been looking for for most of my life. Who I am and who I am not, how I think and how I don't, what is most important to me and what isn't so much..or not at all. What I deduced from my commitment to ME..with all of the very difficult and unabashed honesty...was quite striking and so very true...so much so...I BANK my life on it. <br />
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I AM..an INVESTOR<br />
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Only an investor understands VALUE. Only an investor immediately sees potential in every opportunity/person/relationship/purchase....everything. In turn, it is just automatic for an investor to begin to invest in everything that he/she feels to be somewhat worthy of risk. They are focused on <em>quality.</em> In an ending relationship where one person feels more broken than the other..chances are, it is an investment-spender dynamic. A spender SPENDS his/her time, his/her money, his/her effort to the ends of immediate gratification...in other words...they live to have fun, to be entertained, to have their needs "of the moment" satisfied. Where an investor puts all they have into everything they do...their energy, their monetary wealth, their creativity..always thinking of growth, expansion, and building toward optimum potential. They know the value of giving til it hurts now because they are geared toward "the long run." It is probably very important for me to clarify...this is NOT a mental process. This is not a CONDITIONED state. It is an innate essence. This is why SO many businesses that "should have made it big" fold up and fall under...because there are spenders who believe that they can be taught or trained to be smart investors. Umm...sorry....that's not the way it works...right GM? Fannie Mae? Freddie Mac? They are quantity driven....more parts, more money, more attention, more notoriety...and yet the quality lacks because their SPENDING habits are always going to come from an attitude of lack and a self-serving vantage point. An investor invests all of their assets to achieve balance, harmony, peace, joy and lasting happiness. They NEED their time to matter, their attitude and contribution to the "greater good for all" to allow them to sleep at night. They give everything they have to the greatest potential outcome...and this is why when things don't work out....they are BROKEN and left destitute. The spender LIVES in this space. They never have anything of value because they don't recognize it to begin with...and so when things don't pan out for them, its just normal. They are short-term thinkers....the value is in the immediate return..and the more, the better. However, when that is gone, they just seek out a different source. An investor, however, LOSES him/herself within the loss....because they ARE their source of investment. <br />
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INVESTOR/SPENDER RELATIONSHIPS<br />
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The bible warns "do not become unequally yoked with unbelievers." This is a very strong and powerful warning. However, it seems that the age-old saying "opposites attract" is equally as powerful. Attraction...is temporary and ever changing. Your innate essence...is NOT. It is steadfast and it DRIVES you...it is your spirit, your soul...your foundation. A spender is "attracted" to an investor. Why wouldn't they be? It is a free ride on the "potential success" train. It is an unearned venture into the "shared" success of another...hmmm..good deal...right? WRONG! It will never work out IN THE LONG RUN FOR THE INVESTOR. The spender will stick around as long as the investor will have them....and that is the way things like this usually turn out. When the investor recognizes what it has COST them to sustain the spender, they usually will cut their losses and walk away...no matter the perceived loss OR how painful it is...because you see, the investor also realizes that with every investment...there is a risk...and emotional reaction/response changes minute to minute. In terms of attraction, the investor is also strongly attracted to the spender because of their seemingly refreshing care-free outlook on life and their ability to just LET GO of all of the worrisome aspects of life. Because an investor is so locked into BUILDING, they are typically miring over details...and it is very refreshing to just LET LOOSE once in a while and just go with the flow and be in the company of FUN. This relationship definitely serves each of the people in it SHORT TERM. Long term, it comes down to the core of it all for the investor...is this worth my time, my effort, my financial, emotional, and mental strain? <br />
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SO...DOES THIS MEAN THAT SPENDERS HAVE NO SOUL?<br />
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Not necessarily. I believe that souls can be damaged to the point of unrecognition. I believe that spenders have probably had to seek "alternatives" their entire lives because in their formative years, the true measure of their own value that comes most times from the love, attention, support, and example of our parents in the very formative and most dependent years of our human existence lacked in some way. They may have had to SEEK that which should have naturally BEEN through buying, bartering or trade. THIS is a HABITUAL and CONDITIONED mindset and response to life...it is not natural. It is based upon ease-of-use and replacement potential. It is where love and security become objectified into a commodity. Therefore, because any type of real security was ALTERNATING in nature, it may have manifested into a belief that its source was the same. Their structure then becomes built upon the foundation of others. Because they, themselves lack foundation, they go on to become great manufacturers. And they manufacture EVERYTHING--including (but definitely not limited to)... the truth. <br />
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So one may then pose the question...why...if you have two people who come from similar backgrounds of neglect does one go on to be an investor and the other a spender? I can only speak for myself, but somewhere down inside of me, I knew that the examples I was given during childhood were not quite right. I felt a deep sense of discontentment and discomfort in a lot of things I witnessed, the way things were done, and places I would find myself. I had my "teenage" stint in spending...and it served my purpose for a while...but I was always aware that those fleeting experiences I would lie, cheat, and steal for either always landed me in punishment or back to square one. I was <em>very aware</em> that I was living hard and going nowhere. Yeah..it was FUN, while it lasted....but as young and reckless as I was, I really did know how completely WASTEFUL it was. I wanted what I wanted and I went to whatever extreme...AND EXPENSE to get it, but pretty soon, my reconciliation statement became pretty unbalanced. A whole bunch of expenditures, and absolutely no dividends. I was grounded more than I was free, I was worried more than I was at peace, I was living in fear of being "found out"...and more importantly, I was manifesting that same discontentment and discomfort that others manufactured in my own life at my own will. I think it is just a matter of emotional intelligence--when you can readily recognize that what you are doing IS or is NOT who you are and the feelings and bodily sensations associated with whatever it is that you are doing, have done, or are thinking of doing just feel complimentary or contrasting in nature. There is a palpable feeling of completeness when your thoughts, your intentions, your motivations, and your actions are in line with your core essence. It just feels right.<br />
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SO then, another question would be posed about whether or not a typical spender really even feels this "spending remorse." THAT I cannot answer. I only know that my time <em>spent</em> was the result of immature and selfish experimentation. There is a LOT of scientific documentation out there that supports the fact that the mind is more powerful than the body--so much so, that you can alter bodily responses and capabilities with a mere thought. It is also documented that the mind can, in fact, rewire the brain...it can convince the physical into anything it wants to believe especially if these thoughts then develop into patterns. So, the jury is out on that one. I guess people only know what they themselves feel and if what they feel is in line with their intentions, then I suppose it is "normal" for each individual...however, I believe to the core of who I am that there are no good/bad people...I think it is more complex than that. I do, however, believe that there are two opposing, yet equally as powerful energies that are grounded in one of these two archetypes.<br />
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You would think that this investment mentality would land someone steeped in it into a life of chronic planning...however, the opposite is true. The more calculated a planner, the more calculating the mind. I tend to not make plans EVER. I am really bad at sticking to them. This doesn't make me disorganized, it just means that I don't have the need to externally organize all that much. My self-discipline is integrated into my person...it is not a <em>separate process</em>. I'm very aware of the value of my time and effort...that is all I need. I live in the moment and think what the moment calls for me to think and do what it calls for me to do. My biggest nightmare is being asked "so what do you do for <em>fun</em>? --or-- how do you <em>spend </em>your free time? It isn't really a couple-sentence or few-word reply, I am afraid. It may appear complex, but it is very, very simple. I AM...I am not DO or THINK...although it is argued that if you think you are this or that...that you are this or that...and this is where the mind removes itself from wholeness. Once you entertain that thought with your time, you become locked in it and you become a slave to your mind. If I must conjure up a short and very basic answer to those questions above, it would be that I lead my life following where it leads. And let's face it, NOBODY wants to hear that...!!!! And that is ok...because I am now aware how just a simple question can lead one to some pretty profound revelations.<br />
<br />
Seven Deadly Sins:<br />
1. Wealth without work.<br />
2. Pleasure without conscience.<br />
3. Science without humanity.<br />
4. Knowledge without character. <br />
5. Politics without principle.<br />
6. Commerce without morality.<br />
7. Worship without sacrifice. <br />
~Mahatma Gandhi<br />
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"A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone."~Henry David Thoreau.<br />
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"Those born to wealth and who have the means of gratifying every wish, know not what is the real happiness of life--just as those who have been tossed on the stormy waters of the ocean on a few frail planks can alone realize the blessings of fair weather."~Alexandre Dumas.<br />
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"Wealth is the slave to a wise man. The master of a fool."~Seneca quote.<br />
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The End. <br />
</div>
RainaMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363225677870877894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1312072408757221151.post-861584090582826772014-09-02T07:33:00.003-04:002021-01-31T07:51:48.781-05:00The Forms of Life...the tapestry of the infinite.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Another summer draws to a close and another fall ushers in another winter. We New Yorkers should be pretty adept to change...you would think. <br />
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If there is anyone out there who follows my train of thought whatsoever, the changing of the seasons could really teach us all something about life and stand as an example of those things we "cannot change." Even with the somewhat predictable nature of these seasons, they never quite live up to our expectations. Summers are never long enough and winters are always too long. The nice weather never seems to arrive within our preferred timeframe for it and the winter is only welcome long enough to provide us with a beautiful backdrop for all of the Christmas lights and décor. The summers are either too cold and rainy or too hot and humid, and the winters--well, last winter anyway...was downright bitter and destructive. And Spring and Fall--they are the transition periods, neither are around very long as they are preparatory phases. Spring is the period of birth, abundance, and beauty. Fall, the period of surrender to the inevitable loss of form. I have a hard time disconnecting myself from nature anymore. Once I made that connection, it became an ingrained sense of "oneliness"--one that directs my attention to all that is and marks my steps for me, attunes my attitude to acceptance and lessons my desire to minimize and direct everything according to my wishes and/or level of comfort. <br />
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Fall has always been a most beloved time of the year for me. The time of harvest when the landscape displays a beautiful array of color and the scent in the air is nothing less than scrumptious. However, it has become bittersweet to me now. As I transition to a different season of my life, I also notice the withering, and as each leave falls from a tree, it sends into my spirit a sense of mournful empathy. I feel the tree letting go of all that once made it stand tall and proud--as all of its lush beauty begins to thin and fall to the ground. The shelter it once provided from the elements begins to weaken as little by little, it's canopy is now taken by the wind to return to the soil. The flowers, once bright and vibrant begin to lose their color and take on a hue of brown--the grass stops growing. I begin to see the birds gather in large flocks in the almost barren trees, signaling to one another that it is time to pack up and leave this desolate place in search of more adequate shelter and abundant food sources. It begins to turn cold and on a windless day...there is nothing but silence. It is as if all of the life has left. There are no birds singing us awake in the morning, no crickets singing us to sleep at night, no sound of rain upon the rooftop. Other than an occasional brisk and sharp wind across a black and white landscape, it is just all gone. <br />
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It is exactly the way of life isn't it? There are periods of celebration and there are periods of mourning. Moments of new life and moments of great loss. Periods of abundance bursting all around us and periods of lonely desolation. Only, the trees cannot resist the will of the infinite--they must surrender and succumb. They do not die at all....the grass doesn't die, the flowers don't die...they merely take on a different form...by losing form..for a time. They return to their lush and vibrant beauty during the season of birth and regeneration. The expression of nature is acceptance of what is now. It adapts, changes, and surrenders to the part of it that is all-powerful, all-knowing, and ever present. The part that is bigger than itself. There is life beyond our limited scope of it that is more abundant. There is life that sustains life, life that carries on without measure of breath, pulse, and thoughts. Maybe life just IS, whether it be within a form or outside of it. There are parts of nature that we don't see all up close and personal, such as the movement of the air or the intimate relationship between the moon and the seas, or the billions of stars being born and populating the cosmos and the planets and moons and suns that move instinctively in rotation around them. How much of life and all that lives do we really understand? We understand what we have the capability to understand, what nature allows us to understand by its interaction with us, its display and behavior across time. I dare say, if we look closely enough at what we are blessed enough to experience, we may begin to see things a bit differently, we may begin to appreciate this beautiful living example of how we should pattern our lives here on this earth and recalibrate our focus to look to nature as a part of us, something that lives in us...instead of something that is around us that we have to adapt to. <br />
<br />It is drawing a pattern for us year after year. The loss of form is not the loss of life. The change of form is the circle of life. It does not hope for our understanding, but it does bid us to consider. We tend to view these inanimate objects of nature as somewhat lower forms of life...we feel that we cannot empathize with them because they do not have a mind or a central nervous system--the ability to think or feel...and they may not...but we do. They ARE alive, have a purpose, and really should be revered, because "inanimate objects" of nature sustain us. Why would it seem at all crazy to treat them as if, see them as if, and know them as if? A simple act of willingness could invariably lend us all a clearer understanding, a more solid sense of purpose, and a closer kinship with all living things, which then could give us a greater appreciation for a more meaningful and abundant life.<br />
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That is my sermon for the day. Don't label...but be with, live among, and find that connection. Look at nature without labeling it. Look at it as if you were looking at it for the first time and remember the wonder in your childrens' eyes when they saw or experienced something for the first time. Once we label something, we lose interest in it and it just becomes part of the background, a topic of conversation, and a thing that merely exists. I think we miss so much of what is truly important on our journey here...we listen to the screams and ignore the whispers--we believe what we see instead of searching out everything to find that which is really worth believing. We spend instead of invest, we seek entertainment instead of joy, we wish to have instead of to share and we hope for an inheritance in favor of creating a legacy. <br />
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These beautiful sugar maples lining my driveway, the wildlife that perches in their outstretched branches, the waters that flow through the valleys, the rain that falls from the sky, my animals that await in patient excitement for me to awaken in the morning to give them love and feed them, and the air that I breathe have taught me way more about life, love, expression, purpose and belonging than anything else. We are all made of the very same substances in different forms. <br />
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Be still and KNOW....<br />
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RainaMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363225677870877894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1312072408757221151.post-8734609755246243752014-07-19T09:28:00.000-04:002014-07-19T09:28:24.618-04:00The voice I listen to.....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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WOW folks...how long has it been??? I must say, I am somewhat, if not completely amazed that ya'll continue to drop by to read all of my old ramblings! Thank you. Knowing that you all drop by injects a sense of value into my spirit...and I so appreciate it. <br />
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I've taken this long hiatus from writing partly due to a lack of inspiration and partly due to having to actually LIVE and experience life. Last winter in all of its unwelcome and completely destructive surprises dampened my spirit quite a bit. I was forced to again seek out what I was made of and make that lemonade!!! It has taken me quite a bit of time to pull it all back together and forge on. <br />
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I've sort of become rather accustomed to waiting for that other shoe to drop and I've learned to not get too carried away with all of the temporary glitz of life "going as planned or expected." If there is one thing that life will teach you (if you pay attention)...it is that resilience, resourcefulness, and flexibility are major players in one's attitude and outlook in its regard. At the same time; however, there is a certain component of resisting "status quo" and refusing to accept less than you deserve. Life has built into it an intricate balance that is only achieved through one's instinctive sensitivities and a hard-won trust with them. I remember as a teen and young adult my parents saying "you think you KNOW everything." Looking back, I realize I knew nothing of life but how to dream BUT I also realize that I possessed something my parents lacked----the courage to chase those dreams with reckless abandon and (somewhat misguided) sense of invincibility.<br />
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True adulthood brings with it some pretty poignant perspective-shattering realities and begins early-on to teach us the evils of projected expectations. It takes some of us longer to learn....but I've found the hard way to be the most reliable in sticking!! There is no shelter for a true adult to seek within the consequence of their choices and actions (or lack thereof)--there is no pinch-hitter, no stand-in, no double. It is just YOU and what you've created. Until you begin to really understand and respect this little twist of life, you will ever be a dependent child who relies upon rescue and dependence builds a dam to personal growth and strength. It is the opposite of LIFE--and life is a series of lessons to the ends of integrity, trust, and truth. In a book I am now reading, Instinct by T.D. Jakes, one particular statement reached right out and grabbed me...and it is "you can't take everyone with you just because they were with you where you were before." And this is a nice, tidy end to this paragraph.<br />
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Through all of life's ups and downs, there is always an inspirational element that lies somewhat out of reach during times of disappointment, heartbreak, and struggle. It is there nonetheless, and it sometimes takes a period of rest and reflection to grab on to it and see its contribution to your overall growth and wellbeing. <br />
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I am becoming more and more accustomed to living in the moment and becoming more keen in deciphering what works and what doesn't for me. I am pretty clear on what it is that I deserve and what I absolutely will not accept. My integrity has been tested to the nth-degree, and I've had to make some very difficult choices in keeping with its guidance...but I trust in it more than I trust in anything. I've learned that anything we choose to invest in....no matter how little or much...carries with it no guarantee for a return. However, the value is really not measured in what you receive back, but lies within the reasons why we made such an investment to begin with. It is the heart, the belief, the faith, and the sacrifice of one's own time, love, and consideration of that investment that become the foundation of who you are and give you some measure of your own character. That is what it is all about....knowing who you are, where you live, where you come from and where you wish to go. We have no control over fate...or the choices, views, or opinions of others nor can we base our own sense of value upon the response or reactions of them. Circumstance does not define you...where you stand in them and what you choose to do with them does. It is more about listening than talking...and it is about KNOWING more than trying to convince. <br />
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As far as life goes...I'm finding...it's all about the "I's" and "whys"....<br />
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Inspiration<br />
Integrity<br />
Insight<br />
Intellect<br />
Investment<br />
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What I give to others, I add to myself. <br />
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Much love to everyone!</div>
RainaMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363225677870877894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1312072408757221151.post-2842630254870026102014-03-29T11:32:00.002-04:002014-03-29T11:32:51.295-04:00A Call To Judgment<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I'mmmm Baaaack...<br />
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It's been a while and I know my posts on here have been very few and far between..got a lot going on...busy, busy, busy. However, I've had something stuck in my craw for a few days and this arena seems to be the best outlet for such things. Today, I would like to talk a bit about the "J" word--yes, I am going to go there. I would consider myself a very spiritual, very sensitive, very deep, and very conscientious person--but what I am NOT and will never be is NONJUDGEMENTAL. I do quite a bit of reading and I view a lot of programming where our modern-day spiritual gurus are claiming to live life in the moment WITHOUT judgement. Just like every church I've ever been a part of while searching for "truth"...this one issue doesn't sit right with me. This is the cog in my spiritual wheel at this point. I feel that judgement is a very necessary component to my spirituality and my life as a whole--and to make it sound or appear as if it is some sort of "insidious play of the ego or otherwise spiritually nonproductive trait" is ludicrous to me.<br />
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They teach that our intentions are where our power lies. THIS I do believe, as I stumbled across this realization on my own long before it was eventually validated by others. However, if this is indeed the case...without judgment, our intentions would never really materialize. There are a lot of things to consider before setting out to achieve a goal--and they are ALL judgment calls. <br />
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I think what needs to be brought to light is the way in which judgment is utilized. Are your intentions in disregard to others and for self-promotion or profit? This is a MISUSE of judgment...and this is what I believe should be narrowed down in the teaching of a "spiritual life." It is not WITHOUT judgement that we view anything...but rather, it is with "good judgment." If you seek to define judgment, this is what you will find: The ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions. Words synonymous with judgement are as follows: Discernment, acumen, sense, wisdom, reason, logic. I don't know what spiritual principles anyone else follows, but DISCERNMENT/WISDOM are two of the BIGGIES in the "DO and BE" categories contained in any of them. Certainly, it does outline with what "spirit" we utilize our discernment and wisdom, however, it is a powerful "suggestion" that we do use them. So to be without judgment, is to be without balance, without solidarity, without grounding. <br />
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There is one "spiritual teacher" who has written many books, done many television appearances and is regarded as very knowledgeable whom I find to be somewhat hard to follow. He stumbles over his words, cannot seem to express what it is that he wants to say and talks in circles, albeit...calm, soft-spoken, and inexpressive circles...but circles, nonetheless. It is nearly impossible for me to understand anything he is trying to convey. Although the message that ALWAYS comes through is "being aware and experiencing every moment <b><i>without</i></b> judgment." The thing that really cracks me up is that I truly believe that he is one of the very few who is capable of this...but if you look at the bigger picture that forms...yes, he is quiet-natured, yes, he is a very still spirit--he talks VERY slowly, walks very slowly, and his body language seems to be a bit awkward and well behind his thought process. Although he has the "NOT OF THIS WORLD" down to a science, the fact that we are PART of this world is where I detach from him. This is the balance in it all...and if his message is being nonjudgmental of ANYTHING, he is a clear and true representation of this. You definitely cannot say that he doesn't walk what he talks. However...I believe our spirit to be our light, our energy-source, the center of what makes each of us DYNAMIC and BRIGHT. To have a dull spirit is not to have a better one, a more mature one, or a more wise one. There is nothing so invigorating than to be around someone with a fully engaged spirit...it is contagious...and this is what being PART of this world means---it is ENGAGEMENT/FELLOWSHIP with ALL that is. Anything we believe in and pattern our life around comes from a judgment. It is this man's own judgment to "judge nothing"..understand? <br />
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Trust me, I am the poster child of poor judgment and what I've outlined above about this particular man is not to bash him in any way...it is just an observation of thought pattern, language, and behavior and how it meshes with the message that is being conveyed--in other words, consideration of the "parts to the whole." We always have to consider what fits with us and what doesn't or else we would all be just wayward souls with no destination. There would never be any choices TO be made if we judged nothing and if our "lives are the sum total of the choices we make"...then we wouldn't really even be living, would we---there is a difference between EXISTENCE and LIFE. To further comment about my poor judgment calls, I've learned that this TOO is a result of imbalance...too much emotion, not enough reason-- too much fear, not enough courage, too much attachment to control and not enough faith in what's truly best for me. In my case, I can say that in EVERY instance I've ever felt that deep pang of regret for choices I've made--it was the result of always knowing but denying, an attachment to an outcome I had my heart set on...whether reality was in line with it or not and the fear of having that attachment broken because I had become SO dependent upon it. They were instances where I would suppress, delay, or attempt to deter pain the pain of just facing the truth about them. My emotions were driving and I KNOWINGLY placed my logic behind them...My honest judgment of the situation had been told to "shut up" because of a deeper need in me to avoid at all costs the pain I would suffer in lending it any heed. I sold my integrity out for comfort WAY TOO MANY TIMES. I can say with CERTAINTY that for me, the worst crisis I've ever been through in my entire life was that of questioning my judgement. It is a very frightening place to be, and I never want to go back there. It was the single-most paralyzing fear I've ever experienced. So I've learned the hard way that sometimes the things we want ARE not always the best things for us..and that it is just a lot easier to see things as they are NOW without any notion or hope whatsoever that they will ever be any different and it may deter us from forming an emotional attachment to a "wished for" outcome while incessantly fighting back the reality that it is probably never going to happen. <br />
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So with all of that being said, what sparked this little write-up was a conversation I was involved in about an article written about the $600,000 theft of Joel Osteen's church. The article stated that this was "only" money that had been collected over ONE weekend and that it did not effect in any way any contributions that came by mail or online or before or after that weekend. The article went on to say that if this man takes in this much money in one weekend (that just covers about 1/2 of the total contributions made), that he must be rolling in millions per year. These words were straight out of the mouths of he and his wife...the total sum stolen ($600,000) and the fact that it was LIMITED to 2 days collection and then further LIMITED to contributions other than mailed or online contributions...so I'm thinking that the conclusions that are drawn by most who read this are the same...holy money-pit Batman!! So the topic of conversation was--as you guessed it...a series of opinions and judgment calls. Here we have a self-professed "man of God" (fact) publicizing a pretty huge amount of money being stolen from his church safe (fact)...though, if we were to think in terms of ratios..would be likened to anyone of the middle-class reporting to the police the theft of our "change jar." Because I am a person who seeks a deeper meaning in everything and because this man is so high-profile, I have TRIED to like this guy. I mean, people seem to really like him, and the words that come out of his mouth are that of personal empowerment through faith...and he does seem to share a message of hope. HOWEVER...there has always been something that doesn't hang well with me about him. Can't put my finger on it, but just like everything else I JUDGE to be right or wrong for me, it comes from this .feeling in my gut...this nudging in my spirit that tells me something isn't quite right about this, so I don't watch or listen to him. I don't have to know what it is that doesn't fit, I just know that FOR ME, something definitely doesn't. So I know I've climbed over the hurdle of putting what I "WANT" to believe in greater perspective and I now listen to that gut instinct before I get my emotions all twisted up in the mix. OK. So off of the digression and onto the point....I had made a comment that there has always been something that didn't quite set well with me about him...then, taking into consideration the entire article and the vibe I get from this guy, I couldn't help but think about "the marketplace" in the Bible. People who were commenting were speaking of his "followers" and THAT hit me the wrong way...then people were talking of the hope HE gives them and "so what if he makes millions...for the message of hope he gives the people, he deserves that money." Now, I do not claim in any way to be a rocket scientist, but I think that if anyone is any kind of decent human life-form at all, WE ALL offer hope, faith, and encouragement to others on a daily basis. We all share a smile, a kind word, a message of hope and actions of purpose...and I don't think that it ever enters our minds to MARKET the kindness and compassion that flows so naturally from us. Point one. Point two...we are all equipped with a spirit and a soul...THIS is what we are to follow. "The kingdom of God is within you" Now to point three...WHY, WHY, WHY would he even publicize or even report this to the authorities...it is obviously (by he and his wife's own admission) a drop in the bucket, so I would be more-so inclined to believe that a selfless man of God may have just said...well, someone obviously needed that money a lot more than we did, (pray for them) and then took INSIDE and PRIVATE action to guard against this happening again. I am in no way condoning thievery. It is not a commendable trait at all to possess and rightly, it shouldn't go unpunished, but you have to think outside of the box a little bit here...reporting and publicizing it HELPS his organization because it sends a wave of SHOCK into the community and society as a whole...and it aids to solidify the message that our society in need of being saved...so what he sells becomes even MORE profitable, more believable...his followers rush to give back all he has lost, his book sales go through the roof...because his organization has been the unfortunate and very PUBLICIZED victim of crime and all of whom that support his ministry will rally in solidarity to avenge his character. However, with that...also comes some maybe not too pleasant fallout. I commented that it probably would have been in his best interest to keep this information quiet and contained because now the IRS undoubtedly has their own agenda. Now the conclusions I've drawn from the factual information given along with my own gut feelings about the situation compiled an opinion...a judgement of the situation. It is mine, I own it, and I am not in any way claiming it to be TRUTH beyond a shadow of a doubt, nor am I upset about any opinions to the contrary--nor do I view them as anything other than a conclusion drawn by another with a different scope on the <b><i><u>situation</u></i></b>. I don't voice my opinion in an effort to change someone else's or sway it one way or another...it just is what it is. Without a stance or opinion on a topic, there really IS no conversation. It is merely MY take on the situation. A comment that followed: "<i>I thought I was judgmental, but there is no way I could possibly top some of these comments."</i> First of all, YOU already DID--lol. The art of a productive and interesting discussion about a highly publicized matter is that of keeping the "personal attack" of those discussing it out of it and sticking to the topic. To hoist yourself up to a higher level than someone else by saying "I could never be so judgmental" is an attempt to make others seem to be BENEATH you to a level you could NEVER go to, and that in itself is a blatant display of what you claim to abhor. <br />
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So I guess the moral of this story is....in order to trust yourself, you must trust your own judgment--and you MUST trust your own judgment if you are to act upon or succeed in anything. We need this in order to develop faith. Good, sound judgment. If you limit this very vital part of life's balancing act to merely attempting to reduce others, it is just improper USE of it. So if you call me judgmental, I'm not gonna cry about it because you see, I've used my judgment enough to know WHO I am and how I arrive at conclusions and I know it is never in any way to market myself or leverage myself above anyone else. I am in no way ashamed of who I am or the many mistakes I have made in the process of figuring that out. I do not use my judgment to exploit others, I use it to improve myself and to protect my integrity.<br />
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1 Corinthians 2:15: "But he that is spiritual judgeth all things."<br />
1 Thessalonians 5:21: "By all means, use your judgment and hold on to whatever is good."<br />
Luke 12:57: "Why don't you judge for yourselves what is right."<br />
2 Corinthians 10:7: "You are only looking at the surface of things."<br />
John 7:24: "You must not judge by the appearance of things, but by the reality."<br />
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Have a great weekend!! <br />
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RainaMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363225677870877894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1312072408757221151.post-55857095253915680902014-02-13T11:20:00.002-05:002014-02-13T11:42:04.898-05:00Turmoil to Inspiration....My Story of Success.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Good morning friends!! It has been such a LONG time since I've jumped on here to write. I've not done much writing at all as of late. This winter has not been the kindest to me--and by the looks of the South this morning, there won't be any jabs at anyone residing here in Western NY about how it is 65 and sunny there while we are thawing frozen pipes, digging our vehicles out, and paying the fuel companies most of our earnings to keep warm..lol. Life does have its way of humbling us all at the most inopportune times, and I guess the trick is to just accept it, roll with it, and keep our complaints at a minimum, because what we throw out there in thought, intention, and deed ALWAYS comes back to us.<br />
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I've kept myself quiet for the most part about the immense struggle I've been through on here because I wanted to wait until I was (at least) on the path to rising above it. It has taken quite a while, as the cascading nature of "Murphy's Law" principles haven't given me any choice but to commit my every moment, every penny, every bit of positive thinking and energy to their attendance and it has been.....EXHAUSTING.<br />
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The most important thing to note about all of it is that it was all so fragmented and scattered, but how it affected me was the same. Every problem I encountered and every solution to every problem--COST me something I didn't have and stressed me out to the point where I thought I was going to break. For the first time, I seriously considered putting my home on the market..but knew deep down that this would be "giving up" and "running away"---and so I didn't do that.<br />
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Being one of considerable depth, and knowing that there was some sort of message this was all trying to send to me, I couldn't help but wonder what it all meant...It almost felt as if the house was fighting me and it had pinned itself against me...my sanctuary was beginning to look and feel more and more like my greatest nemesis. Realistically, I knew this probably wasn't the case, but WHY then is my place of peace and comfort now the place I dread being. I began to notice that work now seemed to be where I felt my best, where I felt the most confident, where I had no worry in the world except what was right before me that moment...and I KNEW how to deal with that. I felt important, empowered, and my smile came easy...I felt in my ELEMENT there. The moment I got into my car to come back home...panic, tears, agony,& heartbreak.<br />
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It had been MONTHS of struggle there...first...a tenant who turned my beloved rental unit into a pit-stop and an unsupervised dog kennel and hoarded trash like her life depended upon it--as I housed her for 2-1/2 months for free (because I guess she felt she didn't really NEED to pay rent) as I was going through the legal channels to evict her. All of the damage, a complete dumpster full of trash left behind, carpeting that had to be torn out and replaced--all new paint...and then it sat empty for the next 4 months...all of that income, the money I spent to get it back into "rentable condition"...Then, a wonderful tenant prospect...planning on occupying as of Feb 1 of this year..comes to bring some stuff and show the place to her mom and her son...opens the bedroom door and leaves it ajar THE DAY we had the 30-below-zero with high winds something told me at 2:30 a.m. to go over and check the place...to find the door wide open...and everything COMPLETELY FROZEN, icicles formed on all of the faucets...blew a hot water line in the bathroom and one of my heat zone lines...which then blew the aquastat on my boiler and ruined the zone switch to the holding tank. The zone switch malfunction was only discovered when it overheated because it was stuck open, and so the pressure release (THANK GOD THAT OPERATED CORRECTLY) blew steaming hot water into my basement, flooding it. All of this then drained my propane supply, so I had to order more with the money that my "tenant" had given me toward her first month's rent so that she would have heat when she moved in. After all of this, I get a phone call from her stating she cannot move in because she lost her job!! It took 18 hours with 4 electric heaters and the furnace to heat that apartment to 50 degrees...so we won't even talk about my electric bill!! So this will give you somewhat of an idea of what my year had been like..lol.<br />
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So from about June of 2013, I had been focused on getting an additional job--had a couple of interviews, neither hired me. Then there was a dry spell where there were none listed that I would be qualified for. It just seemed as if the cards were completely stacked against me...and for the first time in my life, I was humbled to the point of degradation and I HATED myself. I felt like the biggest failure. How......did my life....that I had completely together at one point...completely fall apart like this? HOW did I allow this to happen? When was the last time I could honestly say that I felt confident in my ability to rise above my circumstances with determination and grace? Sad and quite surprising to me was the answer...it had been probably about 14 years ago. These problems did NOT crop up all at once and overnight....they only escalated over time--changing as my circumstances changed and my life changed around them...touching on every little thing I thought I could depend upon, until FINALLY, there was nothing I could depend upon but ME. Sure, I could probably sell my house and start over somewhere else...fresh starts...they all seem so inviting when you are <i>escaping</i> consequence and struggle. I am a firm believer that changing the scenery around us only pacifies a deeper change that needs to take place INSIDE of us. We will relive the same scenarios over and over again until we face what it is about ourselves that attracts this type of thing and begin to understand the dynamics of our very own self-sabotage.<br />
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I shared all of this personal information with you because I needed everyone to truly understand that I understand the levels of darkness one can experience and how much damage negative circumstance can have upon the spirit of one with the purest of intention--how it just seems that no matter how hard you try, you just cannot get past yourself and you are left sitting alone wondering how and why this is all happening to you. I've been scared to death for most of my adult life and never even realized it. I've sought out a "comfortable" life...not really wishing for anything more than the financial ability to pay my bills and maybe have a little bit left over to plant some flowers, have some gas for my lawn-mower and maybe a drink/dinner out once a month. I've never had any aspirations of great wealth...because with great wealth comes greater worry!! <----nail on the head....I've been deliberately patterning my life around what I believed to be the easiest, less worrisome path. Comfort...yeah, it's not all that it is cracked up to be. Part of it comes from modesty, I suppose...and the one thing that I have going for me (the thing that ALWAYS sees me through EVERYTHING) is my intention. I am not out to hurt anyone and I do have a sense of integrity. However, I have no problem hurting myself....as long as I am "comfortable" doing it--and the problem is...I had become COMPLETELY comfortable with that. I will guard my integrity from EVERYONE but myself.<br />
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I have to say with the utmost confidence and belief that the universe (God, or a higher energy) has FORCED this revelation out of me at rock bottom. Seems I've had a LOT of those---but each of them really feels like the end of the world (many deaths). Half of a lifetime of a subconscious attitude spinning around inside of me unnoticed is enough!!<br />
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What changed my life forever:<br />
1). Listening to my gut even when I wasn't sure of the point it was trying to make.<br />
2). NOT taking the easy way out, running away, escaping the discomfort of untoward circumstance.<br />
3). Opening my mind just enough to view the possibilities--even if they felt unreachable.<br />
4). Setting steadfast goals...so I always knew what it was that I was ultimately reaching for, even when obstacles would place themselves between them and myself--I could still see my way AROUND them, even if the path through or above them was blocked at the time.<br />
5). KNOWING my potential.<br />
6). Fixative focus is detrimental..... Awareness is most healthy.<br />
7). Fragmentation feeds fixation. Problems come in all shapes and sizes..and an onslaught of them may give them a fragmented appearance...as if one doesn't have anything to do with another....DON'T BE FOOLED. There is ONE solution to ALL of them...so don't chase your tail too long in one direction trying to solve one, because if you do this, you will waste precious time, and the next problem you try to solve in this manner will have you spinning in a totally different direction and you will undoubtedly trip over the one you THOUGHT you solved the first time around in that different direction. THEY all lead to one solution...find it--inside.<br />
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So, with all of this being said, I am most proud to proclaim that my circumstances and my entire LIFE has changed....and all it took...was a commitment to a <b><i>risk</i></b>....that's right...a RISK. I had gotten to the point where I had nothing left to lose and everything to gain by this ONE idea...and it was an idea bred of my potential, my gut, my awareness, and my goals. Because I was locked up on "fragmenting" and "fixating" upon every little thing as if it needed my undivided attention and it had it's very own solution, I discovered that everything I was trying to do to better my situation was for the WRONG reasons--it was just to pacify, to comfort, to relieve stress---AND alleviate worry. Not only was I taking a fragmented attitude to my problems, I was also looking at myself in this manner...my talents, gifts, interests...I looked at all of those as "each to their own" and this then confused me regarding what I was destined to do here. At different points in my life, there were differing areas of focus: I was convinced that getting an education in counseling was my key...and then it was becoming a published writer, then it was opening a soup and sandwich/coffee shop, then it was something different. So many interests, such diversified talents...<br />
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Just as there is one solution to all of our problems, there is one specific area that encompasses ALL of your inclination, your talent, and your gifts in moving forward to our steadfast and ultimate goal---to live a life of purpose---and problems and purpose are akin one to the other. I've finally found mine. The greatest thing about this is, I haven't even begun this venture yet (aside from the planning stages) and just the intention to start a business and saying it out loud...and then actively researching it and planning it has made a significant change in my life. I've realized how minimal the start-up costs would be, how it will feed my creative hunger and will utilize every single thing I feel I have to offer. My financial situation changed for the better--literally overnight with NO work from me at all...it was as if the cards were finally stacking up in my favor. I could just FEEL the change in the air, my attitude, the atmosphere as a whole. My INTENTION toward my DESTINY was all it took...believe it or not. There is SUCH truth to this. It was as if the universe just said...."there ya go....FINALLY....and to prove to you that this is the right choice, above and beyond what YOU already know and feel, I'm going to give you some stepping stones to replace those stumbling blocks."<br />
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SOOOO.. I know this is a VERY long and windy post people...but my point is this:<br />
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NO matter how hard things get..if your gut is telling you that an "out" you are considering is a "no-go"...listen to it, EVEN if it costs you a little more time, money, stress, worry...etc...Rome wasn't built in a day...be patient and continue to LISTEN. Side note: Did you know that Michelangelo was NOT a painter? He was a sculptor...though he accepted the commission to paint the Sistine Chapel even when he really didn't "want" to or even worse, felt that he didn't have the talent to do so...and it cost him YEARS of turmoil and drastic health problems...but he FINISHED it, and aside from his sculpture of "David"...it is the most recognized and heralded of ALL of his works--and in my opinion...the most beautiful. There IS a hidden destiny within you...when you find it, you WILL know it. JUST the recognition and acceptance of it will CHANGE YOUR LIFE and you will find you are being assisted in that direction without any action on your behalf. You will also find that the best parts of you will be highlighted in it...WIN/WIN!!<br />
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Also, you will find your focus turn from the "outcome" to the journey...you will find unmatched excitement in the PROCESS and every time that little voice chimes in attempting to sway your thoughts and dampen your enthusiasm with with its "fatalistic potential for failure" rant...your spirit steps in front of it reminding it that the only potential you are focused upon is YOUR OWN and you are so in tune with now that tomorrow doesn't even warrant consideration--AND if you were to even entertain it, it is met with..."I don't even care...nothing ventured, nothing gained...no reward without risk. <----this alone reinforces a major change in me. Growth is encountered within the process....the outcome is nothing but validation that growth in a specific area has occurred--and it is really more for the benefit of onlookers than it is for you. YOU know if you are growing or have grown and you are clear about the direction(s) of your growth. You don't need a SPECIFIC outcome to dictate this. One journey leads to another, and then another...but you can be sure that all of them are leading you in the direction of what is best for you.<br />
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I'm not going to get into the specifics of my venture here with words....but I will take you along on my journey as it tangibly unfolds.<br />
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As always...my very best to you, the ones you love and that love you...and take good care of yourselves. You are your own ship, sail, and rudder...you are your own wind, sun, and tide...make your journey count!!<br />
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Much love,<br />
Raina <3 <br />
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RainaMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363225677870877894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1312072408757221151.post-58602615664170202332014-01-04T11:59:00.000-05:002014-01-04T11:59:26.030-05:00Goodbye 2013 <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Happy New Year everyone!!!<br />
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Well, 2013 came in promising prosperity, bringing with it a beautiful symphony of sound, shining like a diamond, carrying that aromatic bundle of roses, and looking SO enticing. It seemed to have crossed all the T's and dotted all of those I's. It WAS the perfect package--or so I thought. Maybe it wasn't the year's fault at all..maybe..and it probably never is. Maybe there are mistakes I tend to repeat for reasons I'm just not quite clear about and life brings scenarios into my life to give me "another chance to get it right" and I just unwittingly usher it to the crapper all on my own. I'm thinking that this is a more truthful assessment. <br />
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Truth be told, the last few weeks of the year were REALLY good as far as gaining perspective and a more open-eyed, open-hearted approach to my life. I've gazed into my misconceptions and deepened my understanding of their origination and was quite surprised at how ingrained some of my attitudes were and how "set in my ways" I had become in certain areas of my life. These were indeed my stumbling blocks for me in 2013 (if I were to LIMIT it to a specific span of time). The trouble with this type of rigidity is that it permeates deeply without our conscious awareness...it is just habitual..and truly, there is SO much of this conditioned response to events in life that we have to REALLY choke down a HUGE dose of self-honesty and very intricate examination to even discover them. <br />
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For instance, I have a very hard time "taking credit" for "good" things that others believe I do. I have these words in quotations for a reason. These are examples of unconscious conditioned reaction and response. If it is true (and it is) that what others think of you is none of your business...then why do we feel the need to impose this on or attain this from others--(and I know a bunch of you would probably think that there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with complimenting, encouraging, or highlighting someone's accomplishments and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with receiving this type of compliment)...and maybe there isn't, however, it is just an example of how we are conditioned to POINT out to people the good, the bad, the indifferent effect they have had upon us and we in turn begin to just unconsciously say "thank you" or "kiss my ass" without really even thinking twice. When I was younger, I LOVED this recognition, craved it, and probably did things JUST to get it <---this is the problem..all of the wrong reasons. Now, it is discomforting to me and I will tell you why. Because my actions are no longer attached to anyone else's approval or disapproval. They are simply "because"...<i><u>because why</u></i>? THIS is my point. The reason behind any of my actions gets lost and this is what is MOST important to me. <i><b>What</b></i> I DO is UNIMPORTANT in and of itself---the meaning of anything I do is in the reason why I do it...and that I cannot take credit for because it comes from a prompt, a tug, a push and I find that I cannot ignore because it just won't leave me alone until I DO something. It is honestly like something else drives me...so taking credit feels out of place to me. I've had people say..."you have worked hard, you have achieved this or that...there is no shame in being proud of yourself" for whatever it is that is seen by others as a "good" thing. The truth is, I am proud of myself...but for reasons that go completely unnoticed by others. I am proud that I was blessed with a CONSCIENCE that completely rules my ENTIRE life-- my actions, my inaction, my thought life, my creativity, my work ethic, any philanthropic endeavors, anything GOOD that I ever do is credited to this mysterious God . It rules and that lords over me. I am led...and when I follow, I am proud of myself--because a lot of times, where I am led and what I am led to do are not places or things that are the most comfortable or easy. No one is ever taught how to "get a conscience"..and as technologically advanced as science has become, NO ONE can locate it, operate on it, or even understand how it works. It is what I believe to be something SO supernatural and so above any human capacity for intellect to even fathom. We teach and learn to "be polite"--"encourage positive action"--and then we learn that positive feedback of our actions brings us attention/adoration. Attention can become an addiction---a VERY malevolent addiction. It can and HAS created monsters. There is nothing overtly wrong with attention--it is nice to know that you are looked upon favorably and that others are comfortable in your company...we are, after all human beings who NEED this type of intimate connectivity to one another, as long as it doesn't over-rule or replace the "master." It is nothing more than a "perk" in life...it isn't the driving force behind our nature. AND this is what I wish more people would understand. Don't be impressed by what I do...but wonder why I do it--where it comes from--I am concerned more that people find this same commanding drive within themselves and relate to it than I am of being any example for others to follow. This is the true point of connectivity between us. Simple rule: KNOW it in you...SEE it in others. Our words, our actions, our accomplishments should sooner inspire action than collect praise. <br />
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Below are the lessons I finally GOT during 2013...though they took my entire lifetime to learn.<br />
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<b>OPPORTUNITY</b><br />
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I have been led to truly understand that there are "true" and "false" opportunities all around me. I never really realized this before...I just figured an opportunity is an opportunity...and all opportunity is GREAT!! Not the case...not the case at all. <br />
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<b>True and False Opportunity</b>: There is a difference between TRUE opportunities and FALSE opportunities...just as there are true and false prophets, hmmm...do you suppose there is a deeper hidden truth to this spiritual principle? Get your headgear on...here goes: Any opportunity that is going to be of any benefit to the goal we set for a desire we have to meet our destiny will follow a specific ORDER (trademark of truth). Most times, opportunities that are in line with our goal are SOUGHT in keeping with this order. A true opportunity will only show itself AFTER the pinnacle has been reached in your mind's eye and your intention to reach it has been SET. In other words....all of the fine details of an eventual success have been considered and you realize that all of the pieces have to be there IN A CERTAIN ORDER to complete the finished product. A False opportunity comes out of nowhere and is dropped upon you (which is its MO). The piece fits into the bigger picture, but it is somewhat out of progression. (Using the analogy of a puzzle...it is that piece that you know goes "somewhere in the middle" because you already have the edges done--so it just hangs out all by itself until you can fit some other pieces in AROUND it.) It will com easy, without being sought, and it will feel "too good to be true, and this is why these "false" opportunities are SO VERY enticing and leading. The cautionary tale in this is that a false opportunity will turn up during a time of desperation and within a mindset of lack in a VERY exclusive area of the big picture and your life--and yet, it is an out-of-place fragment. If you find yourself neck-deep in a situation where you are now "re-creating" your entire vision from the point of jumping upon this opportunity.....STOP!!! It will derail your life, your mission in life, and your "first love", which was your goal BEFORE you became distracted and derailed. In the end, the promise of this relief of "one less worry" will have you struggling to see the light of day, let alone the vision you had for your life. It may look like it belongs...but if it comes too easy or out of order, be advised that you are dealing with a force to be reckoned with. Trust me.<br />
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"Little children, you are from God and have overcome them (false prophets) for he who is IN YOU (your conscience) is greater than he who is in the world (Ego). They are from the world, therefore, they speak from the world and the world listens to them." Listen to your conscience...it can't get any clearer than that. This excerpt serves to transition the above with what you will read below. <br />
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<b>The Role of the Prophet in Opportunity</b><br />
Prophesy merely means "prediction of the future" and the prophet is merely the "messenger" of this prediction. The inner prophet and its message are two essential elements of every opportunity, every dream, every goal we will ever set. A false prophet (or opportunity) will come with an easier, faster, smoother transition, and fulfill an immediate desperate attempt to "fix" something, or fill a place of lack. Most people jump on these opportunities because they are desperate to have just ONE THING LESS to worry about. The reality; however, is that you will inevitably see problems crop up in another or many other "unconsidered" areas of your life and/or the journey to your goal. This one "leap of faith" can leave you fighting to regain the any semblance of the order in which you set out to accomplish your goal in the first place . So when opportunity comes a'knockin...do not invite it in UNLESS it brings with it the entire view you have seen from the pinnacle--your prophesy. If you have not invited it by your very own intention, action of some sort in that direction, or immense desire to "see its ENTIRETY come to fruition"...let it go--say thanks anyways..but this is really NOT where my life is going right now--maybe some other time...lol. There is a reason we have the talents, the gifts, and the desires we have...they contain our destiny. There is a reason that certain things are VERY important to us, while others lack such importance...they are our inner guide to that destiny and this priority factor outlines the "order of fulfillment." Do Not Stray From That Order. Don't sell out for a quick fix in one area of your life, because you you tire of being patient or you become discouraged. You will find that it has led you into a place you NEVER envisioned being and you will be held against your will struggling to just "make the best of the CIRCUMSTANCE" by patterning your entire life around it. To be aware of all of the potentials is to be wise, to be fixated upon one or any is to be self-sabotaging. Be wise...be cautious...be TRUE to yourself and your inner prophet. Stand firm..don't be tempted and swayed--not matter how bad things appear. <br />
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<b>Every Moment of Consciousness is an Opportunity to Learn about Ourselves . </b><br />
Every person you stumble across in your life or shows up in yours are TEACHERS. Our mothers, fathers, siblings, friends, enemies, the homeless, the rich, the powerful, and inept, the challenged..people in your life, and those you just observe from afar....ALL OF THEM ARE TEACHERS...they do not belong to you..you do not belong to them. They have a message to send you about YOU. They are there to inspire you in one way or another. They spur you, they deter you, they challenge you, they love you, they encourage you, they destroy you. The only common thing in YOUR relationship (whichever form it takes) with other people is YOU. Remember this. Do you casually stroll by a poor and homeless person begging for change because of your preconceived notion of how they got there, why they are there, and why YOU think they should or shouldn't BE THERE? Maybe they are there to teach you humility. Do you see the infirm and immediately think..."thank God that isn't me"? Maybe they are there to show you that infirmary is indiscriminate and this may indeed BE you someday and that good health is the most reverent blessing one has and you should be grateful for yours and compassionate to those who are not as fortunate. <br />
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What I am trying to say here is this: Our compass for finding our way around in life is set from the vantage point of "ME"...thank God that is not <i>me</i>, that will NEVER be <i>me</i>, <b>I</b> would NEVER do something like that, how can he/she do something like that...it is not in ME...we understand others from our only foundation of understanding...OURSELVES...so yes, everyone IS indeed EVERYONE...and everyone contains a tiny piece of YOUR truth--as if they are carrying with them a mirror. It is not for me to judge...it is for me to observe, study, and LEARN about myself--what feelings do the perceived unfortunate circumstances of others stir in me? Compassion, love, acceptance...anger, hostility, disregard, disdain? And how are these thoughts and feelings materialized? Through ATTITUDES, notions, and intentions. The ego points and laughs and bullies...the spirit empathizes and sees that person as itself and learns something about itself through its observation. <br />
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<b>Do Not Obsess about Getting There.</b><br />
An attitude or "belief system" is either toxic or healthy<b>. </b> THAT IS IT. There is no in-between. The most consistent way we sabotage our own well-being is through a fragmented, piecemeal, scattered set of rigid attitudes or beliefs. One bad apple...you could have the best of intentions...and find that you are in way worse condition than you were before you initiated a "means to an end". I've learned to STOP dwelling on the end result of everything. What I do is the BEST I CAN in everything <i>now</i>...and then, there is no guilt, no regret, and nothing I could have done differently. The result will take care of itself and then, I will deal with that as it comes. I have no way of predicting what will happen not even ONE MINUTE from now, and I have no way of determining whether or not history will repeat itself. The past and the future are NOTHING but thoughts. We don't go to bed each night worrying about whether we are going to wake up the next day, do we? The funny thing about that is....maybe we really should. Maybe we should just focus on "THIS MOMENT" and getting the most out of it...doing the best we can with it...being as proactive and productive as time allows and go to bed thinking...if I don't wake up tomorrow, today has been taken care of. With anything we take for granted...there is WASTE, sloth, and indifference. <---these are toxic---and so is the attitude that you are in charge of everything and everyone around you...and that you can somehow manipulate time and space...people and things to comply with your wishes and YOUR fixation upon how things SHOULD ultimately turn out--and this is what leads to disappointment, disillusionment, and a mindset of dependence. The only thing we can control is <i>ourselves</i>, <i>our</i> atmosphere, <i>our</i> actions, and <i>our</i> attitude <--this is healthy. We need to stop always trying to "get" something and just be open enough to receive what is--because there is a reason for it. I've found that the healthiest attitude to take on is...whatever will be will be...and it is what it is--and then I focus my attention toward finding that seed of opportunity within that moment--and I've discovered there are MANY.<br />
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<b>True Dat!!</b><br />
God is Love/Love is God/...What is Love/What is God..This has been a recurring subject with me...though I believe it to be true, the fact that I keep coming back to this is a signal to me that there was something in it that I wasn't getting. <br />
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What I DO know is this: LOVE is a state of being...it is not an emotion. It is not exclusive to relationships of any sort. There is NOTHING missing from it.. and more importantly...and this is what I think I was stuck on...It can NEVER be added to. Love is found and defined by SELF REALIZATION...the ultimate...last chapter...REVELATION <---which ACTUALLY means "a dramatic disclosure of something not previously known or <u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">REALIZED"</u>, (and you see, I have emphasized this in as many ways available to me in print because it is the epitome of my point) In addition, because I am going in this direction with this, in theological terms, its meaning is "a manifestation of divine will or truth." So in essence, this means "I have discovered AND witnessed the divine truth about ME." Our "holy war or Armageddon" is nothing more than the hell we find ourselves in as we are embarking upon this truth. It is our OWN personal battle to come full circle--to deprogram ourselves from societal meme and dogma...which is EVERYONE's hell and it is NOT an easy feat. <br />
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The greatest realization of this realization is this: Once you KNOW and live the truth of who you are and what you are made of and WHY you do the things you do, you can see the truth in everything and yourself in everyone. Patterns become more recognizable, vibrations begin to become tangible things, and you begin to see that your thoughts are indeed "all powerful." You begin to see that you are completely in charge of your reality, your prosperity, your dreams, your circumstances. You are a creator, he is a creator, she is a creator...we are all creators...and yet..."I AM WHO I AM." <--isn't this the response given to Moses by God upon his inquiry of "who shall I tell them sent me?" 'Once you start believing this...really, really believing it...and not using it as an excuse to limit yourself or an object of blame because of this self-imposed limitation, and you fully REALIZE your highest potential and you can see it materialize before you prior to its actual manifestation, and you can take a moment to relish in that feeling of completion...you will find that it will indeed materialize. Conversely, if you believe you are damned, you have the "worst luck", nothing can every go right for you, everyone has it out for you...etc...THAT WILL HAPPEN as well. The quote "If you think you can, or you think you can't....you're right." by Henry Ford really reveals a rather simplistic, yet profound truth. You are the receiver of your own attitudes and intentions. The universe or "God" only knows GIVING and deliverance. Your desires, your thoughts, your intentions, your attitudes, and your beliefs are the conduit for all that manifests in your life. Whatever you throw out there, comes right back to you--good or not-so-good. You will find God in the beginning of anything (desire/intention) and you will see God in the fulfillment and materialization of that desire and intention--this is where God lives. If you are on the right track, you will be rewarded, if you're not, you will be SCHOOLED and redirected, though you have to really understand that ALL that materializes is of your very own intention and if you don't like it, you may wanna check yourself. If you automatically blame the circumstance, the others, the time, the place, or whatever, you are not learning ANYTHING. Once you begin to open your eyes to this truth..you will see it in action. NO ONE or NOTHING can take anything way or add anything to you....you are WHOLE without any compromise whatsoever-- Compromise becomes relevant to situation and circumstance ONLY. When you fully accept and regard the truth of who you are and pattern your life around <b>that,</b> the <i>events of life</i> lose their power to define you, while you gain all the more power to REFINE you.<br />
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Lastly...we come into this world as one, self-contained being...we leave this world in the same manner....however, while we live and breath, exchanging the same oxygen and carbon dioxide--biologically made of the very same substances as the the cosmos, the earth, and everything that roams here and grows there...we begin to see what an integral part of this vast support system we really are and that what we breath out, someone/something else breathes in..and vice versa...what we offer, we receive. I would suppose that the sum total of all things exchanged by all things--the ebb and flow of life that we all intrinsically share would have to be God...therefore lending creed to "Alpha/Omega, Omnipresent/Omniscient. And since God is LOVE...it all stands to reason. <br />
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"It does not matter how long much time you are spending on this earth, how much money you have gathered, or how much attention you have received. It is the amount of positive vibration you have radiated in life that matters."~Amit Ray<br />
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"Creative scientists and saints expect revelation and do not fear it. Neither do children. But as we grow up and are hurt, we have learned not to trust." Madeleine L'Engel.<br />
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"And when I wake up it's wonderful, like I've been carried quietly onto a calm and peaceful shore, and the dream and its meaning has broken over me like a wave and is ebbing away now, leaving me with a single, solid certainty. I know now."~Lauren Oliver.<br />
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"It is more important to be of pure intention than it is to be of perfect action."~Ilyas Kassam.<br />
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And finally.... "Never surrender your hopes and dreams to the fateful limitations others have placed on their own lives. The vision of your true destiny does not reside within the blinkered outlook of the naysayers and the doom prophets. Judge not by their words but accept advice based on the evidence of actual results. Do not be surprised should you find a complete absence of anything mystical or miraculous in the manifested reality of those who are so eager to advise you. Friends and family who suffer the lack of abundance, joy, love, fulfillment and prosperity in their own lives really have no business imposing their self-limiting beliefs on your reality experience."~Anthon St<br />
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My message....live in awareness, curb the fixation. Do follow your dreams, Don't get sidetracked. Give until it hurts...it will be multiplied to you. I'm feeling completely blessed and powerful going into this new year. I've already experienced many instances of synchronicity and I now know that I am on my way...again. ;)<br />
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Love and Light to All..<br />
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RainaMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363225677870877894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1312072408757221151.post-63369267657407886392013-11-17T12:15:00.000-05:002013-11-17T12:15:35.458-05:00Commitment<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Hey everyone!! Hope everyone is enjoying their Sunday. The outside here may be a bit rainy, windy, and dark...but the inside is bright, warm, and calm!! <br />
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Wanted to stop in and hit on a topic that seems to be a misunderstood or lightly-taken concept. Few people really know what the word commitment means..OR they focus on maybe half of the definition and remain oblivious to what it means as a whole. <br />
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Commitment defined: <br />
1. the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc. dedication, devotion, allegiance, loyalty, faithfulness, fidelity.<br />
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2. an engagement or obligation that <i>restricts freedom</i> of action--responsibility, obligation, duty, tie, liability. <br />
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So one defining part of commitment is a PROMISE while the other is a TASK. Sadly, promises are easily broken and "tasks" are just too much like work...and most people look for the biggest benefit for the smallest contribution. I mean, who wouldn't? Maybe ...the people who make promises to themselves FIRST. A real promise is not easily kept..but if it is made first to myself, then it makes it a LOT tougher to break. In its complete state, commitment is dedication, devotion, allegiance, loyalty, faithfulness, and fidelity <b>TO </b>responsibility, obligation, duty tie, and liability. On the flip side...it is ALSO responsibility, obligation, duty <b>TO</b> dedication, devotion, allegiance, loyalty.......well, you get my point. So in essence, true commitment is not one or the other definition but BOTH as ONE. Commitment IS the promise of the action and the action of the promise. <br />
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So why do so many people obligate themselves to such extremes when they really don't understand the depth of what it really means to do so? Why would one "LOCK" themselves up, restrict their FREEDOM and willingly take on all of this responsibility? The simple answer would be because <i>they want to</i> and though the reasons <i>they want to</i> may vary widely...here are some right off the top of my head that are probably considerations: <br />
1). There is some sort of temporary benefit in it for them.<br />
2). They are attempting to create an image for themselves that coincides with commitment they make.<br />
3) They are attempting to gain the trust of others by means of an attempt to fulfill a promise. <br />
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The more involved answer would probably play out more like this:<br />
1). Being able to trust <i><b>themselves </b></i>enough to follow through is important to them.<br />
2). Deciding that the overall benefit far outweighs any real or perceived restriction, delay, or discomfort in achieving it.<br />
3). Their mindset is simply to make decisions that are in line with who they are. <br />
<br />
You see, a commitment is NOT a temporary thing and it really has nothing to do with comfort but rather speaks justly to the content of one's character. When we are young, we all dabble in this "commitment" thingy...and most times, we do it for all of the wrong reasons...insecurity, a need for acceptance, a need to be needed, wanted..etc. We have a picture in our heads of how we want our life to be and we end up filling it in with all of the wrong colors and shading..until we cannot even see the original anymore, let alone decipher from which direction the light may be entering when the shadows being cast seem to be all over the place. Though, as we mature and make a few life-altering mistakes, we begin to see that making promises just for the sake of a pretty picture isn't the purpose for them at all. <br />
<br />
You know you have the correct, concise, and true picture of commitment when:<br />
1) You have the opportunity to get something that you want so badly, but are aware enough to know that it is just another pretty package "beginning" that has "going nowhere" written on the card. <br />
2) You voluntarily (yet sometimes begrudgingly) limit your freedom to do what you want to do NOW for the sake of what is best for you in the long run. <br />
3). Your will is to FINISH everything that you begin or DIE TRYING. <br />
4). You become attuned to your strengths and weaknesses, and begin to view imposed limitation and challenge as an exercise in determination, courage, and opportunity to learn, transcend, and succeed. <br />
<br />
And lastly....when your goal is to completely trust, love, and embrace yourself as you are---when it is important to you that all that is around you or what you leave behind is a reflection of what is inside of you---when you carry with you no guilt, no shame, and no loose ends that you "wish" you'd have taken better care to tie up---when you take care to make sure that no one else suffers the consequences of your unwillingness to follow-through or shoulders any of the responsibility of your inability to do so. <br />
<br />
Important note..there is no escaping the truth...it goes with us wherever we go and we ALWAYS return to it, so it is best NOT to make promises we know we have no intention of keeping...because it is within our intention--the seed of our deepest desires that eventually blooms into the life we either live up to or attempt to live down. And truth...is no respecter of even the most inventive verbal utterings of a highly imaginative mind...so best to save the words--as what surrounds you and what you leave behind IS your mirror. Reflection wins every time. <br />
<br />
The <u>value</u> of the promises that we make (and not just the promises themselves) are the BEGINNING and the END of who we are. <br />
<br />
"We cannot be sure of having something to live for unless we are willing to die for it."~ Ernesto Guevara.<br />
<br />
"Freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose--and commit myself to what is best for me."~Paulo Coelho.<br />
<br />
"If you build the guts to do something--anything--then you better save enough to face the consequences."~Criss Jami. <br />
<br />
"There is a difference between interest and commitment. When you are interested in something, you do it only when it is convenient. When you are committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results."~Kenneth H. Blanchard. <br />
<br />
"Anyone can dabble, but once you've made that commitment, your blood has that particular thing in it and it is very hard for people to stop you."~Bill Cosby. <br />
<br />
And finally.."The relationship between commitment and doubt is by no means an antagonistic one. Commitment is healthiest when it is not without doubt, but in spite of doubt."~Rollo May<br />
<br />
Sitting exactly where you are now and taking a look back at the decisions that led you here is the only way you will find out exactly what it is you are committed to. Everyone is committed to something...whether it is healthy or unhealthy is determined by the nature of the challenge. Is it that of YOUR OWN resolve or the resolve of others? <br />
<br />
And that's all folks!!!<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
RainaMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363225677870877894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1312072408757221151.post-61605576414604112662013-10-17T09:53:00.000-04:002013-10-17T09:53:05.639-04:00Be Inspired<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Good morning and hello to everyone. <br />
<br />
I have SO many posts saved away in draft that I fully intended to publish..and then went "eh, maybe not." So I am trying my hand at it again today...hope this one actually has a point! I will begin today by saying that it amazes me how many things I interpret backwards...and how actually exciting it is when this epiphany hits. You would think that I would be all hard on myself for perceiving something the entirely wrong way for such a long time...only to discover...well..you get my point. This is when you know there is divine intervention at play...there will be some irony in the mix.<br />
<br />
A COMMON BOND BETWEEN INTUITION--INSPIRATION--CREATIVITY<br />
I've always had these little instances of moments of high intuition...where I would just instinctively KNOW things...and I would just quell any creative pursuits until these moments would <i>arriv</i>e and then I would feel and ultimately BE more creative. It would be these fleeting moments in time where I would feel most inspired. HOWEVER...lately, I have had to force creativity upon myself...I have had to think creatively and then force myself to pursue it as more of a possible means to an end rather than <i><b>waiting</b></i> on inspiration to lead me. I've had to tap into my potential...rather than waiting for my potential tap into me.--understand?<br />
<br />
Oh, the things we believe about ourselves (or should I say deceive ourselves into believing). What I have discovered is that ACTION is what gives birth to inspiration--whether it is our very own action or the actions of another. Our potential is an endless vat of possibility and opportunity. We don't need to be at all inspired to tap into it...sometimes, we just gotta do what we gotta do. We all pretty much know our own capabilities, propensities, and strengths. We just have to force ourselves sometimes to grab ahold of them when we are feeling TOTALLY uninspired, unmotivated, and unmoved to do so. What I discovered was that familiar feeling of KNOWING--my mind's eye shifting--and inspiration beginning to flood the plain. And because I always thought that these were just "seasons" that came and went without any comprehension or understanding of where, why, and how they arrived and left, I cannot recall specific actions on my part in the past that would have opened this flood gate..but I guess I kinda KNOW now that there had to have been. <br />
<br />
So my friends...I offer you this tidbit of info. It was a very eye-opening experience for me. Don't wait to be inspired...just MOVE in it...it will catch up to you, I promise!!<br />
<br />
Regards..<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
RainaMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363225677870877894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1312072408757221151.post-49952784047256553742013-09-14T20:26:00.001-04:002013-09-14T20:26:21.807-04:00 0:36--1:57....And it doesn't get much better than this....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/5CGdnIkuRMI" width="459"></iframe></div>
RainaMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363225677870877894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1312072408757221151.post-39524066157671639162013-08-04T08:01:00.000-04:002013-08-04T08:02:44.261-04:00The Woodwork<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/SBjQ9tuuTJQ" width="480"></iframe><br />
<br />
Hello everyone!! <br />
<br />
It is a beautiful Sunday morning (all Sunday mornings are beautiful, by the way). I don't get on here as much as I would like, but I've had some rather unruly and mentally-draining business to take care of....which still isn't quite taken care of yet, but in the works. <br />
<br />
During this time, I've come up with some material...imagine that!! Woodwork......that "how come no one told me this BEFORE" syndrome. It seems that the woodwork is always hiding people with specific knowledge that would be pertinent to saving you from doing something totally ignorant, but it only lets them out AFTER you're neck-deep in chaos and drama. What's up with that???<br />
<br />
Here's my philosophy...the woodwork is the keeper of the skeletons. The skeletons, however, believe they are in control and can come out whenever they see fit....however, the woodwork has a way of opening up and exposing them BEFORE they know what hit them--but this only seems to happen <i><u>after</u></i> a tragedy COULD have been averted. I guess we don't ever go looking for these skeletons...I think it is most people's nature to take someone's word for who they are...I mean, they know themselves better than anyone else...but maybe, the woodwork lays wide open the entire time, and we just choose to believe these bony beings are not there in favor of trust that they are not. <br />
<br />
Everyone has things from their past that they are not proud of...decisions we've made, things we've done...bad choices. If we understand they were mistakes, and we acknowledge we are NOT what we do or what we have done, and we make sure not to repeat these embarrassing little acts or hastened choices...then we tend to leave them where they were or we may even talk about them in jest....because acceptance of them really makes them somewhat of a past frivolity and the making of the better person we are today. Sometimes, when I bring to the surface of a conversation some of the things I had done--because I really have no shame...people cannot believe that I would do such a thing...or they cannot imagine me being in that place at that time doing what I was doing!! This is what lets ya know that you are not that person...the people who know you now, who see you daily...these are NOT skeletons.<br />
<br />
Skeletons are the embodiment of hiding WHO WE REALLY ARE...as opposed to being, living, and sharing who we really are, dumb-ass choices and all. The woodwork serves to open up into REALITY and TRUTH what the keeper is HIDING. There are many soldiers of the woodwork, but they keep their station until they are "called to duty." This happens when an event happens that is similar to a past event involving the same person....or when someone says something about someone that strikes a familiar chord from a past involvement of similar circumstances...then the woodwork army just bans together and comes marching out...with all manner of totally believable and uncanny truths...and you are left there going...REALLY...you expose this all NOW? <br />
<br />
Most times, you will get a reply that sounds something like this: "Well, I didn't want to rock the boat" or "I thought you already knew" or "We figured you'd find out on your own eventually." or "we've all always known this about him/her, this or that." Those are trademark woodwork "afterthoughts." And when the shit hits the fan....Whoa...look out....you could get your ass trampled by these soldiers, because THEN, they are on a mission...and this mission, I greatly appreciate...because I am of the belief that everything happens at the exact time it should...even though I would LOVE to change the past and would have loved the chance to do things differently with ALL OF THE PERTINENT INFORMATION...but hey...that's what makes life interesting. You actually find out that the woodwork is there to lean on and help you through it...it offers support during the difficult time of admitting that you have made (yet another) grave mistake. It gives you useful and helpful information to fix the problem...so not all is lost...and then you walk away AGAIN with another lesson learned. This was something that I needed to learn...however, it seems to be set on repeat...so there is obviously SOMETHING that I am missing or WAS missing in all of it. <br />
<br />
I believe it is that my philosophy on trust...has been back-asswards....yeah...I always freely give it until I am given reason not to. Maybe I shouldn't trust anyone until THEY give me a reason TO. I mean, it is an <i>earned </i>commodity...and a VERY, VERY precious and valuable one. I thought that it always worked for me...but my buddy "hindsight"..ya know, the very close cousin of the woodwork, bred of the skeletons...tells me "eh...not so much." <br />
<br />
So that is it for today...off to polish up some woodwork!! :)<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
RainaMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363225677870877894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1312072408757221151.post-37112789879898010562013-07-12T08:15:00.000-04:002013-07-12T08:15:20.300-04:00FIRST IMPRESSIONS....eh..pish tosh<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Good morning folks!<br />
<br />
Sitting here thinking about first impressions and how we sometimes get ourselves tangled up with the wrong people because of them. <br />
<br />
I've heard people say that "you attract what you are" and I've also heard "you tend to admire in others the things that you lack"...yet, I've come to my own conclusion on the matter after some deep thought and many occurrences of this phenomenon in my life. After each one of these "mishaps" in judgement and usually MUCH stress caused by them, I always learn a little something about myself...but this time, I believe I've hit the mother-load of education!!<br />
<br />
It seems that (speaking for myself, of course) I assign to people a character. YES...they really don't earn it at all before I jump right in assigning one to them BASED UPON an impression they make on me. This comes from an over-abundance of empathy...I am FOREVER placing myself in someone else's shoes OR placing them in mine <---and I will explain what I mean by this. <br />
<br />
If I meet someone who is in a similar situation that I was once in myself that may have been of particular struggle for me that I have since transcended, I will say...I WAS that person...or that person reminds me so much of my younger self, or his/her situation reminds me of a situation I was once in...and BAM, I begin to relate to this person on a deeper level--even though I really KNOW absolutely nothing about them but the "superficials." I go right to situation and circumstance...because we all have them...and it is a common thing with ALL people. I may then say to myself...boy if only someone would have given me a chance or a break or tried to better understand my struggle, I would have given the world to know I was more supported or more cared for...etc. SO then...it is on. I jump right in thinking that this person is LIKE ME, wanting the same things, prioritizing things the same way, and maybe I could make a difference in their lives to save them from this or that that I went through...when I had no one to make a diffference for me...and how maybe their life could be maybe a bit different. I then begin to want to "spare" them...so then the rescue mode kicks in.<br />
<br />
Most times (if you have a heart at all for others), it is an unconscious compulsion to give to others what you lacked but wanted so badly...and it comes from BEING DENIED and NOT having. I've never been much of a materialistic person, so what I give is what <b>I</b> believe to be most valuable....time, trust, love, and support.<br />
<br />
So my empathy goes haywire as soon as I see someone who shares with me a "like" situation or circumstance with me or even worse, someone who has gone through something that I pray would NEVER happen to me...because I already KNOW it would destroy me...and then I admire their tenacity and ability to cope...so I want to offer my love, support, and compassion with them. <br />
<br />
To me...this is NORMAL. However, I've learned that not everyone who is going through a similar situation or living a similar circumstance as I have has the same attitude or desirous outcome that I did. In fact, there are those who don't even care to change anything about them, rise above them, or get out of them. They create them purposely for attention, special favor, and exploit and use them to their advantage and self-serving nature. THIS is what I've missed in all of this. NOT everyone is like me...in fact, no one is exactly like me or you or anyone else. Some don't want support...they want someone to come in and DO IT FOR THEM. They don't want to better their lives, they just want to make that impression to get suckers like me to offer them something to unwittingly aid to their self-serving end...it's crazy...but its true. <br />
<br />
I ask myself...how is it...if I have learned ANYTHING AT ALL from the close encounters I've had with this type of person that I seem to end up always having one of them TOO CLOSE? It is my nature to believe in the GOOD...to believe that everyone just needs a chance, a boost, a friend, a trusted confidant...to achieve a better, more substantial, fulfilling life...because that is all I've ever strove to achieve...it isn't about stature, finances, attention, and what I want...it is about peace, happiness, family, security, stability, and not having to WORRY. I know what it is like to worry...about the roof over my kids' heads, where the grocery/bill money was going to come from to KEEP a roof over their heads, who I could trust to watch them in my absence, having time to make sure their environment was safe, sound, and clean, whether or not I was a good example in my day-to-day behavior, my expectations of myself, etc. I was concerned with always making sure that how people saw me (and I mean EVERYONE) was the same person I KNEW myself to be---so there would be no question of my authenticity...and that was important also to mirror to my children. I AM RESPONSIBLE for every choice I make...and I TAKE that responsibility VERY seriously...and I guess I think EVERYONE does...but the fact of the matter is....and very sadly, there are a lot more people in this world who would rather just ride your coat-tails than recognize the wings you offer them to fly on their own...the more you give, the more they expect. <br />
<br />
So, how does one avoid this trap....GIVE people enough time to SHOW you themselves WHO they are and WHAT they are about and HOW they operate BEFORE you go assigning all of the "hard luck" or "bad break" excuses FOR them and rush in to pave their rocky road smooth for them. People have a way of playing upon your genuine attributes and assigning THEMSELVES to them as well. "See, I'm just like you, suffering the same struggles, wanting the same things, having the same priorities, principles, and looking to transcend...just like you." They have a way of "admiring" YOUR tenacity, your obvious ability to overcome and HAVE what it is that is so important for them to achieve. AND so, here is the equation:<br />
<br />
Overabundant compassion/empathy + opportunistic means to an end = DISASTER.<br />
<br />
So, those are my thoughts today and my latest life lesson. Don't apply your own impressions upon the impressions of others. No one is like you. Allow their true colors to paint themselves upon that canvas before you paint it all up pretty FOR them. <br />
<br />
Been a sucker for hard luck cases all my life...always brought home the strays...but now, I give to those who receive...and I don't to those who TAKE. There is a difference & I am now fully aware of it.<br />
<br />
Good day to all...<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
RainaMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363225677870877894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1312072408757221151.post-345606401979447212013-06-20T08:07:00.003-04:002013-06-20T08:07:39.415-04:00Women Over 40. By Frank Kaiser<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I stumbled across this...found it to be SO true that I wanted to share it. <br />
<br />
<div style="border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 8px; outline: none; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:</div>
<div style="border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 8px; outline: none; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
An older woman will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask,"What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.</div>
<div style="border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 8px; outline: none; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
If an older woman doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And it's usually something more interesting.</div>
<div style="border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 8px; outline: none; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
An older woman knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is,what she is, what she wants and from whom.</div>
<div style="border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 8px; outline: none; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
Few women past the age of 40 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.</div>
<div style="border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 8px; outline: none; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
Older women are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with youat the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can getaway with it.</div>
<div style="border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 8px; outline: none; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.</div>
<div style="border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 8px; outline: none; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
An older woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women.</div>
<div style="border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 8px; outline: none; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
An older woman couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.</div>
<div style="border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 8px; outline: none; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an older woman. They always know.</div>
<div style="border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 8px; outline: none; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
An older woman looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.</div>
<div style="border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 8px; outline: none; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, an older woman is far sexier than her younger counterpart.</div>
<div style="border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 8px; outline: none; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off youare a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.</div>
<div style="border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 8px; outline: none; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
Yes, we praise older women for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.</div>
</div>
RainaMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363225677870877894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1312072408757221151.post-63906108123977136702013-05-20T09:26:00.001-04:002013-05-20T09:26:43.901-04:00DUTY--The "Am/Can/Will" vs. The "Am not, Can't, and Won't" Mindset.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Good morning folks!!<br />
<br />
It is SO beautiful here this morning. I've already been outside sitting on my porch, sipping my coffee, taking in the smell of lilac, listening to the birds, and enjoying the calm before the bustle of travelers heading into work and the school buses commuting students to school commenced. What a lovely morning!<br />
<br />
I have had quite a lengthy absence from my blog, as the usual turning over of the garden soil, lawn maintenance, trimming, and the like have sort of commanded my attention...and you will have no complaints from me!! I am a "am, can, and will" sort of person, so my sense of duty comes very naturally and is based mostly upon "moral obligation" moreso than any "forced" sense of duty. I embrace the work it takes to combine who I am with the things I set out to do. Though, the wise will say that a person is not defined by what they do, I do believe that the attitude you carry with you into tasks you willfully commit yourself to is a pretty good indicator of whether you are a "am, can, and will" or a "am not, can't, and won't" type of person...and from where your sense of duty originates. <br />
<br />
"AM/CAN/WILL<br />
The "am, can, and will" type does not need to be cajoled, hinted at, or demanded to do anything that needs to be done. They already know and are willing, ready, and able to accept and take on the responsibility and will try anything at least once. They tend to be more frugal with time, money, and always enumerate their tasks from an ingrained priority list. They tend to be more thoughtful of the commitments they enter into, making sure that enough time, energy, ability, and finances will support their decision BEFORE they take on anything that requires personal responsibility and upkeep---as these types also take this very seriously as well. Sometimes, the original "plan" changes, and the "am, can, and will" will have to re-prioritize re-plan and reconfigure his/her role within the plan, but you can bet, he/she will have the attitude of "whatever it takes" and "you do what you gotta do" because to the "am, can, and wills"--it is inconsequential what someone else does or doesn't do...their sense of duty is MORAL and is based upon a greater good, and they have to live up to their word and at least put up their best effort to make it work if they are to sleep well at night. They are very independent types who scoff at depending upon anyone to do what they feel they are completely capable of doing themselves. Of course, there are things that just shouldn't be "tried at home"..by novices and left to the paid service of professionals, but even in this....if it needs to be done, these types make sure it gets done. It may entail a little juggling of finance, and time, but again...there are PRIORITIES and these types have a keen sense of what takes precedence --even when unforeseen and unplanned circumstance forces changes upon them from time to time. To these types, it is very important that everything that surrounds them is a reflection of what is inside of them. Whatever they do, they do to the very best of their ability. It is not enough for these types to "just get the job done"..as they are adverse to mediocrity. They greatly appreciate all that they have, even if it isn't the best of anything to anyone else's measure or standard. To them, their home is their castle, their car is their chariot, their children are their heart, and everything they have ever earned is a prized souvenir of great travels. They cannot rest if they are not improving, investing, and contributing. <br />
<br />
AM NOT/CAN'T/WON'T<br />
This type generally goes about life "searching" for that one thing that will make their life complete at different times. They base their commitments upon novelty and what feels good at the time, or what looks good on paper. Their sense of duty is based upon acceptance and being seen in a good light by onlookers. Their sense of priority is skewed and changes like a chameleon as it is highly influenced by their surroundings and the company they keep. Although they may "appear" to have it all together, have strong work ethic, and a sense of moral duty, it is only show to those who actually do...so they can, by association be seen in that light as well. They usually are looking to befriend those who can do something FOR them...and always have an excuse or object of blame at the ready when they cannot produce what they have committed to. They are highly dependent individuals who play the "damsel in distress" and "poor me" card WAY too much. They seem to be incapable of making decisions for their lives on their own and depend upon the input of others to sway them one way or the other. Though they are very adverse to anyone who "offers" advice to them without them FIRST seeking it, because of their controlling nature. They generally have no respect for the property or feelings of others UNLESS it can benefit them in some way--and if you look close enough, you will see that they really have very little respect for their own things and property. Because their happiness is based upon novelty...we all know how temporary that is...once the newness wears off...and upkeep sets in...they become detached and totally uninterested. They look to be stimulated all of the time and actually (as much as they bitch about it) LOVE chaos and drama...and if they can be the catalyst...it is all the better. In opposition to their counterparts, their focus is upon what they absolutely WILL NOT DO...because usually, this will get their hands a little dirty...and dirty hands does not an "attractive and acceptable to others" person make. They will say things like "I don't know how you do it" and "I wish I was as strong as you" in an effort to "butter you up" and provoke rescue. But what the "am not/can't and won't" just doesn't understand is that once the "am, can, and will" sees what you do and how you behave when there is no audience to impress, he/she becomes disenchanted with the display and then expects you to maybe WATCH and LEARN instead of soliciting someone to do it FOR you. They do the very LEAST that is expected of them, and their "play-time" seems to always take precedence over obligation of any sort. They prioritize their time, effort, and finance to all of the "feel-good" moments...and if they have any energy, money, or time left over...they may do 1/8 of what may be expected of them...just so they can say they made an effort. What is expected OF them, they also see as an imposition from others--not something they expect of themselves. There doesn't seem to be any "true to word or form" morality. Because their lives are a display, they are incapable of instinctively KNOWING anything but what they are told...but just try to tell them something they don't want to hear....oh boy!<br />
<br />
As you can probably deduce, these two types do not fit, mix, or "play nice in the sandbox." There are those of moral obligation and duty (that stems from the need to preserve and improve upon what is earned or gifted) and those of forced obligation (that stems from selfish need to obtain something from others) 2 Corinthians 6:14 states: "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers; for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness and what communion hath light with darkness?"<br />
<br />
When you invite anyone into your life believing that you are of the same mind and heart...and find that your goals, your aspirations, and your work to preserve what you love is being fought every step of the way, and it seems like you have to battle the will of another to preserve and/or improve what is rightfully yours, it is time to kick 'em to the curb. I have no commonality or fellowship with this type of individual...it is an oil and water scenario. You are either a person of your word, or you are not. You are either morally driven, or you are not. You either have self-discipline or you do not. What you do when others are not watching is the best indicator of who you are inside and how you treat those who cannot do anything FOR you is another. <br />
<br />
The difference between a cheerful giver and a rescuer (enabler) is the COST. If every time someone "forgets" or it "slips their mind" or "never crossed their mind"...it ends up costing YOU something...ya know what you are dealing with. <br />
<br />
FIRST TEST GRADE AFTER INTENSIVE LESSON: A+<br />
<br />
Time to move on to the next...because I choose to move forward, not relive over and over again...my past.<br />
<br />
"Wisdom is knowing what to do next, virtue is doing it."~David Star Jordan.<br />
<br />
"Character is doing the right thing when nobody's looking. There are too many people that think that the only thing that's right is getting by and the only thing that's wrong is getting caught."~J.C. Watts.<br />
<br />
"If you have integrity, nothing else matters. If you don't have integrity, nothing else matters."~Alan Simpson.<br />
<br />
"Everyone complains of his memory, but no one complains of his judgement."~Francois de La Rochefoucauld.<br />
<br />
"Persons with weight of character carry, like planets, their atmospheres along with them in their orbits."~Thomas Hardy.<br />
<br />
Good day to all...it looks like it's gonna be a beauty!!<br />
<br /></div>
RainaMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363225677870877894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1312072408757221151.post-76442960304334562692013-04-20T09:09:00.000-04:002013-04-20T09:09:01.821-04:00"...Neither persons or property will be safe."<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
It is a somber morning here for me. I had a hard time sleeping last night with the events of the last 4 days, since the bombing at the Boston Marathon. <br />
<br />
Though I usually avoid the news with all of it's tantalizing tidbits of propaganda and shit-talk--I felt compelled to have it on yesterday as they were searching for the youngest of the two bombing suspects. I got a really GOOD dose of its POINT-DRILLING tactic and when it wasn't as completely redundant as it could POSSIBLY GET, all of the outrageous inconsistencies were laughable. To me, these reporters looked like circus clowns, and the reason why they go into reporting....THEY ARE FOLLOWERS who live to be led, scrap-feeders who dig to the bottom of the dirtiest dumpster for their survival. I was completely disgusted at the disorganized frenzy of these experts of exploitation, drawing their own conclusions, voicing their own opinions, and the point-to-point maneuverability of them. All of this talk about "radicalization" and how fast and easy it is to become radicalized online (as if they are now experts in psychology). As I sat there listening to this crap, I thought we have children, adolescents, and young adults who have been BORN AND RAISED HERE who have committed similar unconscionable acts of violence HERE. We experience terrorism everyday...on different scales of course...but nonetheless, terrorism. What the hell does the media think THEY are peddling here--messages of PEACE??? "This country's agenda and that country's agenda," and blah, blah, blah....."this religion, that religion" blah, blah, blah. Everyone wants to get into the heads of these perpetrators, but no one wants to admit the truth of what they see...so we just go all hell-bent on revenge and two wrongs never make a right. How long have the wars that spawned from 9/11 been going on and how many lives have we TRADED for the lives taken (2996 plus the 19 hijackers)---the estimates are around 112,043-122,573 civilian deaths (and STILL counting after 10 years) in a malevolent plot for revenge based on the same clown-like, inconsistency, maneuverability of reason, and the blatant "leading" lies to the people "leading" us to believe there were "weapons of mass destruction." <br />
<br />
I may stand alone in my compassion for these two boys, who are the ages of my eldest and youngest children, and their families and those close to them, but I don't care. I am in no way suggesting that justice does not need to be served. They made a choice to commit a premeditated, calculated, and morally reprehensible crime against other<i> innocent human beings</i>. I am only stating that these two seemed to have some very great potential for success and were very well-liked by those who knew them. The one thing that struck me throughout this whole circus presentation was the fact that the eldest of these two was a golden-glove champion boxer, but when he was to compete in world competition, he was DENIED to do so even though he EARNED the right to compete. Why you may ask....and this is what PISSES me off...because he was FOREIGN. Look, American Government....if you "lift your lamp beside the golden door" and this boy has gone through the legal process of becoming WELCOME here....and while he is here, he makes a POSITIVE contribution to the "culturally diverse" nation you so proudly boast yourself to be....then make good on YOUR promise. I guess in this wonderful nation of ours, people are only allowed SO much success before a reason is found to say..."yeah...that's enough...sorry." It's either one way or the other...I, myself have HAD IT with the "both-ways" bullshit...as governmental officials see no cuts in THEIR salary, no contributions of their earned money being made to health insurance...but the working-class American people are being denied because of YOUR CHOICES. This glass-house, stone-throwing, lack of empathy over the struggle that your choices have caused an entire country is never under scrutiny though is it...could it possibly be the cause of others having an attitude of entitlement--just like you? Hmmm..I guess we will never know will we. It seems that your appeal is your CHARM...the wrapping paper is so pretty...and YES, there is a LOT more opportunity and a lot more protection and a lot more of everything that appeals to the human nature within the confines of this country, but there are also the "haves" and "have-nots" and if you were to really take an interest in what provokes a law-abiding citizen who loves this country to snap...the governing body may want to set a better example in the humility you expect us to reflect. <br />
<br />
My hypothesis may sound a bit trivial...that this 26-year-old snapped because he was denied furthering his passion here because of his ethnicity, but up until that point, he was probably head over heels in love with this country and all the opportunity that it had bestowed upon him. And then BAM...sorry, you are not GOOD enough to advance and represent our country because of circumstances beyond your control. You were born elsewhere. Seriously? And another thing that struck me was the blatant ignorance of the uncle of these two who was clearly more concerned with the SHAME these boys had brought to himself and a family name than showing any amount of love or compassion--shouting "because they are LOSERS and cannot adjust themselves." If this is the type of "family" they come from...then, really...is it any wonder? The family is in COMPLETE denial over this....hmmmm....wonder why? Denial usually comes from the inability to face the truth...and they surely don't want ANY of these actions to be attributed to, blamed or reflected upon them. I also felt as if the younger of the two was more of a "go along" but who really knows. Those are just my feelings.<br />
<br />
At any rate, personal responsibility is not to be downplayed and it is not my intention to take any sides here. I am just a proponent for the "gray area." We can woulda/shoulda/coulda all day long over what has been done, but it really gets us nowhere. For the sake of those injured and killed in the Boston Marathon bombing, I wish for you closure in the capture and wielding of justice to the perpetrators that effected your lives so adversely. They deserve what they get...and they get what they give. There really are no winners here though...just really bad choices that changed lives forever. It seems we have enough of that going around...and that reaches beyond America...it is everywhere...encased within the mind and intention of every individual. <br />
<br />
Toying with and limiting someone's purposeful passion is never a good idea. At the Boston Marathon, I think it was nothing more than an "eye for an eye" M.O. <br />
<br />
"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."~Martin Luther King, Jr.<br />
<br />
"Where justice is denied, where poverty is enforced, where ignorance prevails, and where any one class is made to feel that society is an organized conspiracy to rob and degrade them, neither persons or property will be safe."~Frederick Douglass. <br />
<br />
Praying for PEACE.<br />
<br /></div>
RainaMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363225677870877894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1312072408757221151.post-10202568179780432202013-04-14T11:12:00.000-04:002013-04-14T11:12:44.781-04:00LUMINOSA<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
This is the GREATEST weekend ever!!!! A most joyful greeting to all of my blog family today.<br />
<br />
Passion (defined): Strong and barely controllable emotion. <br />
<br />
Although the word "passion" appears in the dictionary with it's LIMITED definition...I believe it is a state of being...much like and in conjunction with love and truth. The dynamic of passion is hard to pin down by words alone as its very nature is contained within the character of the individual. I don't see it at all as an emotion, but more of a unceasing DRIVE geared toward something you LOVE and a commitment to use every ounce of capability you have within you to continually polish it, and without fear, <b><i>display</i></b> it...sort of like a great piece of art...or a beautiful music composition. Passion has an innumerable and immeasurable amount of outlets and displays and each of them...BEAUTIFUL. <br />
<br />
There are no barrier's to the emotion someone operating out of passion exudes. The emotion travels off of paper, through a television and/or computer screen, through the a tone and vibration of an a musical instrument, or someone's voice alone. A song, a performance, a painting, sculpture, or a speech can bring us all to tears if we are in tune with the message...and sometimes, it seems to just hit from out of nowhere...something down inside of us that we are unaware of just squeezes a tear from our eye. If there is passion....there will be a response to it..it fills the air. It is the PASSION behind the work that lives on in infamy...not the work alone. It speaks to us and leaves a mysterious impression upon our hearts. We can even recapture and surface that emotion with a mere recollection of the event that initiated the response. It is this "tuning in" to one another....FEELING another's passion that allows us to bond with them on such an intimate level. We, in essence, become the impassioned. <br />
<br />
The reward in this innate characteristic is the "drawing" ability of it. Even though your passion may not even be the same as someone else's--passion ignites passion regardless....especially if that passion is one of someone you deeply love. It brings out an admiration of courage, determination, and dedication...and hence, hooks us and brings us into their world, their love, the deepest part of their being and the reward of "putting it ALL OUT THERE" and being validated in it...becomes an emotionally-charged celebratory event for ALL. <br />
<br />
This weekend....well more specifically...on April 12, 2013...my eldest daughter performed in World Champioinship level competition in a sport that has consumed her passion for 13 years. Going into this season of WGI, she knew it was going to be her last. The last 10 years of her participation in this sport, she has traveled every year to Worlds...and was completely satisfied--if not overjoyed at the prospect of making it to finals. Last year, they left World competition ranked 4th. THAT was HUGE!!! Although the dream of that medal was always the goal....didn't matter WHICH medal...just the recognition of being in the top-3 would be significant. <br />
<br />
I am OVERJOYED to let you all know...that this unit took the GOLD this year!!!!!! I cannot even begin to express (though I shall try) the emotion I felt when the realization that they were definitely within the TOP 3...so when they announced the bronze medalists (and it wasn't them)...and then the silver....MY entire being broke out in total emotional chaos...screams, tears, jumping up and down....I felt FLOODED with so many strong emotions FOR her---NOT that she needed any help!!!! Her sister (who has marched right alongside her EXCEPT for this year) and I unfortunately could not be there in person...due to finances and work commitments...but we were able to view ALL of their performances leading up to this cherished moment for all of them via live stream from the WGI Fan Network.<br />
<br />
As my baby girl stood proudly behind the "WGI SPORT OF THE ARTS CHAMPIONS" sign, and as everyone else was looking toward the "still shot" cameras...there was my champion staring off to the left into the video camera, mouthing the words "Hi mom...and Michaela...I LOVE YOU with tear-filled eyes and joy that I felt as if I was right there with her." I reached out and touched the computer screen and said "I love you too sweetheart!!"<br />
<br />
This is the "emotional response" to PASSION...and it is contagious...and what I felt (and continue to feel) I want more than anything to give back to them. I want them to be as proud of me as I am of them...because it is SUCH a gift to want for those you love EVERYTHING that they want so desperately for themselves....and the admiration you feel for someone who is willing to display their entire vulnerability for all to see in the process is so overwhelming. <br />
<br />
So my definition of passion is this: A mysterious driving force that won't leave you alone, keeps you pushing toward greatness despite falling short of your goal time and time again convincing you that YOU CAN DO THIS and laying opportunity before you that becomes your responsibility to recognize. Emotional exudate and response is a biproduct of passion...not the definition in and of itself!!<br />
<br />
Congratulations Luminosa Winterguard--WGI Independent A Class Champions!! Thank you for all you have done for and with my daughter to make her dream come true....what a fitting tribute and send-off to her!! I'm so proud of each and every one of you...and because this has been my baby's passion for SO long...I FEEL YA!!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
RainaMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363225677870877894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1312072408757221151.post-78988930660517219312013-03-31T08:24:00.000-04:002013-03-31T08:36:25.052-04:00Easter Message<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Good Morning Family!!<br />
<br />
Just a quick stop here this morning to share with you, a beautiful prayer composition by Max Ehrmann (most known for his poem, <i>Desiderata)</i>, that was recited at a memorial service that I attended yesterday. Amid the deep sentiment a service such as this emotes in and of itself throughout all who attend, this poem, read at its conclusion, so deeply resonated within me that I felt every letter of every word of every stanza--the sentiment it conveyed completely overtook me. I couldn't help as well, to feel that if I were ever so blessed to be so very intimately connected to this gift of prose as the author of it, I could have authored it myself. It embodies a system of checks and balances bound to my innermost beliefs and therefore, sent my spirit tearfully melting out of my chair into the floor. The message it contains is one suited so well to the traits of a most wholesome and humble character. On this Easter Sunday, I would like to share it with all of you who come by to read. May the sentiment of these words be that of your life's mission statement and may God bless and keep you on your journey.<br />
<br />
<b><u>A PRAYER</u></b><br />
By Max Ehrmann<br />
<br />
Let me do my work each day;<br />
And if the darkened hours of despair overcome me,<br />
May I not forget the strength that comforted me<br />
In the desolation of other times.<br />
May I still remember the bright hours that found me<br />
Walking over the silent hills of my childhood,<br />
Or dreaming on the margin of a quiet river,<br />
When a light glowed within me,<br />
And I promised my early God to have courage<br />
Amid the tempests of the changing years.<br />
Spare me from bitterness<br />
And from the sharp passions of unguarded moments.<br />
May I not forget that poverty and riches are of the spirit.<br />
Though the world know me not,<br />
May my thoughts and actions be such<br />
As shall keep me friendly with myself.<br />
Lift my eyes from the earth,<br />
And let me not forget the uses of the stars.<br />
Forbid that I should judge others,<br />
Lest I condemn myself.<br />
Let me not follow in the clamor of the world,<br />
But walk calmly in my path.<br />
Give me a few good friends who will love me for what I am;<br />
And keep ever burning before my vagrant steps<br />
The kindly light of hope.<br />
And though age and infirmity overtake me,<br />
And I come not within the sight of the castle of my dreams,<br />
Teach me to be thankful for life,<br />
And for the time's olden memories that are good and sweet;<br />
And may the evening's twilight find me gentle still. <br />
<br />
<br /></div>
RainaMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363225677870877894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1312072408757221151.post-82716883684201349552013-03-29T11:04:00.002-04:002013-03-29T11:15:38.842-04:00"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may..."<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Good Morning Family!!<br />
<br />
I decided that I would post today...being Good (or Holy) Friday. Because of the "height-range" of my thoughts and beliefs, I simply cannot limit myself to one set of principles/teachings/or any specific reverence quotient as it/they refer to "God"--I do; however, find it quite apropos to celebrate this year alongside my Christian family due to the fateful correlative time-frame of my very own spiritual resurrection.<br />
<br />
As you all know, as I have made sure that you do...I have received much wise counsel and clear insight into myself and my work from a voice of the ages which has served to breathe new life into me, and therefore, my work. This voice then went on to acquaint me with another who then sought to critique the work of the first---who served me up a heaping dish of EPIPHANY. I'm not even gonna go into any explanation about that because you probably wouldn't believe it if you had been there to experience it yourself...but that is the way of mystery, I suppose. Since my recent introduction to myself (as a writer) by these masters of prose, I have satirically declared myself an honorary member of the "Dead Poets Society"--AND we will just leave THAT.... right there!<br />
<br />
So in the spirit of resurrected spirit, I would like to share with you a piece I composed that will appear within the introduction of my (yet untitled & unfinished) book. I feel it proper to let you know that this piece was begun as a completely separate endeavor from the book, though with my recent induction to the Dead Poets Society, I felt rather inclined to revisit its (also yet unfinished) content. As I skimmed the text, the last few verses added themselves, and much to my surprise, I found it to be a very concise introduction AND summation of my book!!! The melodic and poetic nature of this piece adds a certain je ne sais quoi to the entire project...from beginning to end, Who would have known?? So.... without further adieu:<br />
<br />
<i>VOYAGE</i><br />
<br />
As I walk across this stage of life my lines become a blur,<br />
Between the points of now and then, the known and the obscure. <br />
<br />
I travel on in search of all that’s real and true of love,<br />
Between the points of if and when, of under and above. <br />
<br />
I've found myself upon the lane of lonely and self-doubt,<br />
Betwixt the bridge of why/why not, of with and of without. <br />
<br />
Across this bridge, I dove into the sea of guilt and shame,<br />
And swam across the channel of the difference and the same.<br />
<br />
I've crawled upon the island of lonely and despair,<br />
And wandered paths of unknown space that crossed from here to there.<br />
<br />
I've climbed atop a mountain and gained a clearer view,<br />
Of the intersecting trails of how to think and what to do.<br />
<br />
I've found myself in places where my only sense was sight,<br />
And felt the most engulfing peace in the darkness mixed with light.<br />
<br />
I’ve walked a thinning tightrope between right and what seemed wrong,<br />
And asked myself repeatedly, “Am I weak or am I strong?”<br />
<br />
I’ve come upon the intersect of Promise Street and Dread,<br />
Where the street light blinks relentlessly--“To Lead or To Be Led.”<br />
<br />
I know that all these differences somehow hold the key,<br />
To unlock all the sameness that resides in you and me.<br />
<br />
And in this space of boundless grace, we each for all abide.<br />
Lay silent in the deepest place where think and feel collide.<br />
<br />
This place is called “Acceptance” where love does never cease<br />
It is the sum of all above…that road to inner peace.<br />
<br />
And once alas we do arrive, we can then reconcile--<br />
The reasons why we so deprived ourselves in our exile.<br />
<br />
The lines once gauging difference there, here slowly disappear.<br />
And joy then comes to infiltrate that space closed off in fear.<br />
<br />
So now I stand upon this stage and wisdom can now reason<br />
There is a time for everything, and to everything its season. <br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Copyright © 2012 R.A. Keller. All Rights Reserved.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
Today, I hope that you will know freedom, peace, and grace;<br />
Until next time...we meet again,<br />
In our sacred gathering place.<br />
<br />
Please now take a moment to visit the URL posted below--.<br />
<a href="http://youtu.be/veYR3ZC9wMQ">http://youtu.be/veYR3ZC9wMQ</a><br />
<br />
...and that's a wrap!<br />
Raina</div>
RainaMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363225677870877894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1312072408757221151.post-24978455052895662772013-03-23T11:44:00.001-04:002013-03-23T12:43:42.353-04:00Ode to Longinus<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Good morning again. <br />
<br />
Well....since my last post, I have been busy doing research on literary agents--reading their profiles, going over interviews, and getting a feel for what they look for in a pitch letter...or in literary speak...query letter. Ah-ha...see ya learn things when you study!! I've also fallen upon a treatise (or in layman's terms) dissertation written by a literary critic who has been proposed to have lived in the first to third century AD entitled "On The Sublime" by a man <i>called</i> Longinus (though his real name was never known). I must say, that I am pretty sure that now is the time to be doing all of this...because as I was reading his critique of Homer, Demetrius, Aristotle <---now those are some literary GIANTS right there....and right up my alley--I saw myself in what he termed "the sublime" as an author. I have mentioned here that I won't post (or work on my book) if I have to get all "heady" about any point I'm attempting to make. Once I start reaching for a concept, words, or explanations, and I begin over-thinking....game over, because I know it's not coming from the right place. I mean sure, I could probably invent most anything in my lofty mind and vivid imagination, and allow those complexities to dictate, but there is something very unnatural feeling about that..it feels forced and full of pretense. <----A fiction writer, I am not. <br />
<br />
As I delved further into this concept of literary sublimity (as it relates to the author), I recalled my first year in college composition, whereby I was given a step-by-step reference outline by my professor which was intended to help the students learn how to compose a technically-correct essay. It was to be constructed something like this:<br />
I. Title, which should be the primary idea of the paper. <br />
II. Thesis statement, the purpose of the paper and the point you plan to prove.<br />
III. Concrete detail (facts) and commentary (your opinion) that help to prove the thesis--which usually takes up about 3-4 pointed paragraphs. <br />
IV. Conclusion...a reiteration of the thesis (though stated differently) to wrap it up. <br />
<br />
Looks pretty simple, right? I mean there's the formula....now GO!! Ummm....me, not so much. I FROZE. I became completely confused. I could NOT wrap my head around ANY of it. I had been writing for most of my life and now, in a class where I thought I could maybe polish my talent, learn some things of benefit in furthering this passion forward...and at onset, I felt completely lost. I remember thinking to myself "here I thought I was a writer and now I don't think I have the foggiest idea what the hell I have been doing...because it ISN'T this!!" I AGONIZED over this first paper I was to write, trying to use this formula to produce what was assigned. <b>Many</b> private consults with my professor would then ensue relentlessly explaining to her that I just didn't have any idea what she expected of me, or how to even wrap my head around this "USING a formula to write a paper." I clearly remember her getting more than a little irritated with my obvious and redundant ignorance and then... my inability to find the words to give reason to why I had such a problem with it. She ended those visits by stating "all I can say to you...is just do the best you can." So with deadline looming-- the night before with 5 pages of STILL unconceived essay due the next day, I had no choice but to push that "formula" aside and do it the way I had become accustomed. I conjured up an idea, put it to paper...5 pages...DONE, turned in, one stress alleviated.<br />
<br />
The day we received our essays back in class, she explained that not all of them had been graded, so if some of us didn't get ours back, this was the reason--no biggie. They were in a pile on her desk and we were to go through them and find ours and take it. I came back empty-handed....though as I gazed around the classroom, it seemed that I was the ONLY one who hadn't gotten mine back...and panic set in, I began to sweat, my heart began racing, and the initial agony that I had experienced trying to understand what she expected of me before I wrote the essay seemed like nothing compared to the sheer terror I was feeling now, as I couldn't help but think..."I bombed it...it's that simple, there could be no other explanation for this."...My heart then began to sink as I suffered with the realization that what I thought I had been doing all these years was not "writing"...it was just nothing. Worse than that...I had attached my entire being and purpose to this pen-to-paper, or fingers-to-keys...and now, I sit in this sinking feeling that I had completely disillusioned myself...and now add embarrassment, humiliation, and just wanting to run out of that classroom and never go back. I sat there the entire class steeping in my failure, red-faced, sweaty-palmed, and mind racing. The seat-time came and went without barely a notice from me. I just wanted out. I believe that I was not only the FIRST person to realize class was dismissed, but I think I actually prophesied the precise moment of its ending. I grabbed my books, and began heading for the door with the rest of my classmates behind me...when she raised her voice and spoke "Ms. (real name inserted here)!" I FROZE...my shoulders sank, any moisture in my mouth completely evaporated, and my knees felt suddenly unable to support the heaviness of my body. "Ms. ________, do you have a minute?" My eyes closed, my face turned upward toward the ceiling....the feeling of deflation surrender I felt was something I'd never felt before, nor since. I spun around slowly as all of my classmates passed around me to leave, and said "yes ma'am, I do." "Please come here and take a seat, I'd like to speak to you about your essay." As I approached the chair, (I can still bring to the surface that palpable feeling of complete defeat). She began to talk...I didn't know if I wanted to listen or if I even could at that point...here it comes...."You are one EXCELLENT writer, little girl--here is your paper. I wanted to give it to you personally because I knew how anxious you were about understanding the technical aspects of writing an essay, and I see that you figured it out." I wanted to just faint!! Wait a minute, did I just hear what I thought I heard....I was ELATED and COMPLETELY DUMBFOUNDED at the same time. I confessed..."I didn't use the outline, I threw it aside and just wrote the paper the way I would write it in order to just get it done." She then retrieved a copy of the technical outline, set it against my essay...and much to my surprise...ALL OF THOSE TECHNICAL ELEMENTS were contained within it. <----THIS is the epitome of "The Sublime" in which Longinus speaks in his "critique dissertation"--it is a KNOWING that cannot be taught...and it is what he deems to be a most prolific substance contained within certain writers which somehow mysteriously propels them to "write for antiquity." Below are some excerpts from "On the Sublime" that took me back to this college comp incident. <br />
<br />
<span style="line-height: 19px;">[The first question which presents itself for solution is whether there is any art which can teach sublimity or loftiness in writing. For some hold generally that there is mere delusion in attempting to reduce such subjects to technical rules. “The Sublime,” they tell us, “is born in a man, and not to be acquired by instruction; genius is the only master who can teach it. The vigorous products of nature” (such is their view) “are weakened and in every respect debased, when robbed of their flesh and blood by frigid technicalities.” </span><span class="chapnum" style="font-weight: bold; line-height: 19px; position: absolute; right: 92%; text-align: right;">2</span><span style="line-height: 19px;"></span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1312072408757221151" name="chapII_2" style="line-height: 19px;"></a><span style="line-height: 19px;">But I maintain that the truth can be shown to stand otherwise in this matter. Let us look at the case in this way; Nature in her loftier and more passionate moods, while detesting all appearance of restraint, is not </span><span class="pagenum" style="color: #666666; font-size: 15px; position: absolute; right: 5%; text-align: right;">4</span><span style="line-height: 19px;">wont to show herself utterly wayward and reckless; and though in all cases the vital informing principle is derived from her, yet to determine the right degree and the right moment, and to contribute the precision of practice and experience, is the peculiar province of scientific method.</span><br />
<span style="line-height: 19px;"><br /></span>
<span style="line-height: 19px;">Then, again (and this is the most important point of all), a writer can only learn from art when he is to abandon himself to the direction of his genius.]</span><br />
<span style="line-height: 19px;"><br /></span>
<span style="line-height: 19px;">There are many more points made in this dissertation that make me feel supported and understood in what I have always perceived to be "writing." They illuminated some of the mystery for me as well as lit that fire under my butt to stop being my own worst critic, to stop worrying so much about "polish,"and to love and embrace my innate proclivity toward "lofty thought"-- and with reckless abandon, allow it to take me where it will, ignite my intellect which waits to be beckoned and trust that these two elements of my gift will not lead me down an ungrounded path but intrinsically work with one another to rather potentiate the work to it's own perfection...not my image of it. Moreover, it is so fitting and so true to form that I would receive such wisdom from a since extinguished physical presence, but a voice everlasting through literature. </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 19px;"><br /></span>
<span style="line-height: 19px;">MY REVELATION: What this ancient literary inscription provided to me was the reason why this technical formula so confounded me when it was to "come before." It was asking me to UNLEARN everything I already knew, but had NEVER BEEN TAUGHT and then reteach it to me backwards!! The only time "headiness" comes into the picture for me is during revision. During my intent to write, my first consideration is destination. However, while engaged in the process, it seems effortless as the concept of "destination" becomes a rather loose and non-fixated component, as I (unbeknownst to myself) grant the direction freedom to unfold to eventually find me there. "Thinking" it into existence doesn't work for me. When I'm finished, I then take time to look over my transitions, use of language, and scan for polished streamline final product--and usually with only a few "tweaks" in arrangement and delivery, much to my surprise-- it is already in there. What I find is that it flows, ties together, and that "knot" it creates is the end to the beginning. So Longinus (or whatever your real name is)...From the inside, outside, top and bottom of my heart...I thank you. I would have joyfully chucked any promise made to me by any modern-day educational institution guaranteeing my success in the world of writing literature to have been born in a time where I could be in the same room with you, listening to you speak these words now set to paper while experiencing the presence and exuberant passion behind them. Thank God for books and those treasures buried deep inside of them that stand the test of time!!</span><br />
<span style="line-height: 19px;"><br /></span>
<span style="line-height: 19px;">So on I trudge into a most epic adventure in the literary world. The only baggage I pack for my journey is a lighter sense of dignity and belief in my voice. I've done away with all of the heavy, hard to carry stuff, such as the mental downplay of my abilities and attitude of self-defeat. As I believe that we, ourselves, bring about the manifestation of our most pure and contributory intentions---my book <b>will</b> be on shelves within the next two years. I hope you will extend the irreplaceable gift of your readership to it, and that you will receive it back ten-thousand times. </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 19px;"><br /></span>
<span style="line-height: 19px;">As Always...my best to you.</span></div>
RainaMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363225677870877894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1312072408757221151.post-78362472242648000242013-03-15T10:20:00.000-04:002013-03-15T10:24:07.877-04:00The Compelling Characteristic of Disenchantment<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
"Disenchantment, whether it is a minor disappointment or a major shock, is the signal that things are moving into transition in our lives."~ William Throsby Bridges. <br />
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Hello readers!!<br />
<br />
I opened my post this morning with the above quote, as it was shared with me a few days ago (in a shorter version)...but more wordy or less...the same idea. It got me thinking (as if EVERYTHING doesn't do that..lol). <br />
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In some of my past posts, I have briefly eluded to a book I've been working on...and how pain-staking it has been for me. I noted that it seems that I grow beyond my words and that what was spoken yesterday, in some manner or another seem irrelevant today. However, as one person who knows the struggle it has been for me to match content with context read it, he said "You always have to keep in mind (my given name inserted here)...that your "yesterday" could very well be someone else's today or tomorrow. You are a very high-minded individual, yet, you have a great capacity for very grounded dialect. This appeals to people. Everyone,whether they recognize it or not, is striving to grow and improve. The words you write come from a life you've lived, which automatically lends you credibility, which any successful author will tell you and any publishing house will back up is THE key. Right off the bat, your personality, what is important to you, and why it is important to you shines through...don't be so hard on yourself...take a chance...you may be more than pleasantly surprised." <br />
<br />
And so this life-long gentle nudging has built up to a prodding, bugging, every-day "work on the book." "What are you doing with the book?" "Wouldn't you feel completely crushed if this was your only chance to live your dream, and you missed it because you were too damn busy disbelieving in yourself and talking yourself out of it?" "Remember how you LIVE your life...in a manner that when you die, you have no regrets?" "Who cares if others don't believe in you or your abilities." "What would happen if you did, didn't---if you failed or succeeded?" <----ALL of THIS has become a RAGING war inside, coupled with the disenchantment I experience with the daily realities of my life. This is NOT the life I had even remotely envisioned myself living. I envisioned my life revolving around my purpose FOR it--not the drudgery of being a minion for anyone else's. I am now receiving "hints" from the universe (laugh if you feel the need)---which are all too VERY familiar. Those little "uncomfortable thingies" that tell me.."time to leave this" or "initiate that" or "take charge now, or suffer the fallout of someone else doing it FOR you...because whether you resist OR comply...it is going to happen...you are only prolonging the inevitable."--AND "how many times must you be tested and always rebel due to weakness and lack of trust in yourself and your abilities only to suffer the consequence of learning the hard way?" "It is much easier to fall upon a cushion than it is the concrete." "Don't wait until you have to FIRST put the pieces back together once again before you can move forward...there is an open road in front of you...stop waiting for the crash...and just DRIVE!!!" "Throw away this masochistic streak-once and for all--you have already proven your brute strength---NOW USE IT!!!!!" Now tell me...how many of you have something like this going on? No, I mean really? Probably every one of us has this to some extent, don't we? <br />
<br />
SO....I contacted my nephew (whom I have spoken to before about helping out a little bit with this book thing..lol). Because I am a patient person...and it has been a work in progress for SO very long already, I noted to him that I really have no time line...as I know nothing ever happens until its time anyway. This young man is so very bright and has worked as an editor...knows some ins and outs of the business...and is willing (God LOVE him) to coach me along somewhat, but advised that I procure a literary agent. WOW!! Like I said to him "that all sounds so involved and professional." I had done some research in self-publishing..ebook in Kindle format with Amazon and threw that idea out to him...but I don't think he shared my enthusiasm...as the literary agent suggestion was his response to that query. <br />
<br />
So now...I am on the search for this literary agent...though, I am making this all background noise for now--until he mulls over my ramblings and gives me his professional opinion of what I am actually accomplishing here versus what I am trying to accomplish--and how "far out" or "cohesive" my style is to the points I am trying to make. I am not that haughty to believe on my own that I have a product that is worth picking up. I will rely on the professionals to lend me critique...and go from there. <br />
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So I guess my message is....heed that voice of nuance...the one that whispers beneath the louder opinion of yourself, your limited view of yourself...and take these moments of disenchantment you experience and allow them to instruct you. Envision what success---NOT THE ROAD TO IT...will feel like, smell like, taste like...how it will change your life, how you feel about yourself, and what you will do with these changes and what these changes will do FOR you. Make it REAL...and then check the response your body has to this belief. Does it feel less tense, less anxious, less bothered. Is the dread replaced by excitement...and the doubt replaced by fearlessness? Is there a voice that now says "If I could do THAT...then I can do just about anything?" This is the vision I have of an "exorcism"....where the "spirit of the Lord COMPELS you." We all have a choice...we could allow disenchantment beat us down further...or we could utilize it to compel us to climb. <br />
<br />
Anyone have any suggestions for some good climbin' shoes? <br />
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My best to you always.<br />
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RainaMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363225677870877894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1312072408757221151.post-9156947683866192362013-03-09T09:17:00.001-05:002013-03-09T09:17:36.908-05:00"This Is To Be My Symphony"<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Good Morning everyone!!!<br />
<br />
Wow...I am ending a 5-day procrastination bent today as I am greeted this morning with the most beautiful sunny morning!! Downfall of living in the Northeastern part of the states...seasonal depression!! No matter how damn happy you seem to be going into winter, (as fall is my favorite season) you ALWAYS end up feeling somewhat detained if not completely imprisoned toward the end of it. About this time of year though, we Nor-easterners feel obligated to help spring along a bit by doing things that probably should be done in May...lol...but we get that damn itch!! We've been locked up inside & forced to readjust our lives to fit within a 9-10-hour block of daylight each day...it is futile!! Nature always wins--Ha!<br />
<br />
As you could probably assume...and maybe you don't really care all that much--if at all..I read A LOT during the winter season. I gather information like animals gather food to get through it. If the body is sedentary, the mind needs fuel!<br />
<br />
I sent the forward to my book to a friend the other day, as she had posted on FB a status that got quite a bit of interest and created the thread of my dreams!! <---well, maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration. Thought I will say, it was quite refreshing to see someone else post their thoughts about "life" and to see that she suffered the same frustration when it came to expressing them to others without it leading to some sort of issue of debate. My biggest frustration is that the spoken/written language, as advanced and versatile as it is seems to be is really SO very limited (and limit-ING) when attempting to explain things of deeper meaning. Those pesky language-elusive truths and anomalies of character--which I now to believe are meant to be "only for display." Words just don't come close to paying homage to anything meaningful and try and try as we might to assign them, we always fall short. <br />
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It is my belief that in this world of "hurry up and wait" and "keeping up with the Jones'" and all of these new and shining gadgets of imperial technology, we have completely lost the most important part of our communication skills.....READING them. It isn't about the description...it is about the display. Technology has made "language" the foundation of all that is. Every computer has a "language"...and every one of these devices has a "code" and more often than not...they require the use of letters, words, & numbers to effectively use them. Where does this leave the "unspoken language?" I'm waiting for the first wedding to use cell-phone texting as a manner to recite vows to one another...go ahead and laugh...but it IS coming to this. <br />
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As I STRUGGLE to explain who I am, why I am the way I am, and why it is SO important to be to stay true to this essence I know so well....I stumble upon this excerpted writing.....though even in its strikingly true to ME "description", there is still a broader enigmatic force inside of me that begs to be recognized. However, when <b>I</b> read this....I recognized right away a subtle bridged gap between the written word and how I <i>know</i> myself to view things and how my life is patterned around this view...it isn't complete by any means, but it at least gives me hope that one day, I will too be able to at least get closer to easing my frustration. Please read on: <br />
<br />
To live content with small means;<br />
to seek elegance rather than luxury,<br />
and refinement rather than fashion;<br />
to be worthy, not respectable...and wealthy, not rich;<br />
to study hard, think quietly, talk gently, act frankly;<br />
to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages with open heart;<br />
to bear all cheerfully,<br />
do all bravely,<br />
await occasions,<br />
hurry never;<br />
in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden, and unconscious<br />
grow up through the common.<br />
This is to be my symphony~ William Ellery/Henry Channing.<br />
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I can read this and find this expression in any number of my posts on here, in the book I am writing, my thoughts, my actions, and the words I speak. At the end...."<b><i>In a word</i></b>, to let the spiritual, unbidden, and unconscious <b><i>grow up through</i></b> the common" THIS is what we need...this is what we have lost...this is why there is so much misunderstanding. Common is just common...and EVERYONE is falling all over themselves to achieve it...very few seek to be above or set themselves apart from commonality, therefore, it is barely, if at all <i>recognized</i> in themselves or others. <br />
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At times, I feel encased by perpetual winter...being closed in and limited, only having a few precious hours of daylight....though most of those gloomy, cold, and wet--having to take extra care to travel safely, cover up adequately to protect myself from the elements and limiting myself to the outside to avoid the discomforting chill. However...I also realize that there is nothing out there that can compare to that which I've come to know and live by. I wouldn't change a thing about myself, even if it meant never again being lonely, bored, or having to struggle. I prize that display of language which I've enabled myself learn within myself and read in others. I believe that my education in this life has been a treasure and there is something deep down inside that reminds me often of this--despite circumstance. <br />
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I think this is why the sunshine, sounds of nature, signs of life, palette of various colors, and warmer temperatures lift my spirit so much. The outside becomes cohesive with the inside. The bond I've forged with nature is the ultimate bond. It moves beyond attachment, has no need for words in exchange, and is complete in itself. It is the epitome of refinement, elegance, and meaning. <br />
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Much love to all!!<br />
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Heralding the arrival of spring!!<br />
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RainaMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363225677870877894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1312072408757221151.post-60236308805390076772013-03-04T10:17:00.000-05:002013-03-04T10:20:29.652-05:00Development of the Ultimate Peace Treaty<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Good morning everyone. <br />
<br />
Well, we are in the first week of March and everyone around our area is more than ready for spring. It has been a case of textbook winter around here for sure. Last year, I remember strolling out onto my porch throughout the winter season, enjoying 50-60 degree days, taking snapshots of the flowers that continued to bloom in my garden..no such luck this year!! I think we have more than made up for the low water table that last year's winter created this year, and as I look out my window...it's still coming down!! I've found it best to just accept every day for what it offers you and make the best of it. Yeah...I daydream of waking to birds singing, curtains billowing with a soft, fragrant breeze, the warmth of the sun on my skin as I begin preparing my flower beds and pots for planting and cleaning up the yard for mowing season...the smell of fresh-cut grass, and the ground-rumbling scraping sound of the snowplows tearing through the neighborhood to be replaced with the buzzing of weed-trimmers and lawn equipment just like everyone else, but I no longer spend the valuable time I have each day searching for that greener grass...instead, I go about my days knowing that it is what it is and spring WILL come...it always does.<br />
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<b>Anything worth having is worth working for and through:</b><br />
A. I purchased a wood stove insert for my fireplace to turn an inefficient source of heat into an efficient one. On one hand...it is one of the best investments I've made, BUT it isn't without a lot of hard, heavy work, mess, and going out into freezing temperatures several times a day to bring the heat indoors. However, this first burning season, my wood was completely free and I saved 1/2 of what I would have spent on propane to get through the winter--excellent way to kick off the first season using it..however, from here on out...it will have to be purchased...though STILL at a savings of what I would spend to heat the entire house with propane. So, nothing is entirely free...you see, though I have already paid for this unit with the money saved in heating costs the first year using it!! Was I sure of any of this when I made the decision to dole out the remainder of any savings I had to my name last fall? No. Purely a leap of faith....that manifested to answered prayer & a satisfied hope. <br />
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B. This time last year, I was in fear of losing my home. As I looked to the future, desperately searching for employment for 3 months, I saw no positive outcome--though one did arrive, no matter how much I tried to convince myself..it wasn't gonna happen and I sit here in the sanctity and solace of what I term "my sacred space" typing away in my blog, more than a year later with quite a different attitude. I now can look back and say "it has NOT been easy...BUT, I've managed to care for, pay for, and maintain this place on my own for the past 2 years. Many dollars, countless hours, much labor-intensive time...but she still stands...stronger than ever with one set of hands, one mind, and a heart completely enamored by her beauty and value. It is a relationship I have going with this place...it isn't about real-estate value, or the love of the material...it is a series of give and take. To me, everything I put into my home, she gives back. For all of the active time spent cleaning, raking, mowing, and puttering around, and money spent, there is the quiet time spent smiling in my heart as I look at how she shines when she is pampered up a bit. The saying "you get what you give" applies to inanimate objects as well...it is all about perspective. When you throw ALL of yourself into something....anything...it becomes an inseparable part of you--yet another mirror...another manner for which to present yourself and for others to truly know you. Having a "nice house" is not my thing..having a warm and welcoming home is. <br />
<br />
C. My tenants of 4 years in my attached 2-bedroom rental unit moved out last month. My immediate response to the news that they were leaving---PANIC...and I'm talking like a switch--it was that fast. My mind immediately went to how long it took each time it became vacant to get it occupied once again...at least a couple of months...it was winter...I am only working part-time and am dependent upon that income (even though half of it goes right back into the place during the winter months)...but still. I wasted no time advertising it..on every venue I could possibly think of..other than the area newspaper--you get too many weed-outs that way, and I didn't have the time for that!! The response was tremendous...my panic dissolved. A young girl that I work with had been looking for a place...and I had mentioned a two-unit, completely remodeled inside and out place down the street from me...both beautiful places...a couple of months earlier. She had gone to look at them and decided that she didn't want to drive all that way as her little boy was enrolled in school in the adjoining town where she also worked. When my place came available, I didn't even think about mentioning it to her...because after all, it is even further away from town than the places she looked at... albeit, only a few houses--but that was her reason...so I figured she was out of the question. She saw my advertisement and contacted me...came up and looked at it (while my tenants were still there) and immediately snapped it up. Crisis #1 averted. Onto crisis 2, 3, 4...etc... The tenants left the place a deplorable mess and the odor was just unbearable. They left one of the doors wide open to the winter cold and used 10% of the propane that I PROVIDE in less than 8 hours (which is usually a weeks-worth). She and I spent every free minute we had...along with my daughter over there cleaning, painting, repairing...and more than two weeks later...it is STILL a work in progress. The damages were beyond normal wear and tear and I kept their security deposit...which doesn't even cover the cost of the repairs that need to be made, the time we spent intensely cleaning...to get it ready for even occupiable readiness. There was the discovery when the priors turned off the electric that #1. They had run up quite a hefty bill with the electric company that made it a major pain in the ass for my new tenant to get it turned on in her name, as she had to send all kinds of proof that she wasn't turning it back on for THEM and #2. That the boiler system and lights in the basement were wired into the rental's breaker box...oh joy!! Another expense!! Then...there was a water leak--and not a little one-- from the spigots of the washer hook-up AND the main shut offs to those were so corroded, they wouldn't turn either way...so both shut-offs had to be replaced as well as the spigots with new ones with a shut off there. Then, as my tenant spent her first night there...she turned the light on in the bedroom and heard a loud "pop"...and she had no electricity in the bedroom or bathroom...the culprit...a completely damaged and broken outlet that just fell out when the cover was screwed off of it...and another headache. <br />
<br />
Bear with me...I have a very good reason for rambling on about my recent trials and tribulations people---and here it is: THROUGHOUT this entire time, I have depleted my money to the point of not having enough to make my March house payment...let alone the other half of my bills...I've doled out money as if I have an endless reservoir, AND have plans to spend more of this nonexistent resource...as if I do. I have never felt so at peace and so unruffled by negative circumstance in my life. The last time I felt the least bit stressed was when I got the news that my tenants were moving out--and that only lasted for about 10 minutes..no lie. The enormous response of interest quickly laid that to rest...but it was my new tenant, who ended up contacting ME when I wasn't even going to consider telling her that was really instrumental in completely changing (for good) my perspective on those bothersome little circumstances that would like to completely negate my best intentions and positive outlook. It was at that very point that I relied on what makes me who I am...my manner of reflective thinking. This caused me to say to myself: "I don't know why I EVER stress or panic about anything...because throughout my ENTIRE LIFE...any fear I ever had was short-lived and replaced by an even better scenario than I could imagine anyways." It made me really think and therefore solidify in my everyday life that this thing called "worry" was a step in any process that could be TOTALLY eliminated, because it was a waste of time and energy. It took all of one day to retrain my mind...and I really had nothing to do with it as far as an active process went. It just happened...<br />
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Throughout all of the mountains that appeared out of nowhere...resources spent that I didn't have...I have NEVER in my life felt so much at peace and so very contented. I don't think I could be any happier, more self-assured, or more hopeful for what each day brings, until of course, today turns into tomorrow. <br />
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I have finally found my peace...my truest, most pure peace...and I've realized that it was built upon the strongest of faith, my propensity to dig to the lesson each trial has been put in place to teach me, and to accept the growth and wisdom it offered so that I could come to that day where I finally "recognized" the pattern it drew for me. At 48...some may say I was a stubborn student...and I even laugh at myself for that reason, but for everything under Heaven, there is a time. I have no regret...I have nothing of myself to forgive, and I just sit back and enjoy the universe's sense of ironic humor (it is ALWAYS ironic) and wake each day feeling grateful that I have another day to squeeze the most life out of. <br />
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What matters to you? Look at the thing that takes the most from you...consumes most of your drive...sometimes to the point of exasperation...but always gives you a return. You'll have your answer. Your energy and the attitude that encompasses it and the intention that gives birth to it is most instrumental in the manifestation of outcome. I no longer best-case/worst-case anything, as I've FINALLY learned, it takes care of itself. What I DO focus on is my attitude..if I live like I already have it...in other words..my intention is TO have it...my actions are in line with getting it, maintaining it, counting on it...then it already IS at its conception--circumstance is OUTER, weaker, and more inconsistent. Will is inner, stronger, and unyielding to circumstance. Whatever will be...will be and I don't know 'bout ya'll...but I would rather set myself up for success. In this life...money and time are of no consequence to success...intention and attitude are where its at! Money will come and go and time will pass anyway...<br />
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"Therefore, I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask..believe you have received them and they will be granted you." Mark 11:24<br />
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"The preparations of the heart in man (intention) and the answer (outcome) of the tongue is from the Lord. All the ways of a man are clean in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirit (the intent/the truth). Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established. <---this one right here is a complete explanation of all that I have written. Let go of worry and look back at all of the times you worried needlessly in the past to end up at an outcome that was favorable...and your thoughts from that point will be directed AWAY from worry...seemingly all by themselves. Let the universe take care of the circumstance...you hold steadfast to the initial intention...if it be pure and conceived in a spirit of contribution..blessings will abound. <br />
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I wish for everyone a great day and an appreciation for every minute of it. <br />
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RainaMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363225677870877894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1312072408757221151.post-16481153194444106302013-01-24T12:52:00.001-05:002013-01-24T13:00:18.138-05:00Because I Can..<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Hi everyone!! <br />
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It has been quite the cold snap for our region the last few days...but at least the sun is shining, so it keeps the spirits up while your hunkered down in to avoid frostbite!!<br />
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I wanted to jump on here for a little bit today because last night at work, I had a conversation with a young man during a smoke break that really brought to light a sort of self-defeating attitude or excuse to not try, not execute your best YOU. It really got me thinking about how prevalent this attitude is in our society. <br />
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Are we that HINGED to outer validation that we would place ourselves in a position of expecting the very least of ourselves as okay? And WHY would we take the "initiative of others" into ANY account whatsoever as a measure of our own? I just don't GET that. What he said to me was something I have heard this SO MANY TIMES from SO MANY PEOPLE before and it is SUCH a common complaint...but for some reason, THIS TIME, it spurred me into "wisdom mode"<br />
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His statement: "Yeah, I don't even care anymore. Why should I bust my ass when I see everyone else slacking...we get paid the same---you remember when I first started here how I used to MOVE and work my ass off...but I notice everyone else just standing around, so why should I pull their weight?"<br />
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My response: Because YOU were hired to do a job. Because YOU are more concerned with the preservation of YOUR dignity than someone else is of theirs? Because what everyone else does or doesn't do has nothing to do with YOUR work ethic? Or maybe because you EXPECT MORE OF YOURSELF than the half-assed job you perceive everyone else to be doing. Or perhaps, your character is yours to build, uphold, and prize. <br />
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Why do so many use other people's shortcomings to justify their own...because there is power in numbers and it gives YOU a better excuse? When I started there, my mindset was totally opposite of this. I observed others...only as a compass to learn the pace and build a system of my own that would help me to become MORE efficient. I have no desire to compare myself to anyone else OR compete with them. I go into my job with a "I'm gonna kill this shift" attitude....and it is NOT to gain any kind of recognition, but simply so I can sleep at night. lol. <br />
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WHY would anyone LIMIT their capabilities just to fit into a norm? I don't want to fit in...especially if it means DUMBING myself down. I would rather stand out...however, that isn't even my reason. <br />
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I believe that everyone is destined for greatness...however, I think we need to step out of our own way sometimes in order to achieve it. Speaking for myself, I get frustrated when I feel I am in a position where I CANNOT execute all that I am capable of. It has nothing to do with recognition or accolades from onlookers. It has to do with some code that seems to be hard-wired into me, I guess. <br />
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Someday, just LISTEN. Its no wonder the ratio of success is in such disproportion to the innumerable possibilities. The "MAN' ain't holding us down...we're holding ourselves down with all of this "I'm not doing any more than anyone else is doing...why should I? How about because YOU CAN. I'm beginning to see this "because I can" thing more as a defeatist proposition to get OUT of doing....than the push for success it should be used for.<br />
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To be honest, I think my response hit a chord with this young man. He stood speechless for a moment (most-likely because he was stunned that he wasn't going to lead me into this mentality along with him and agree)..but then...his face brightened up a bit and he said "ya know what, you're right...I guess I never really looked at it that way before." <br />
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Although it made me happy that I could lend this young man a more positive perspective, it also made me sad that "he never thought about it that way before." We really need to instill in our children their value. If they value themselves, they view everything they do, say, and the way they behave as an outer display OF that value and when it is strong, it doesn't waver in the midst of conflicting influence. The most important thing you can do in this life is be and stay true to yourself--DESPITE what everyone around you is doing.<br />
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End of story.<br />
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Good day!! <br />
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RainaMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363225677870877894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1312072408757221151.post-59544203623078763752013-01-21T11:40:00.001-05:002013-01-21T11:53:42.384-05:00"God Shed His Grace On Thee....."<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: lucida grande, tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 17px;"><b>MARTIN LUTHER KING JR</b>. January 15, 1929 -- April 4, 1968</span></span><br />
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HIS dream was weaved by the thread of God and the hearts of all humanity to create a garment of tolerance, acceptance, love, and teamwork. His goal...to replace dogmatic control with an altruistic freedom. He was not here for himself...but for all. His life....eerily similar...if not identical to that of a warrior for truth...a savior. This man EXEMPLIFIED his message without any fear of what men could do to him. To Martin Luther King Jr: Your heart's longing stands boldly resurrected in the hearts of many. Speaking for myself, I cannot even begin to express the gratitude, immense respect, and admiration I have for you. It remains one of those deeply-held passions that language (with its limited capabilities) cannot even begin to touch. Not just today...but everyday, I carry with me a sadness of a brilliant life cut short by the very thing you stood against and the knowledge that I will never have the chance to look you in the eye and shake your hand. God Bless and Keep you.<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span>
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Above is my memorial to a man, who in my opinion was a 20th century Immanuel (Emmanuel). His walk on this earth was brisk, his punishment for his belief...harsh, his message... unacceptable to many, his life...taken...his legacy... alive and well. <br />
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This day not only brings about reflection upon a man and his mission on this earth, but the message. As I sit here in 2013 as a white, female, youngest daughter of a middle-class family, single mother-of-3, lower middle-class working American...I think about what that really means anymore. When I think of the injustice that "we the people" have and continue to suffer in order to "form a more perfect union"...I cannot help to be a bit ashamed of all of this labeling. It seems like a constant struggle to attain what should be the very basic needs of healthy people. <br />
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I abhor labeling of any sort. We are ALL put here for a purpose, and deep down, we all know (or realize at some point) what that purpose is. What holds us back? Could it be the mentality of separatism that division creates and the fear of what lies across those lines drawn by MEN that TELL you where your place is? There are lines EVERYWHERE. They claim these lines, categories, and labels assist in keeping some semblance of control--but how much is enough and how much is just tyrannical? <br />
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I am stepping out right now and claiming MY LIFE. No country, no person, no genetic lineage, no living or nonliving entity of any sort commands who my friends or foes are, who my family is and isn't AND if it stretches beyond the BOUNDARY drawn up to SEPARATE planet from planet, continent from continent, country from country..and so on...then so be it. I have no RACE category beneath HUMAN. I have no allegiance category beneath the UNIVERSE, and I have no loyalty category beneath EVERY LIVING THING...and I am no menace to society, I am no criminal, I am not a threat to ANYONE. Any power outside of me has no NEED to "control" me...my conscience does that--and right now, my conscience will not allow the shame of lending itself to these invisible, man-made lines. I am grateful to be ALIVE..not white, of German, Polish, and Native American descent, female, American. "God shed His grace on thee...and crown thy good...with BROTHERHOOD...from sea to shining sea." Love those words.....but the value of their message to me, I view to be personal on a universal level...not a "within the boundary" level. To even think that America is the only country which receives the grace of God is pretty telling of a "limited mentality" <br />
of entitlement.<br />
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If I operate on the premise of "do unto others as you would have them do unto you"--there is no need to sequester me into the folds of divisiveness. If I am INCAPABLE of deliberately harming anyone or anything and I respect the belief, opinion, lifestyle, tradition, and choices of others with no attempt to control that...but the willingness to accept and understand, the result is peace. <br />
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I refuse to limit my rights or be defined by anything beneath these values. You get back what you give. I am no more a representative of a "region" than that "region" is representative of me. We, as the ultimate creation that we are, need to take a long step back here and really take a good look at our OWN discomforts with the society in which we live...the starvation, the lack of employment, the STEALING of monies "the people" have invested in throughout their entire lives of contribution to an economy for "safe-keeping" until they are no longer ABLE to work...and then having it termed "ENTITLEMENT BENEFITS" Look at all the INNOCENT lives lost during and from the fallout of war, abuse of power, greed over natural resources....ALL DUE TO BOUNDARY. If it is okay for certain people to CROSS THE BOUNDARY that is outlined for "the people" to do harm, I see no reason why those same boundaries cannot be crossed to live in harmony and create peace. We, (as a society) are BULLIES, POWER MONGERS, MONEY HUNGRY, and NARCISSISTIC and we are getting back (as a society) what we give (as a society). So the next time you feel the need to BITCH about government policy...remember, YOU are a representative of all you abhor about it..as much as you are BEING represented BY it. Just take yourself out of the game...stop consuming, stop giving them your power. You can't control anyone or anything else but yourself. <br />
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I didn't even vote this year. I don't think I ever will again. Let them do whatever they want...as I am IN this world..not OF of it. To me, it is an endless game of cat-n-mouse. Like it or not, we have to live by the rules laid out by the governing bodies...so what does it matter who sits in congress, the house, or in the presidency? They can control all of the superficials with laws and rules and money...but my conscience and my passion ultimately control my behavior, my belief, and my LIFE. It's that simple. <br />
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In closing...I believe 2013 to be a year of self-realization and the realization of the potential for greatness. I believe it to be a year unlike any other in the degree of people's ability to read between the lines, seeing what it truly means to be alive and well, and stopping the resistance. The more you push, the more the opposition pushes back...law of nature. It would do the spirit of each person a great service to see themselves first AS the bigger picture...instead of wasting their attempts to finagle a place within it. We are shadow boxing the air. Once this attitude spreads and gains momentum (which I believe it to already be)...we can live as it was intended.<br />
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God Bless ALL of my brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers, teachers and healers, believers and doers, wherever you are on this earth or even light-years away...we share one heart, one soul, and are one family tied together in the spirit of love. I distance myself from all acts of hatred, indifference, intolerance, greed, pride, prejudice, the love of power and control, and the boundaries of which they originate. <span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: lucida grande, tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 17px;"><br /></span></span></span>
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Dr. Martin Luther King Jr...a day of remembrance is NOT enough. Lives LIVED in the legacy of love and the courage to overstep those "boundaries" is a true testament to the ultimate sacrifice you made. I love you man, rest in peace.<br />
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To add a bit of humor and lighten the mood a bit...my rendition of an old tune..."Lines, lines everywhere a line...blocking up the scenery, breaking my mind...do this, don't do that...can't you see the line." <br />
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Good day :)<br />
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RainaMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363225677870877894noreply@blogger.com0