Someday at Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone!!

I carry a heavy heart this year...all of the violence, all of the greed, all of the disregard for human dignity, all of the ways the we've been brainwashed to identify ourselves (by race, by social status, by North, South, East, West, by nationality, by a section of our community...by the country we live in...we are so concerned about WE as AMERICANS or other prospective country.  What about we as PEOPLE with the same heart, the same soul, the same spirit...what about LOVE...the real tie that BINDS us together.

This year, I found myself to be envious of mommies of young children.  Young children who BELIEVE before we tarnish that belief with social stigma and condition.  These beautiful breaths of God who come from the womb of a mother to a world of complete wonder with such innocent curiosity.  Children, whom we witness experience EVERYTHING for the first time and whose pure excitement of it rubs off on all of those who share that experience with them.  

It is no mistake that "Unto us this day, a CHILD is born, and he shall be called Emmanuel."  Why do you think our salvation lay in the heart and soul of this child?  Because that is where it is found in its most pure form.  It is how we ALL come into this world...it is how we ALL forget where we came from...it is why I write this post today with the plea that WE stop categorizing, labeling, fighting, judging, and lending the spirit of hatred, judgement, indifference, and the attitude of superiority our power.  It is not expensive to LOVE.  It is not time consuming and it is NOT hard.  We ARE love...we ARE acceptance, we ARE compassion, we ARE tolerance, we ARE understanding, we ARE at our very core essence the LOVE OF GOD...

My message to you this day would be this:  Children are gifts of God.  If we pay attention, they teach us to view life, people, and moments through a different lens.  They teach us how to live each day to the fullest without worry...without delay.  They teach us how to TREAT other people.  You will learn this the first time your "baby" comes to you with a broken heart because someone's self-interests took precedence over regard for their feelings and their right to be treated with the same respect that he/she treats others.  Unto us EVERY day...a child is born...and within that child is OUR SALVATION.

"The witness has forced himself to testify.  For the youth of today, for the children who will be born tomorrow.  He does not want his past to become their future."~Elie Wiesel, Nobel Peace Prize recipient and author of Night.

God Bless and keep one and all...we belong to one other, PLEASE..let's begin to understand this.

Much love and Merry Christmas
Raina

REALLY?

Well...it's been a while.  SO much going on...SO much thinking...SO much reflecting.  I guess the end of the year brings such things.  I have big plans for next year but unfortunately, I cannot even spring into action until then.

I took a 3-day hiatus from all electronic means of communication to pay my respects to those beautiful and important lives lost in the Newtown massacre.  When I got back on, I could not BELIEVE what I was reading on FB and Twitter about "gun laws" and the headlines that read "KKK Counterprotests Westboro Church Picketing School Shooting Scene" with pictures of CHILDREN holding signs that read "Pray for more dead soldiers"  "God Hates Fags" and all manner of CRAP like that.  I couldn't help but think how hatred is now turning on its own...and I had to ALMOST chuckle a bit.  However, it also makes me sad to think that our FREEDOM allows GARBAGE like this to push its agenda to the point of moral desecration because EVERYONE has a right to their opinion.  If you want my opinion, I think they should outlaw the internet, video games, and cell phones..and pretty much all of those NICE little gadgets that make everyone SO inhuman.  I could live without them...oh wait...I ALREADY HAVE.  I guess that ANYTHING these days could be used for evil though...when its founds its way into the wrong hands...I mean, one person could open a can of veggies for dinner and look at the empty can and lid as recyclable or garbage, and another person could choose to use the lid as a weapon to slice someone's throat with. What the hell are people thinking these days...and what the hell makes them think this way.  ANYTHING within your vision field could be used to do harm to someone, I suppose...which is why the "gun law" thing doesn't make any sense...people are beaten with blunt objects, bats, hammers, etc...the list goes on and on...many lives are lost each year in car accidents...it isn't so much the WEAPON...it is the MIND and HANDS it falls into.

Never before in my life have I seen such a population of unconscionable people exhibiting such unscrupulous behavior.  It is almost scary to think that ANY ONE of us has the propensity to do these kind of things.  We all have the power, we all have a bent toward anger, revenge, resentment, and entitlement.  We all get depressed, feel hopeless at times...and neither punishment or the threat of punishment, the loss of  freedom, or possibly your life to rectify taking the lives of others seems to deter this unbridled passion of some to harm others, disrespect others' rights, walk on their integrity, or rob them of their innocence...

If this isn't PROOF that there is a part of ourselves that is separate  from and higher than the human nature, I don't know what is.   Some think of killing, raping, lying, manipulating, and stealing the same way another looks at that hot fudge sundae they've been craving for days.  One makes themselves that sundae to satiate that craving and one beats the shit out of his wife to satiate his...or takes that hit of crack...or sits hours on end shooting people on a video game...OR...desecrates the memory of a fallen soldier, uses GOD as a means to spread hatred, or the color of one's skin to justify physical harm, or walks into a grade school with a gun with every intention of using it to destroy.

There is EVIL spirit in this world...like it or not, believe it or not..it exists.  It is scriptural, it is more evident now than ever and it is the higher part of one's psyche controlling what he/she thinks, says, and does.  Just like there is good spirit in this world controlling what another things, does, and says.  Greed, control, pride, and COWARDESS are the traits of evil...and even if the DISPLAY is that of GOOD, honest, integral, and thoughtful...it cannot be concealed forever...which is also scriptural.  Lest we forget the "disguise" of the wicked---very cunning, very convincing, very enticing and each one has its MARK...and usually...it is NEVER anyone it's own size.  It is always someone weaker, someone kinder, someone more trusting.  Key words here are "IT" and "ONE."

And it will always leave behind an IMMENSE amount of confusion..where we are all shaking our heads, crying, mourning, lashing out at an object of blame--which is so far removed from the issue.  It isn't guns, it isn't the wrong president, it isn't the haves and have-nots.  It is a society willingly rendering itself to being puppeteered  by the powers that be because they believe that these powers make their lives EASIER, more efficient, more exciting, more advanced, more of everything better.  It is a society who has lost the willingness to stand and walk on their own two feet because it is easier for someTHING else to pull their strings, control their minds, their actions, their lives.  It is a place where children are being taught gadgetry over the development of character.  There is no real communication going on anymore unless there is a button to push and a light that goes on and off.  And we all consume, we all buy, we put a cell phone, gaming system, internet usage into the hands of our children before they are taught how to PROPERLY communicate and interact with OTHER PEOPLE.  We encourage a LOVE AFFAIR with the quick fix and inanimate.

I think we need to really pull our heads out of our asses here and stop BLAMING irrelevant shit for the state of mind WE are allowing and participating in creating...it won't stop until WE stop BUYING it.

If you look at ANY of the ancient ruins...that were constructed BC, the precision, the workmanship, the complexity of what it must have taken to design, construct, and finish such things made of stone...just THINK about it for a moment...there were no diamond saws, no mechanical hoists, no intricately designed ELECTRIC tools...THEIR MINDS were FAR MORE ADVANCED than ours...Technology may be advancing...but really, it is just taking the PLACE of our minds.  The ancients were FAR more in tune with the elements of nature...the source...whatever you choose to call it and how these elements were intended to be utilized.  We are so far removed from anything NATURAL...  It takes years of education for someone to become an engineer...EVERYONE in ancient times was an engineer...and there was no formal education, no computers.  The simpler life becomes FOR us...the more brain dead we become.  The zombie Apocalypse isn't such a far-out idea, really.  The more we have...the LESS we ARE.

So the next time anyone wants to go ranting and raving about "weapon control"...just remember, that weapons have been around since the dawn of time, but were used for a different purpose.  Also remember this....the hands that have CREATED the MINDS we abhor are not going to do ANYTHING to really solve the problem--so stop barking at the government.  It starts under your own roof...in your neighborhood, in your community...and you came into this world with a clean slate, a brilliant mind, an insatiable curiosity and urge to create.  Is it worth dulling it for convenience?  It may just be a matter of life or death...oh...wait...IT IS.

Soul-Searching

Good mIorning everyone!

I've not posted in quite a long time, and it isn't because I don't want to, nor is it for the lack of material to write about, but more because there is SO much I could write about and it is difficult to try to piece one thing together in one spot at one time.  I have a LOT going on.

I've taken a small hiatus from just about everything, as there has been a lot coming at me all at once.  I've had to slow down quite a bit, do a LOT of meditation, and just BE for a while.  It is like every new day brings with it a new set of puzzles to put together and a new discomfort of some sort.  These discomforts range from emotional to mental to physical...and ALL of them are here to tell me something and I'm a pretty sharp individual, so I think I got the big picture down, though the process of fitting the pieces together eludes me.  It is not so much the WHY's...but the HOW's.  I know why.  Usually, WHY (?)  is the biggie and I usually already know the whos, whats, whens and hows.

I believe I am going through yet another refining process right now, and have the distinct feeling that this is a BIG one.  It feels like the beginning of something I've never experienced before in my life, like I'm standing at midpoint between touching the sky and taking a hard fall and there is this unseen force constantly prodding me "what are you going to do now?"...sink or swim, run or crawl, grab onto or let go of, but I don't really know how to swim, where to run...I am directionless.  I'm stuck at the beginning of something that could ultimately define the reason for my existence.  I have a long-term vision, I have a plan, but I have this relentless "pushing" to be doing something NOW but within that long-term vision and plan, there is a "Yield" sign and I find myself at a crossroads once again.

I've been doing a LOT more listening than talking lately and a LOT more observing than taking action--which is probably the reason for my absence here.  This has been at an EXTREME level, more extreme than I've ever experienced before...and it gives me a LOT to think about.  It goes back to my post on relevance.  What worked before may not necessarily be relevant to now and now I have to figure out what works for NOW.  So instead of building (which I am so accustomed to doing)..I'm dissecting.  I know what parts are not functioning correctly, but I am having a problem with implementation of "right" replacements.  So at this point, I am motionless.

The one thing I know for sure is this:  I KNOW who I am.  I know why I do everything I do (or did everything I did), and through this dissection process I'm finding all of the parts and pieces...so I can ultimately find out ALL of what I'm made of and update some things to make them more apropos to the changing times.

I wish to all a good day.

My Happy Thanksgiving....

Good Saturday morning to one and all!

Today, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, which is quickly approaching, I thought I would post of things I am most thankful for.  As past posts have dictated and I shall reiterate...Thanksgiving is my very favorite day of the year..and hands down, the BEST holiday EVER!!  It is a day where I can flex my culinary muscles, dig into my creativity, and throw down a feast for the most important people in my life...and their friends (or family) as the case may be.  It is a day where I can count on my children and I sitting around the same table, having comedic table talk and coming together in our home filled with all manner of yummy aromas and all kinds of taste-bud tickling flavors and textures..and just the general feeling of warmth and satisfaction that come with a full belly and good company!!  Onto my list:

1)  I am most thankful for LIFE.  Without it, there would be nothing else to be thankful for.  I am grateful to wake each morning, breathe the air, see the sunshine, feel the rain, watch the snow fall, take in the natural scenery all around me, the ability to walk, talk, hear, see, feel, dream, think, work, and most importantly...good health.

2)  I am thankful for the ups and downs of life...without those, the life I am so thankful for would be boring.  It has been through my walk through the valleys of this life that I have come to truly appreciate reaching the summit.  It is through the hard truths I've had to face and own that I am able to recognize untruth.  It is through the detours I've taken or have been forced to take that I've learned how to eliminate the stories I tell myself about myself and create and embrace fresh ideas with happier outcomes.

3)  I am thankful for the lives and health of my children.  Without them, a large part of my heart would not have matured to develop the traits of selflessness and sacrifice.  Without them, I would not have given everything I have ever done my best shot.  Without them, I would not have learned so much about myself.  Without them, I would not know the blessing of a mother's love and a bond like no other.  Without them, I probably would have had a harder time reaching my summits...as their watching eyes were the consistent fuel that kept me pressing on.  The love, respect, and support they offer me is their gift and my treasure.

4)  I am thankful for my cozy home.  It is my place of solace and rest.  It is a place of shelter and comfort.  It is where I ground and express myself.  It is a storehouse of memories, laughter, tears, struggle, victory--and is the center of the true love in my life.  That LOVE gathers here every Thanksgiving.

Wrapping it up...I am also thankful for creation, forgiveness, acceptance, peace, courage, resilience, flexibility, faith, hope, strength, honesty, smiles, hugs, kindness, compassion...in a world that tests them every day.  I am also thankful for the tests...as they ignite courage, produce knowledge that leads to wisdom, and and most importantly...when the fog clears... inner peace.

God Bless and Be Well!

Within the Space of Relevance--Part I

Hi everyone!!

As I sit here this Sunday morning, listening to the church bells chime, looking at the snow-covered rooftops, and enjoying my second cup of hot fresh coffee...I am mulling over the events of the past week and have again experienced epiphany.  Ecclesiastes 3:1 says:  "For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under Heaven."  At first glance, one would probably say that this means that there is a "right time" for everything...I mean..flowers don't customarily grow in the winter, we don't learn to drive until we're old enough--ya know, stuff like that.  When tragedy comes and things don't pan out of our plans the way we envision them, we can also look to this passage and say "it just wasn't the right time."  One thing is for certain...everything that happens happens for a reason and the things that don't don't for a reason...and a lot of times, we will say "it was or wasn't meant to be."  I am a firm believer in this.

More than being "slaves to time and space" as the message of this passage can also be understood.  Time/under Heaven--I'm coming to understand that our human nature may indeed be influenced by time and space...but who or what is the RULER?   If time and space is the scientific embodiment of life here on earth...then what is the spiritual rule or component to this?  It is relevance   If we go further into this chapter, in Ecclesiastes 8:6, it says:  "For there is a proper time and procedure for every matter, though a man's misery weighs heavily upon him."  Throughout this book...the author will say repeatedly "this is a meaningless chasing of the wind."  If we are to read this book (or any of them) without FIRST looking deeply into ourselves--we would undoubtedly feel as if "I'm damned if you do, and damned if I don't."  It will read as if  life is really meaningless and not worth living, that everything we do, say, and feel---is just a waste of time.  This book, as well as ANY spiritual guide book REQUIRES introspection, honesty, and insight in order to be understood and become applicable.  This may be the reason why spirituality is so misunderstood in the Western world---we are led by fear to COMPETE.

If we are to look at relevance as the spiritual component to "everything happens for a reason and there is a time for every activity under heaven" we will see that pretty automatically, we teach and learn when and ONLY when the information is relevant (applicable) to us.  We don't teach our babies how to look both ways before crossing the street before they can walk...nor do we have a sex-talk with our children along with their kindergarten ABC's lesson.  We really don't need any kind of "rule book" or step-by-step instruction on precise age, time, or place to teach and learn these things...because it is INNATE, built-in...it is a sense that "it is time."   A scientist or doctor did not write the rule book and we followed.  Any information written on when to teach and when to learn were all OBSERVED and recorded phenomenon of what already IS.   So there is no need to play chicken and egg here.  The amazing things we come equipped with and capable of are often overlooked and go unnoticed when we live within the confines and become distracted by time and space.

"A chasing after the wind"...hmmm...could this mean that we are SO bent on controlling how life unfolds that we put into place all of these plans...in lieu of an imagined final outcome?  Because let's face it...anything in the future IS imagined--although I do believe that the past is a good indicator of the future, the past is also the ONLY catalyst for change--so it cannot be forgotten if we are to evolve in any way stronger, wiser, and better in moving toward our tomorrow.  I feel it pertinent to mention that a "catalyst" is only a precipitatory motivator.  It is not the CAUSE for change...it only motivates it.  Our WILL is where the true spiritual growth hormone resides and it is through a passion that this WILL becomes engaged.  I believe that what the author is trying to tell is is this:  Live in the moment and do the best with that moment that you can--stop beating yourself up storing, and preparing for an imagined outcome that may very well NOT turn out the way you imagined it.  And when it doesn't...use HINDSIGHT to see why it didn't.  Chances are...what was relevant yesterday is NOT what is relevant today.

The order of relevance is a shifting and changing consciousness.  It is an element of growth and without change, there IS no growth.  We don't need to ever be retaught (unless there is some physical tragic infirmary of some sort) how to read, how to write, how to walk, talk.  BUT...we do, through the years, SHARPEN these skills as the need for this becomes relevant--and from this sharpening, a branching-out naturally occurs.

A lot of mistakes we make that our "misery weighs heavily upon us" may not even be mistakes at all.  They may not have been a relevant issue at the time...but at the point of being miserable over it---IS THE EXACT moment OF it's relevance.  Understand?  If there is something that bothers you about today that you can see would be different today had you "known better" then...NOW is the relevant time for that KNOWING NOW to be used in moving forward.  I watched T.D. Jakes this Sunday (as I do every Sunday) and he preached a sermon about the eagle and the dynamic of the nest.  He metaphorically explained that the mother prepares in advance the nest...and that the nest is a history book of where the mother has been, every branch, every blade of grass.  She makes it so that all of the points of the branches are OUTSIDE to guard the nest from predators--but that the inside is smooth and comfortable for the expected babies.  As they begin to outgrow the nest...she "stirs" the nest and brings the pointed ends of the sticks INTO the nest to make it uncomfortable for the now older babies to encourage them to leave it and move to the next  moment of their lives--on their own.  So...relevant to put everything she has into making a comfortable and safe home for her babies when it is best for them...and relevant to make it unsafe and uncomfortable for them when it is best for them...but each in its time.  So, just because something feels perfect and becomes comfortable to you at one stage of your life doesn't mean that in moving forward, it wasn't MEANT TO BE.  It may just mean that the lesson in it wasn't relevant at the time, but would eventually become so.

Think about this a little bit...let it brew a while..I'll be back to continue my point and further illustrate the importance of understanding this concept.

To be continued......

"Learning is about simply acquiring new knowledge and insights, it is also crucial to unlearn old knowledge that has outlived its relevance."~Gary Ryan Blair.

"Existence is no more than the precarious attainment of relevance in an intensely mobile flux of past, present, and future."~Susan Sontaq.

In Memory of R.G.K. 11/27/1917---10/28/1998

Today is a somber, bitter-sweet sort of day.  It is a day that I relive the events of (now) 14 years ago, a day of pure helplessness, a day my world stopped momentarily....as I watched my beloved father end his walk upon this physical plane.  I am so grateful that he had presence of mind just hours before his final departure so that he could impart to me words that I would carry with me until I went to meet him there.  I'm grateful for the blessed opportunity to care for him in my home which led to my children (whom were very young at the time) developing a real knowledge of him and memories that they too can (and do) carry with them.  I'm grateful to have been trusted with the final decisions regarding his medical care and that he trusted me enough to know that  respect for his wishes along with my love for him would guide me to do the very best for him.  Just a day before that day, he and I watched a concert special on VH1 of Elton John (I LOVE Elton John) but I remember saying to him "If you don't want to watch this dad, you can change the channel"  He replied, "Oh no, I like this guy."  So there we were, the two of us sharing a 9" apple pie he requested that I bake him, sipping coffee and being entertained by Elton John...just silent space shared in love.  I cherish that memory and every time I hear an Elton John song...that memory is attached.

I can honestly say...though my father's face is not in view and the smell of that "Old Spice" is not wafting in the air, he IS with me...A LOT.  I feel him all the time, letting me know he is still a very important part of my life.  I know he sees my kids as they have all grown into adulthood and approves of their paths in life.  I know he is proud of me--of all of us.  I draw strength from his memory and I still try to make decisions that would make him proud.  He is thought of very often, and most often during the month of October.  I can honestly say that the month of October (since his passing) has always been the month of the year where I seem to make some pretty big, life-changing decisions...and it isn't even forethought...just seems to be the way it happens.  My youngest daughter was born October 18th...and she was the only of my three children that my father held while we were still in the hospital..AND I have a picture of it.  I feel it so apropos that fall has always been my favorite season, that it is the month that is clearly related to the change of season from summer to fall...from presence to absence...from warm, exuberant life brimming all around to barren chill and silence.  But I find the beauty in it...the smell, the seemingly different angle of the sun and the shadows it throws, the preparation of nature for rest, and the warm and cozy blanketed sleep.

I cry a lot around this time of year because it is my favorite holiday time...starting with Thanksgiving, through Christmas, and the birth of a brand new calendar year...all without the physical presence of my father.  I usually write my dad a letter every thanksgiving because sometimes, his birthday falls on this day...sometimes not..but another date that brings him to the forefront of my thoughts and reminds me that his laughter cannot be heard, his arms cannot be felt, and his humor cannot be shared.  As young as my children were when he left us, they will always mention him around this time too...usually Thanksgiving...one of them will say (and it is usually my middle daughter)..."I miss grandpa, I wish he was here to see how well we all are doing." To which I reply..."He is and he does, we just miss his physical presence."  This November, he would have been  95.  He lived a long life...one month shy of his 81st birthday and I think he lived the last good 15 years exactly the way he wanted to.

So today, it is all about my Rocket Man.  Love you dad.  We miss the parts of you that are missing...we feel the part of you that lives on.

Old Soul, New Vision

Good morning to all of my transcontinental friends as well as those here in the U.S.

I am astounded (to say the very least) at the number of views this blog gets from all over the world...from the tiniest islands to some of the largest republics...and lately, it seems that the people who are farthest from me, who were raised in different cultures and with different ideals are the ones who show most interest in the ideas I write about on here.  I've always had what I term to be an "old soul" and I have even said myself that I am a little "out there"...but it is so pleasing to know that "out there" is a literal place!!  Thank you so much for your continued interest.  It means SO much to me.

I've written in the past about purpose and tools and how sometimes we confuse them, interchange them, or even exchange one for the other..without the slightest clue.  I've also written about the path to enlightenment (as traveled by me)..and how the more wise we become, the more tools and talents we discover in ourselves to fulfill that purpose.  As long as I can remember, I have had what seemed like a NEED to write.  I have also had in indelible curiosity about people, situational context as it relates to people, and reaction/response.  I have always been very sensitive to voice inflection, body language; and have become very studious with regard to how language is used, word enunciation, and have had huge interest in grammar and composition.  I also have a relentless and complex imagination and busy myself with finding the irony in the smallest of detail.  Therefore, I regard my "gift" as seeing beyond and reading between.  It has never been a forced behavior, but more of a natural response..I've always been this way.

I've written some poetry here and there in addition to this blog and the work I've done on my book.  I journal every day faithfully and I record my dreams and experiences I have during meditation.  I jot EVERYTHING down because I feel led to do it.  I feel as though ALL of this information will become useful at some point in time.

The other morning, I woke up with this drive to compose yet another poem and along with this latest written work, this voice inside my head saying "you need to begin copyrighting your written material before you start throwing it out there for everyone to read."  This, due in part by the hardest lesson I've ever learned (and it took me a while)...self-preservation and protection of my voice and rights.  Though it is my nature to trust until proven that I can't...I've learned that a metered dose of caution can be a great ally in keeping the scales balanced.  I believe this work (though unfinished) to embody much of what by book would have shared, only in a much shorter and easier to understand context---and then again, maybe not.  

I have to say; however, that I really see (more these days than ever) a need in people to understand themselves better and to live their lives with PURPOSE.  People's attitudes just don't seem to be wrapped around material abundance so much anymore.  It seems that little by little, there is more interest in what one can do in service to others...instead of dwelling so much upon personal gain.  I am finding that people are losing faith in their jobs, the medical community, indoctrinated religion, the drug companies, insurance companies, the banking system, government, and definitely...all things "corporate America".  I think that others are beginning to "read between: and "see beyond" and this encourages me.  It seems that the division these once-emulated "deities" creates has become unveiled and now people are leaping off of the bandwagon of propaganda in search of real peace and meaning in their lives.  Maybe I am just paying closer attention...but this is the way it looks to me.

The one thing I can say for certain is this:  My entire life has been thoughtfully patterned around "what I don't want", "what doesn't feel right", and how I "won't do things."  So in essence, all of the lies, the maltreatment, the injustice, the fraud, greed, pride, and power we can now EXPECT at every turn really makes us think, educates us, and makes us better people when we recognize what it ISN'T, how it DOESN'T feel, and it what it WON'T do.  So to any and all  huge conglomerates, groups, and individuals who have your own greedy interests in mind, it has gotten to the point where the once un-noticable gap between "helping" us and harming us is becoming clearly recognized and people are searching for and finding alternatives.  The irony in all of this is this:  It is through ALL that was designed to divide that we are finding the answer to what bans us together.  So thank you--it's coming around now.

So in closing, I would like to wish one and all inner peace, vision toward that peace, and a life full of meaning and true comfort.  The minute you begin to question your purpose, you are on the road to a higher life--Happy trails to you!!