Hi everyone! Thought I'd jump on here and launch some thoughts.
I have gone through quite a bit of growth over the last year...so much so, it surprises me. Funny, how we think we know until we actually do know and then we think "wow, I really knew next to nothing." I used to be such a situational control freak. I mean, I am not bashing preparation at all...just the attachment to outcome. However, in the last week or so, I've seen how easy it is to "click" back into that habit. All's it takes is someone you dearly love in a situation that is similar to a situation you've worked through, realizing the mistakes you made, and the changes you, yourself have made in moving forward. Your mind can trick you into believing that you are reliving it all over again, and it becomes hard to watch someone you love struggle in it the same way you did--along with making the same mistakes and prolonging the inevitable--which (you now realize) only makes it THAT much harder to endure when the inevitable eventually happens. Pretty soon, you find yourself chiming in with your opinion, advice, and wisdom--with that same feeling of helplessness that is all-too familiar--only this time, KNOWING better. The dearly loved one, now finding him/herself in a similar position that you were once in begins to reflect and makes comments and inquiries in a compassionate and empathetic manner because they know now how you felt then. This is NOT an invitation to start preaching.
During this momentary lapse of reason...as I switched back to my old "situational control" mechanism, I could palpably FEEL the disharmony inside. I felt anxious, tense, and flighty. Though it is SO close to home....it is no longer my lesson to learn, but another's. It is apparent that this person sees the similarity between what I was up against and what she now has to reconcile within herself. It is equally apparent that she has seen how I have used my time in the healing process and how I have come out of it a stronger, more tolerant, less agitated and more importantly...peaceful and whole person. Words have no more power to drive a lesson home than an example does...even if they jibe...it is the "experience" that teaches, not what one can say about it---because there are things in this life that you really cannot describe with words, no matter how hard you try...they just remain either neutral or totally indescribable. They just ARE.
I guess the point I am trying to make here is I am totally aware now of what inside of ME throws me off balance. It isn't outside circumstance, it isn't even those unplanned, unaccounted for or unforeseen situations, or the drama that someone else brings with them. It is how we internalize and externalize them. It is whether or not we allow these things to get to us or whether we are strong enough to just let them come and let them pass. I've learned that we don't have to GRAB onto everything and make it our problem, even if it feels assigned to us. We can be supportive without being invasive. We can be an example of maturity and grace without having to prove it. Which brings me to another point....and one that I couldn't wrap my mind around, though it seemed to make a lot of sense...but I had to allow myself to experience. This is a concept that you cannot rationalize or make sense of. It is only something that can be felt. "what you project onto others, reflects back onto you from others." When I try to control a situation...I feel controlled BY it. When I invade, I feel invaded. This is the disharmony and unbalance I spoke of earlier. When you truly experience inner peace, you naturally begin to adapt thoughts, behaviors, and actions that are in line with that peace. When change comes and you feel a "threat" to that peace in the air or in a set of circumstances, the instinctive "fight or flight" mechanism kicks into action..and now what you perceive to be a threat actually becomes one by your own doing...because old habits die HARD. I am; however, grateful that I know the difference now and I can feel this discomfort when I act in a manner that is not cohesive to the peace I've attained. It's crazy, but I used to call this discomfort "normal" and used to relate the concept of peace to that of boredom. It's amazing how clean and fresh everything is after the rain (when we take time to notice).
I won't ever be perfect and I will continue to slip up every now and again...but I'm glad to know that recovery comes in a more timely manner and that it is more swift and less arduous a task. I cannot worry myself over another's path in life..no matter how much I love, care for, and about this person...no matter if I've been through it and transcended it...it is theirs for them to travel. Peace cannot be given...it has to be found and willingly moved into by the pursuant.
I wish to be nothing more than a quiet example. I have nothing to prove that isn't already proven.
I can love without words. I can motivate without instruction. I can demonstrate without activity. I can be and let be. If I have compassion and empathy...I have everything.
Good day to all!
xoxoxoxoxo
I have gone through quite a bit of growth over the last year...so much so, it surprises me. Funny, how we think we know until we actually do know and then we think "wow, I really knew next to nothing." I used to be such a situational control freak. I mean, I am not bashing preparation at all...just the attachment to outcome. However, in the last week or so, I've seen how easy it is to "click" back into that habit. All's it takes is someone you dearly love in a situation that is similar to a situation you've worked through, realizing the mistakes you made, and the changes you, yourself have made in moving forward. Your mind can trick you into believing that you are reliving it all over again, and it becomes hard to watch someone you love struggle in it the same way you did--along with making the same mistakes and prolonging the inevitable--which (you now realize) only makes it THAT much harder to endure when the inevitable eventually happens. Pretty soon, you find yourself chiming in with your opinion, advice, and wisdom--with that same feeling of helplessness that is all-too familiar--only this time, KNOWING better. The dearly loved one, now finding him/herself in a similar position that you were once in begins to reflect and makes comments and inquiries in a compassionate and empathetic manner because they know now how you felt then. This is NOT an invitation to start preaching.
During this momentary lapse of reason...as I switched back to my old "situational control" mechanism, I could palpably FEEL the disharmony inside. I felt anxious, tense, and flighty. Though it is SO close to home....it is no longer my lesson to learn, but another's. It is apparent that this person sees the similarity between what I was up against and what she now has to reconcile within herself. It is equally apparent that she has seen how I have used my time in the healing process and how I have come out of it a stronger, more tolerant, less agitated and more importantly...peaceful and whole person. Words have no more power to drive a lesson home than an example does...even if they jibe...it is the "experience" that teaches, not what one can say about it---because there are things in this life that you really cannot describe with words, no matter how hard you try...they just remain either neutral or totally indescribable. They just ARE.
I guess the point I am trying to make here is I am totally aware now of what inside of ME throws me off balance. It isn't outside circumstance, it isn't even those unplanned, unaccounted for or unforeseen situations, or the drama that someone else brings with them. It is how we internalize and externalize them. It is whether or not we allow these things to get to us or whether we are strong enough to just let them come and let them pass. I've learned that we don't have to GRAB onto everything and make it our problem, even if it feels assigned to us. We can be supportive without being invasive. We can be an example of maturity and grace without having to prove it. Which brings me to another point....and one that I couldn't wrap my mind around, though it seemed to make a lot of sense...but I had to allow myself to experience. This is a concept that you cannot rationalize or make sense of. It is only something that can be felt. "what you project onto others, reflects back onto you from others." When I try to control a situation...I feel controlled BY it. When I invade, I feel invaded. This is the disharmony and unbalance I spoke of earlier. When you truly experience inner peace, you naturally begin to adapt thoughts, behaviors, and actions that are in line with that peace. When change comes and you feel a "threat" to that peace in the air or in a set of circumstances, the instinctive "fight or flight" mechanism kicks into action..and now what you perceive to be a threat actually becomes one by your own doing...because old habits die HARD. I am; however, grateful that I know the difference now and I can feel this discomfort when I act in a manner that is not cohesive to the peace I've attained. It's crazy, but I used to call this discomfort "normal" and used to relate the concept of peace to that of boredom. It's amazing how clean and fresh everything is after the rain (when we take time to notice).
I won't ever be perfect and I will continue to slip up every now and again...but I'm glad to know that recovery comes in a more timely manner and that it is more swift and less arduous a task. I cannot worry myself over another's path in life..no matter how much I love, care for, and about this person...no matter if I've been through it and transcended it...it is theirs for them to travel. Peace cannot be given...it has to be found and willingly moved into by the pursuant.
I wish to be nothing more than a quiet example. I have nothing to prove that isn't already proven.
I can love without words. I can motivate without instruction. I can demonstrate without activity. I can be and let be. If I have compassion and empathy...I have everything.
Good day to all!
xoxoxoxoxo
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