Commitment

Hey everyone!!  Hope everyone is enjoying their Sunday.  The outside here may be a bit rainy, windy, and dark...but the inside is bright, warm, and calm!!

Wanted to stop in and hit on a topic that seems to be a misunderstood or lightly-taken concept.  Few people really know what the word commitment means..OR they focus on maybe half of the definition and remain oblivious to what it means as a whole.

Commitment defined:
1.  the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc.  dedication, devotion, allegiance, loyalty, faithfulness, fidelity.

2.  an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action--responsibility, obligation, duty, tie, liability.

So one defining part of commitment is a PROMISE while the other is a TASK.  Sadly, promises are easily broken and "tasks" are just too much like work...and most people look for the biggest benefit for the smallest contribution.  I mean, who wouldn't?  Maybe ...the people who make promises to themselves FIRST. A real promise is not easily kept..but if it is made first to myself, then it makes it a LOT tougher to break.  In its complete state, commitment is dedication, devotion, allegiance, loyalty, faithfulness, and fidelity TO responsibility, obligation, duty tie, and liability.  On the flip side...it is ALSO responsibility, obligation, duty TO dedication, devotion, allegiance, loyalty.......well, you get my point.  So in essence, true commitment is not one or the other definition but BOTH as ONE.  Commitment IS the promise of the action and the action of the promise.

So why do so many people obligate themselves to such extremes when they really don't understand the depth of what it really means to do so?  Why would one "LOCK" themselves up, restrict their FREEDOM and willingly take on all of this responsibility?  The simple answer would be because they want to and though the reasons they want to may vary widely...here are some right off the top of my head that are probably considerations:
1).  There is some sort of temporary benefit in it for them.
2).  They are attempting to create an image for themselves that coincides with commitment they make.
3)   They are attempting to gain the trust of others by means of an attempt to fulfill a promise.

The more involved answer would probably play out more like this:
1).  Being able to trust themselves enough to follow through is important to them.
2).  Deciding that the overall benefit far outweighs any real or perceived restriction, delay, or discomfort in achieving it.
3).  Their mindset is simply to make decisions that are in line with who they are.

You see, a commitment is NOT a temporary thing and it really has nothing to do with comfort but rather speaks justly to the content of one's character.  When we are young, we all dabble in this "commitment" thingy...and most times, we do it for all of the wrong reasons...insecurity, a need for acceptance, a need to be needed, wanted..etc.  We have a picture in our heads of how we want our life to be and we end up filling it in with all of the wrong colors and shading..until we cannot even see the original anymore, let alone decipher from which direction the light may be entering when the shadows being cast seem to be all over the place.  Though, as we mature and make a few life-altering mistakes, we begin to see that making promises just for the sake of a pretty picture isn't the purpose for them at all.

You know you have the correct, concise, and true picture of commitment when:
1)  You have the opportunity to get something that you want so badly, but are aware enough to know that it is just another pretty package "beginning" that has "going nowhere" written on the card.
2)  You voluntarily (yet sometimes begrudgingly) limit your freedom to do what you want to do NOW for the sake of what is best for you in the long run.
3).  Your will is to FINISH everything that you begin or DIE TRYING.
4).  You become attuned to your strengths and weaknesses, and begin to view imposed limitation and challenge as an exercise in determination, courage, and opportunity to learn, transcend, and succeed.

And lastly....when your goal is to completely trust, love, and embrace yourself as you are---when it is important to you that all that is around you or what you leave behind is a reflection of what is inside of you---when you carry with you no guilt, no shame, and no loose ends that you "wish" you'd have taken better care to tie up---when you take care to make sure that no one else suffers the consequences of your unwillingness to follow-through or shoulders any of the responsibility of your inability to do so.

Important note..there is no escaping the truth...it goes with us wherever we go and we ALWAYS return to it, so it is best NOT to make promises we know we have no intention of keeping...because it is within our intention--the seed of our deepest desires that eventually blooms into the life we either live up to or attempt to live down.  And truth...is no respecter of even the most inventive verbal utterings of a highly imaginative mind...so best to save the words--as what surrounds you and what you leave behind IS your mirror.  Reflection wins every time.

The value of the promises that we make (and not just the promises themselves) are the BEGINNING and the END of who we are.

"We cannot be sure of having something to live for unless we are willing to die for it."~  Ernesto Guevara.

"Freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose--and commit myself to what is best for me."~Paulo Coelho.

"If you build the guts to do something--anything--then you better save enough to face the consequences."~Criss Jami.

"There is a difference between interest and commitment.  When you are interested in something, you do it only when it is convenient.  When you are committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results."~Kenneth H. Blanchard.

"Anyone can dabble, but once you've made that commitment, your blood has that particular thing in it and it is very hard for people to stop you."~Bill Cosby.

And finally.."The relationship between commitment and doubt is by no means an antagonistic one.  Commitment is healthiest when it is not without doubt, but in spite of doubt."~Rollo May

Sitting exactly where you are now and taking a look back at the decisions that led you here is the only way you will find out exactly what it is you are committed to.  Everyone is committed to something...whether it is healthy or unhealthy is determined by the nature of the challenge.  Is it that of  YOUR OWN resolve or the resolve of others?

And that's all folks!!!

Be Inspired

Good morning and hello to everyone.

I have SO many posts saved away in draft that I fully intended to publish..and then went "eh, maybe not."  So I am trying my hand at it again today...hope this one actually has a point!  I will begin today by saying that it amazes me how many things I interpret backwards...and how actually exciting it is when this epiphany hits.  You would think that I would be all hard on myself for perceiving something the entirely wrong way for such a long time...only to discover...well..you get my point.  This is when you know there is divine intervention at play...there will be some irony in the mix.

A COMMON BOND BETWEEN INTUITION--INSPIRATION--CREATIVITY
I've always had these little instances of  moments of high intuition...where I would just instinctively KNOW things...and I would just quell any creative pursuits until these moments would arrive and then I would feel and ultimately BE more creative.  It would be these fleeting moments in time where I would feel most inspired.  HOWEVER...lately, I have had to force creativity upon myself...I have had to think creatively and then force myself to pursue it as more of a possible means to an end rather than waiting on inspiration to lead me.  I've had to tap into my potential...rather than waiting for my potential tap into me.--understand?

Oh, the things we believe about ourselves (or should I say deceive ourselves into believing).  What I have discovered is that ACTION is what gives birth to inspiration--whether it is our very own action or the actions of another.  Our potential is an  endless vat of possibility and opportunity.  We don't need to be at all inspired to tap into it...sometimes, we just gotta do what we gotta do.  We all pretty much know our own capabilities, propensities, and strengths.  We just have to force ourselves sometimes to grab ahold of  them when we are feeling TOTALLY uninspired, unmotivated, and unmoved to do so.  What I discovered was that familiar feeling of KNOWING--my mind's eye shifting--and inspiration beginning to flood the plain.  And because I always thought that these were just "seasons" that came and went without any comprehension or understanding of where, why, and how they arrived and left, I cannot recall specific actions on my part in the past that would have opened this flood gate..but I guess I kinda KNOW now that there had to have been.

So my friends...I offer you this tidbit of info.  It was a very eye-opening experience for me.  Don't wait to be inspired...just MOVE in it...it will catch up to you, I promise!!

Regards..

0:36--1:57....And it doesn't get much better than this....

The Woodwork

Hello everyone!!

It is a beautiful Sunday morning (all Sunday mornings are beautiful, by the way).  I don't get on here as much as I would like, but I've had some rather unruly and mentally-draining business to take care of....which still isn't quite taken care of yet, but in the works.

During this time, I've come up with some material...imagine that!!  Woodwork......that "how come no one told me this BEFORE" syndrome.  It seems that the woodwork is always hiding people with specific knowledge that would be pertinent to saving you from doing something totally ignorant, but it only lets them out AFTER you're neck-deep in chaos and drama.  What's up with that???

Here's my philosophy...the woodwork is the keeper of the skeletons.  The skeletons, however, believe they are in control and can come out whenever they see fit....however, the woodwork has a way of opening up and exposing them BEFORE they know what hit them--but this only seems to happen after a tragedy COULD have been averted.  I guess we don't ever go looking for these skeletons...I think it is most people's nature to take someone's word for who they are...I mean, they know themselves better than anyone else...but maybe, the woodwork lays wide open the entire time, and we just choose to believe these bony beings are not there in favor of trust that they are not.

Everyone has things from their past that they are not proud of...decisions we've made, things we've done...bad choices.  If we understand they were mistakes, and we acknowledge we are NOT what we do or what we have done, and we make sure not to repeat these embarrassing little acts or hastened choices...then we tend to leave them where they were or we may even talk about them in jest....because acceptance of them really makes them somewhat of a past frivolity and the making of the better person we are today.  Sometimes, when I bring to the surface of a conversation some of the things I had done--because I really have no shame...people cannot believe that I would do such a thing...or they cannot imagine me being in that place at that time doing what I was doing!!  This is what lets ya know that you are not that person...the people who know you now, who see you daily...these are NOT skeletons.

Skeletons are the embodiment of hiding WHO WE REALLY ARE...as opposed to being, living, and sharing who we really are, dumb-ass choices and all.  The woodwork serves to open up into REALITY and TRUTH what the keeper is HIDING.  There are many soldiers of the woodwork, but they keep their station until they are "called to duty."  This happens when an event happens that is similar to a past event involving the same person....or when someone says something about someone that strikes a familiar chord from a past involvement of similar circumstances...then the woodwork army just bans together and comes marching out...with all manner of totally believable and uncanny truths...and you are left there going...REALLY...you expose this all NOW?

Most times, you will get a reply that sounds something like this:  "Well, I didn't want to rock the boat" or "I thought you already knew"  or "We figured you'd find out on your own eventually."  or "we've all always known this about him/her, this or that."  Those are trademark woodwork "afterthoughts."  And when the shit hits the fan....Whoa...look out....you could get your ass trampled by these soldiers, because THEN, they are on a mission...and this mission, I greatly appreciate...because I am of the belief that everything happens at the exact time it should...even though I would LOVE to change the past and would have loved the chance to do things differently with ALL OF THE PERTINENT INFORMATION...but hey...that's what makes life interesting.  You actually find out that the woodwork is there to lean on and help you through it...it offers support during the difficult time of admitting that you have made (yet another) grave mistake.  It gives you useful and helpful information to fix the problem...so not all is lost...and then you walk away AGAIN with another lesson learned. This was something that I needed to learn...however, it seems to be set on repeat...so there is obviously SOMETHING that I am missing or WAS missing in all of it.

I believe it is that my philosophy on trust...has been back-asswards....yeah...I always freely give it until I am given reason not to.  Maybe I shouldn't trust anyone until THEY give me a reason TO.  I mean, it is an earned commodity...and a VERY, VERY precious and valuable one.  I thought that it always worked for me...but my buddy "hindsight"..ya know, the very close cousin of the woodwork, bred of the skeletons...tells me "eh...not so much."

So that is it for today...off to polish up some woodwork!!  :)

FIRST IMPRESSIONS....eh..pish tosh

Good morning folks!

Sitting here thinking about first impressions and how we sometimes get ourselves tangled up with the wrong people because of them.

I've heard people say that "you attract what you are" and I've also heard "you tend to admire in others the things that you lack"...yet, I've come to my own conclusion on the matter after some deep thought and many occurrences of this phenomenon in my life.  After each one of these "mishaps" in judgement and usually MUCH stress caused by them, I always learn a little something about myself...but this time, I believe I've hit the mother-load of education!!

It seems that (speaking for myself, of course) I assign to people a character.  YES...they really don't earn it at all before I jump right in assigning one to them BASED UPON an impression they make on me.  This comes from an over-abundance of empathy...I am FOREVER placing myself in someone else's shoes OR placing them in mine <---and I will explain what I mean by this.

If I meet someone who is in a similar situation that I was once in myself that may have been of particular struggle for me that I have since transcended, I will say...I WAS that person...or that person reminds me so much of my younger self, or his/her situation reminds me of a situation I was once in...and BAM, I begin to relate to this person on a deeper level--even though I really KNOW absolutely nothing about them but the "superficials."  I go right to situation and circumstance...because we all have them...and it is a common thing with ALL people.  I may then say to myself...boy if only someone would have given me a chance or a break or tried to better understand my struggle, I would have given the world to know I was more supported or more cared for...etc.  SO then...it is on.  I jump right in thinking that this person is LIKE ME, wanting the same things, prioritizing things the same way, and maybe I could make a difference in their lives to save them from this or that that I went through...when I had no one to make a diffference for me...and how maybe their life could be maybe a bit different.  I then begin to want to "spare" them...so then the rescue mode kicks in.

Most times (if you have a heart at all for others), it is an unconscious compulsion to give to others what you lacked but wanted so badly...and it comes from BEING DENIED and NOT having.  I've never been much of a materialistic person, so what I give is what I believe to be most valuable....time, trust, love, and support.

So my empathy goes haywire as soon as I see someone who shares with me a "like" situation or circumstance with me or even worse, someone who has gone through something that I pray would NEVER happen to me...because I already KNOW it would destroy me...and then I admire their tenacity and ability to cope...so I want to offer my love, support, and compassion with them.

To me...this is NORMAL.  However, I've learned that not everyone who is going through a similar situation or living a similar circumstance as I have has the same attitude or desirous outcome that I did.  In fact, there are those who don't even care to change anything about them, rise above them, or get out of them.  They create them purposely for attention, special favor, and exploit and use them to their advantage and self-serving nature.  THIS is what I've missed in all of this.  NOT everyone is like me...in fact, no one is exactly like me or you or anyone else.  Some don't want support...they want someone to come in and DO IT FOR THEM.  They don't want to better their lives, they just want to make that impression to get suckers like me to offer them something to unwittingly aid to their self-serving end...it's crazy...but its true.

I ask myself...how is it...if I have learned ANYTHING AT ALL from the close encounters I've had with this type of person that I seem to end up always having one of them TOO CLOSE?  It is my nature to believe in the GOOD...to believe that everyone just needs a chance, a boost, a friend, a trusted confidant...to achieve a better, more substantial, fulfilling life...because that is all I've ever strove to achieve...it isn't about stature, finances, attention, and what I want...it is about peace, happiness, family, security, stability, and not having to WORRY.  I know what it is like to worry...about the roof over my kids' heads, where the grocery/bill money was going to come from to KEEP a roof over their heads, who I could trust to watch them in my absence, having time to make sure their environment was safe, sound, and clean, whether or not I was a good example in my day-to-day behavior, my expectations of myself, etc.  I was concerned with always making sure that how people saw me (and I mean EVERYONE) was the same person I KNEW myself to be---so there would be no question of my authenticity...and that was important also to mirror to my children. I AM RESPONSIBLE for every choice I make...and I TAKE that responsibility VERY seriously...and I guess I think EVERYONE does...but the fact of the matter is....and very sadly, there are a lot more people in this world who would rather just ride your coat-tails than recognize the wings you offer them to fly on their own...the more you give, the more they expect.

So, how does one avoid this trap....GIVE people enough time to SHOW you themselves WHO they are and WHAT they are about and HOW they operate BEFORE you go assigning all of the "hard luck" or "bad break" excuses FOR them and rush in to pave their rocky road smooth for them.  People have a way of playing upon your genuine attributes and assigning THEMSELVES to them as well.  "See, I'm just like you, suffering the same struggles, wanting the same things, having the same priorities, principles, and looking to transcend...just like you."  They have a way of "admiring" YOUR tenacity, your obvious ability to overcome and HAVE what it is that is so important for them to achieve.  AND so, here is the equation:

Overabundant compassion/empathy + opportunistic means to an end = DISASTER.

So, those are my thoughts today and my latest life lesson.  Don't apply your own impressions upon the impressions of others.  No one is like you.  Allow their true colors to paint themselves upon that canvas before you paint it all up pretty FOR them.

Been a sucker for hard luck cases all my life...always brought home the strays...but now, I give to those who receive...and I don't to those who TAKE.  There is a difference & I am now fully aware of it.

Good day to all...

Women Over 40. By Frank Kaiser

I stumbled across this...found it to be SO true that I wanted to share it.

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

An older woman will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask,"What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

If an older woman doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And it's usually something more interesting.

An older woman knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is,what she is, what she wants and from whom.

Few women past the age of 40 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Older women are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with youat the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can getaway with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

An older woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women.

An older woman couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an older woman. They always know.

An older woman looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, an older woman is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off youare a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise older women for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.

DUTY--The "Am/Can/Will" vs. The "Am not, Can't, and Won't" Mindset.

Good morning folks!!

It is SO beautiful here this morning.  I've already been outside sitting on my porch, sipping my coffee, taking in the smell of lilac, listening to the birds, and enjoying the calm before the bustle of travelers heading into work and the school buses commuting students to school commenced.  What a lovely morning!

I have had quite a lengthy absence from my blog, as the usual turning over of the garden soil, lawn maintenance, trimming, and the like have sort of commanded my attention...and you will have no complaints from me!!  I am a "am, can, and will" sort of person, so my sense of duty comes very naturally and is based mostly upon "moral obligation" moreso than any "forced" sense of duty.  I embrace the work it takes to combine who I am with the things I set out to do.  Though, the wise will say that a person is not defined by what they do, I do believe that the attitude you carry with you into tasks you willfully commit yourself to is a pretty good indicator of whether you are a "am, can, and will" or a "am not, can't, and won't" type of person...and from where your sense of duty originates.

"AM/CAN/WILL
The "am, can, and will" type does not need to be cajoled, hinted at, or demanded to do anything that needs to be done.  They already know and are willing, ready, and able to accept and take on the responsibility and will try anything at least once.  They tend to be more frugal with time, money, and always enumerate their tasks from an ingrained priority list.  They tend to be more thoughtful of the commitments they enter into, making sure that enough time, energy, ability, and finances will support their decision BEFORE they take on anything that requires personal responsibility and upkeep---as these types also take this very seriously as well.  Sometimes, the original "plan" changes, and the "am, can, and will" will have to re-prioritize  re-plan  and reconfigure his/her role within the plan, but you can bet, he/she will have the attitude of "whatever it takes" and "you do what you gotta do" because to the "am, can, and wills"--it is inconsequential what someone else does or doesn't do...their sense of duty is MORAL and is based upon a greater good, and they have to live up to their word and at least put up their best effort to make it work if they are to sleep well at night.  They are very independent types who scoff at depending upon anyone to do what they feel they are completely capable of doing themselves.  Of course, there are things that just shouldn't be "tried at home"..by novices and left to the paid service of professionals, but even in this....if it needs to be done, these types make sure it gets done.  It may entail a little juggling of finance, and time, but again...there are PRIORITIES and these types have a keen sense of what takes precedence --even when unforeseen and unplanned circumstance forces changes upon them from time to time.  To these types, it is very important that everything that surrounds them is a reflection of what is inside of them.  Whatever they do, they do to the very best of their ability.  It is not enough for these types to "just get the job done"..as they are adverse to mediocrity.  They greatly appreciate all that they have, even if it isn't the best of anything to anyone else's measure or standard.  To them, their home is their castle, their car is their chariot, their children are their heart, and everything they have ever earned is a prized souvenir of great travels.  They cannot rest if they are not improving, investing, and contributing.

AM NOT/CAN'T/WON'T
This type generally goes about life "searching" for that one thing that will make their life complete at different times.  They base their commitments upon novelty and what feels good at the time, or what looks good on paper.  Their sense of duty is based upon acceptance and being seen in a good light by onlookers.  Their sense of priority is skewed and changes like a chameleon as it is highly influenced by their surroundings and the company they keep.  Although they may "appear" to have it all together, have strong work ethic, and a sense of moral duty, it is only show to those who actually do...so they can, by association be seen in that light as well.  They usually are looking to befriend those who can do something FOR them...and always have an excuse or object of blame at the ready when they cannot produce what they have committed to.   They are highly dependent individuals who play the "damsel in distress" and "poor me" card WAY too much.  They seem to be incapable of making decisions for their lives on their own and depend upon the input of others to sway them one way or the other.  Though they are very adverse to anyone who "offers" advice to them without them FIRST seeking it, because of their controlling nature.  They generally have no respect for the property or feelings of others UNLESS it can benefit them in some way--and if you look close enough, you will see that they really have very little respect for their own things and property.  Because their happiness is based upon novelty...we all know how temporary that is...once the newness wears off...and upkeep sets in...they become detached and totally uninterested.  They look to be stimulated all of the time and actually (as much as they bitch about it) LOVE chaos and drama...and if they can be the catalyst...it is all the better.  In opposition to their counterparts, their focus is upon what they absolutely WILL NOT DO...because usually, this will get their hands a little dirty...and dirty hands does not an "attractive and acceptable to others" person make.  They will say things like "I don't know how you do it" and "I wish I was as strong as you" in an effort to "butter you up" and provoke rescue.  But what the "am not/can't and won't" just doesn't understand is that once the "am, can, and will" sees what you do and how you behave when there is no audience to impress, he/she becomes disenchanted with the display and then expects you to maybe WATCH and LEARN instead of soliciting someone to do it FOR you.  They do the very LEAST that is expected of them, and their "play-time" seems to always take precedence over obligation of any sort.  They prioritize their time, effort, and finance to all of the "feel-good" moments...and if they have any energy, money, or time left over...they may do 1/8 of what may be expected of them...just so they can say they made an effort.  What is expected OF them, they also see as an imposition from others--not something they expect of themselves.  There doesn't seem to be any "true to word or form" morality.  Because their lives are a display, they are incapable of instinctively KNOWING anything but what they are told...but just try to tell them something they don't want to hear....oh boy!

As you can probably deduce, these two types do not fit, mix, or "play nice in the sandbox."  There are those of moral obligation and duty (that stems from the need to preserve and improve upon what is earned or gifted) and those of forced obligation (that stems from selfish need to obtain something from others) 2 Corinthians 6:14 states: "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers; for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness and what communion hath light with darkness?"

When you invite anyone into your life believing that you are of the same mind and heart...and find that your goals, your aspirations, and your work to preserve what you love is being fought every step of the way, and it seems like you have to battle the will of another to preserve and/or improve what is rightfully yours, it is time to kick 'em to the curb.  I have no commonality or fellowship with this type of individual...it is an oil and water scenario.  You are either a person of your word, or you are not.  You are either morally driven, or you are not.  You either have self-discipline or you do not.  What you do when others are not watching is the best indicator of who you are inside and how you treat those who cannot do anything FOR you is another.

The difference between a cheerful giver and a rescuer (enabler) is the COST.  If every time someone "forgets" or it "slips their mind" or "never crossed their mind"...it ends up costing YOU something...ya know what you are dealing with.

FIRST TEST GRADE AFTER INTENSIVE LESSON:  A+

Time to move on to the next...because I choose to move forward, not relive over and over again...my past.

"Wisdom is knowing what to do next, virtue is doing it."~David Star Jordan.

"Character is doing the right thing when nobody's looking.  There are too many people that think that the only thing that's right is getting by and the only thing that's wrong is getting caught."~J.C. Watts.

"If you have integrity, nothing else matters.  If you don't have integrity, nothing else matters."~Alan Simpson.

"Everyone complains of his memory, but no one complains of his judgement."~Francois de La Rochefoucauld.

"Persons with weight of character carry, like planets, their atmospheres along with them in their orbits."~Thomas Hardy.

Good day to all...it looks like it's gonna be a beauty!!

"...Neither persons or property will be safe."

It is a somber morning here for me.  I had a hard time sleeping last night with the events of the last 4 days, since the bombing at the Boston Marathon.

Though I usually avoid the news with all of it's tantalizing tidbits of propaganda and shit-talk--I felt compelled to have it on yesterday as they were searching for the youngest of the two bombing suspects.  I got a really GOOD dose of its POINT-DRILLING tactic and when it wasn't as completely redundant as it could POSSIBLY GET, all of the outrageous inconsistencies were laughable.  To me, these reporters looked like circus clowns, and the reason why they go into reporting....THEY ARE FOLLOWERS who live to be led, scrap-feeders who dig to the bottom of the dirtiest dumpster for their survival.  I was completely disgusted at the disorganized frenzy of these experts of exploitation, drawing their own conclusions, voicing their own opinions, and the point-to-point maneuverability of them.  All of this talk about "radicalization" and how fast and easy it is to become radicalized online (as if they are now experts in psychology).  As I sat there listening to this crap, I thought we have children, adolescents, and young adults who have been BORN AND RAISED HERE who have committed similar unconscionable acts of violence HERE.  We experience terrorism everyday...on different scales of course...but nonetheless, terrorism.  What the hell does the media think THEY are peddling here--messages of PEACE???  "This country's agenda and that country's agenda," and blah, blah, blah....."this religion, that religion" blah, blah, blah.  Everyone wants to get into the heads of these perpetrators, but no one wants to admit the truth of what they see...so we just go all hell-bent on revenge and two wrongs never make a right.  How long have the wars that spawned from 9/11 been going on and how many lives have we TRADED for the lives taken (2996 plus the 19 hijackers)---the estimates are around 112,043-122,573 civilian deaths (and STILL counting after 10 years) in a malevolent plot for revenge based on the same clown-like, inconsistency, maneuverability of reason, and the blatant "leading" lies to the people "leading" us to believe there were "weapons of mass destruction."

I may stand alone in my compassion for these two boys, who are the ages of my eldest and youngest children, and their families and those close to them, but I don't care.  I am in no way suggesting that justice does not need to be served.  They made a choice to commit a premeditated, calculated, and morally reprehensible crime against other innocent human beings.  I am only stating that these two seemed to have some very great potential for success and were very well-liked by those who knew them.  The one thing that struck me throughout this whole circus presentation was the fact that the eldest of these two was a golden-glove champion boxer, but when he was to compete in world competition, he was DENIED to do so even though he EARNED the right to compete.  Why you may ask....and this is what PISSES me off...because he was FOREIGN.  Look, American Government....if you "lift your lamp beside the golden door" and this boy has gone through the legal process of becoming WELCOME here....and while he is here, he makes a POSITIVE contribution to the "culturally diverse" nation you so proudly boast yourself to be....then make good on YOUR promise.  I guess in this wonderful nation of ours, people are only allowed SO much success before a reason is found to say..."yeah...that's enough...sorry."  It's either one way or the other...I, myself have HAD IT with the "both-ways" bullshit...as governmental officials see no cuts in THEIR salary, no contributions of their earned money being made to health insurance...but the working-class American people are being denied because of YOUR CHOICES.  This glass-house, stone-throwing, lack of empathy over the struggle that your choices have caused an entire country is never under scrutiny though is it...could it possibly be the cause of others having an attitude of entitlement--just like you?  Hmmm..I guess we will never know will we. It seems that your appeal is your CHARM...the wrapping paper is so pretty...and YES, there is a LOT more opportunity and a lot more protection and a lot more of everything that appeals to the human nature within the confines of this country, but there are also the "haves" and "have-nots" and if you were to really take an interest in what provokes a law-abiding citizen who loves this country to snap...the governing body may want to set a better example in the humility you expect us to reflect.

My hypothesis may sound a bit trivial...that this 26-year-old snapped because he was denied furthering his passion here because of his ethnicity, but up until that point, he was probably head over heels in love with this country and all the opportunity that it had bestowed upon him.  And then BAM...sorry, you are not GOOD enough to advance and represent our country because of circumstances beyond your control.  You were born elsewhere.  Seriously?  And another thing that struck me was the blatant ignorance of the uncle of these two who was clearly more concerned with the SHAME these boys had brought to himself and a family name than showing any amount of love or compassion--shouting "because they are LOSERS and cannot adjust themselves."  If this is the type of "family" they come from...then, really...is it any wonder?  The family is in COMPLETE denial over this....hmmmm....wonder why?  Denial usually comes from the inability to face the truth...and they surely don't want ANY of these actions to be attributed to, blamed or reflected upon them.  I also felt as if the younger of the two was more of a "go along" but who really knows.  Those are just my feelings.

At any rate, personal responsibility is not to be downplayed and it is not my intention to take any sides here.  I am just a proponent for the "gray area."  We can woulda/shoulda/coulda all day long over what has been done, but it really gets us nowhere.  For the sake of those injured and killed in the Boston Marathon bombing, I wish for you closure in the capture and wielding of justice to the perpetrators that effected your lives so adversely.  They deserve what they get...and they get what they give.  There really are no winners here though...just really bad choices that changed lives forever.  It seems we have enough of that going around...and that reaches beyond America...it is everywhere...encased within the mind and intention of every individual.

Toying with and limiting someone's purposeful passion is never a good idea.  At the Boston Marathon, I think it was nothing more than an "eye for an eye" M.O.

"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."~Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Where justice is denied, where poverty is enforced, where ignorance prevails, and where any one class is made to feel that society is an organized conspiracy to rob and degrade them, neither persons or property will be safe."~Frederick Douglass.

Praying for PEACE.

LUMINOSA

This is the GREATEST weekend ever!!!!  A most joyful greeting to all of my blog family today.

Passion (defined):  Strong and barely controllable emotion.

Although the word "passion" appears in the dictionary with it's LIMITED definition...I believe it is a state of being...much like and in conjunction with love and truth.  The dynamic of passion is hard to pin down by words alone as its very nature is contained within the character of the individual.  I don't see it at all as an emotion, but more of a unceasing DRIVE geared toward something you LOVE and a commitment to use every ounce of capability you have within you to continually polish it,  and without fear, display it...sort of like a great piece of art...or a beautiful music composition.  Passion has an innumerable and immeasurable amount of outlets and displays and each of them...BEAUTIFUL.

There are no barrier's to the emotion someone operating out of passion exudes.  The emotion travels off of paper, through a television and/or computer screen, through the a tone and vibration of an a musical instrument, or someone's voice alone.  A song, a performance, a painting, sculpture, or a speech can bring us all to tears if we are in tune with the message...and sometimes, it seems to just hit from out of nowhere...something down inside of us that we are unaware of just squeezes a tear from our eye.  If there is passion....there will be a response to it..it fills the air.  It is the PASSION behind the work that lives on in infamy...not the work alone.  It speaks to us and leaves a mysterious impression upon our hearts.  We can even recapture and surface that emotion with a mere recollection of the event that initiated the response.   It is this "tuning in" to one another....FEELING another's passion that allows us to bond with them on such an intimate level.  We, in essence, become the impassioned.

The reward in this innate characteristic is the "drawing" ability of it.  Even though your passion may not even be the same as someone else's--passion ignites passion regardless....especially if that passion is one of someone you deeply love.  It brings out an admiration of courage, determination, and dedication...and hence, hooks us and brings us into their world, their love, the deepest part of their being and the reward of "putting it ALL OUT THERE" and being validated in it...becomes an emotionally-charged celebratory event for ALL.

This weekend....well more specifically...on April 12, 2013...my eldest daughter performed in World Champioinship level competition in a sport that has consumed her passion for 13 years.  Going into this season of WGI, she knew it was going to be her last.  The last 10 years of her participation in this sport, she has traveled every year to Worlds...and was completely satisfied--if not overjoyed at the prospect of making it to finals.  Last year, they left World competition ranked 4th.  THAT was HUGE!!!  Although the dream of that medal was always the goal....didn't matter WHICH medal...just the recognition of being in the top-3 would be significant.

I am OVERJOYED to let you all know...that this unit took the GOLD this year!!!!!!  I cannot even begin to express (though I shall try) the emotion I felt when the realization that they were definitely within the TOP 3...so when they announced the bronze medalists (and it wasn't them)...and then the silver....MY entire being broke out in total emotional chaos...screams, tears, jumping up and down....I felt FLOODED with so many strong emotions FOR her---NOT that she needed any help!!!!  Her sister (who has marched right alongside her EXCEPT for this year) and I unfortunately could not be there in person...due to finances and work commitments...but we were able to view ALL of their performances leading up to this cherished moment for all of them via live stream from the WGI Fan Network.

As my baby girl stood proudly behind the "WGI SPORT OF THE ARTS CHAMPIONS" sign, and as everyone else was looking toward the "still shot" cameras...there was my champion staring off to the left into the video camera, mouthing the words "Hi mom...and Michaela...I LOVE YOU with tear-filled eyes and joy that I felt as if I was right there with her."  I reached out and touched the computer screen and said "I love you too sweetheart!!"

This is the "emotional response" to PASSION...and it is contagious...and what I felt (and continue to feel) I want more than anything to give back to them.  I want them to be as proud of me as I am of them...because it is SUCH a gift to want for those you love EVERYTHING that they want so desperately for themselves....and the admiration you feel for someone who is willing to display their entire vulnerability for all to see in the process is so overwhelming.

So my definition of passion is this:  A mysterious driving force that won't leave you alone, keeps you pushing toward greatness despite falling short of your goal time and time again convincing you that YOU CAN DO THIS and laying opportunity before you that becomes your responsibility to recognize.  Emotional exudate and response is a biproduct of passion...not the definition in and of itself!!

Congratulations Luminosa Winterguard--WGI Independent A Class Champions!!  Thank you for all you have done for and with my daughter to make her dream come true....what a fitting tribute and send-off to her!!  I'm so proud of each and every one of you...and because this has been my baby's passion for SO long...I FEEL YA!!

Easter Message

Good Morning Family!!

Just a quick stop here this morning to share with you, a beautiful prayer composition by Max Ehrmann (most known for his poem, Desiderata), that was recited at a memorial service that I attended yesterday.  Amid the deep sentiment a service such as this emotes in and of itself throughout all who attend, this poem, read at its conclusion, so deeply resonated within me that I felt every letter of every word of every stanza--the sentiment it conveyed completely overtook me.  I couldn't help as well, to feel that if I were ever so blessed to be so very intimately connected to this gift of prose as the author of it, I could have authored it myself.  It embodies a system of checks and balances bound to my innermost beliefs and therefore, sent my spirit tearfully melting out of my chair into the floor.  The message it contains is one suited so well to the traits of a most wholesome and humble character.  On this Easter Sunday, I would like to share it with all of you who come by to read.  May the sentiment of these words be that of your life's mission statement and may God bless and keep you on your journey.

A PRAYER
By Max Ehrmann

Let me do my work each day;
And if the darkened hours of despair overcome me,
May I not forget the strength that comforted me
In the desolation of other times.
May I still remember the bright hours that found me
Walking over the silent hills of my childhood,
Or dreaming on the margin of a quiet river,
When a light glowed within me,
And I promised my early God to have courage
Amid the tempests of the changing years.
Spare me from bitterness
And from the sharp passions of unguarded moments.
May I not forget that poverty and riches are of the spirit.
Though the world know me not,
May my thoughts and actions be such
As shall keep me friendly with myself.
Lift my eyes from the earth,
And let me not forget the uses of the stars.
Forbid that I should judge others,
Lest I condemn myself.
Let me not follow in the clamor of the world,
But walk calmly in my path.
Give me a few good friends who will love me for what I am;
And keep ever burning before my vagrant steps
The kindly light of hope.
And though age and infirmity overtake me,
And I come not within the sight of the castle of my dreams,
Teach me to be thankful for life,
And for the time's olden memories that are good and sweet;
And may the evening's twilight find me gentle still.

"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may..."

Good Morning Family!!

I decided that I would post today...being Good (or Holy) Friday.  Because of the "height-range" of my thoughts and beliefs, I simply cannot limit myself to one set of principles/teachings/or any specific reverence quotient as it/they refer to "God"--I do; however, find it quite apropos to celebrate this year alongside my Christian family due to the fateful correlative time-frame of my very own spiritual resurrection.

As you all know, as I have made sure that you do...I have received much wise counsel and clear insight into myself and my work from a voice of the ages which has served to breathe new life into me, and therefore, my work.  This voice then went on to acquaint me with another who then sought to critique the work of the first---who served me up a heaping dish of EPIPHANY.  I'm not even gonna go into any explanation about that because you probably wouldn't believe it if you had been there to experience it yourself...but that is the way of mystery, I suppose.  Since my recent introduction to myself (as a writer) by these masters of prose, I have satirically declared myself  an honorary member of the "Dead Poets Society"--AND we will just leave THAT.... right there!

So in the spirit of resurrected spirit, I would like to share with you a piece I composed that will appear within the introduction of my (yet untitled & unfinished) book.  I feel it proper to let you know that this piece was begun as a completely separate endeavor from the book, though with my recent induction to the Dead Poets Society, I felt rather inclined to revisit its (also yet unfinished) content.  As I skimmed the text, the last few verses added themselves, and much to my surprise, I found it to be a very concise introduction AND summation of my book!!!  The melodic and poetic nature of this piece adds a certain je ne sais quoi to the entire project...from beginning to end,  Who would have known??  So.... without further adieu:

VOYAGE

As I walk across this stage of life my lines become a blur,
Between the points of now and then, the known and the obscure.

I travel on in search of all that’s real and true of love,
Between the points of if and when, of under and above.

I've found myself upon the lane of lonely and self-doubt,
Betwixt the bridge of why/why not, of with and of without.

Across this bridge, I dove into the sea of guilt and shame,
And swam across the channel of the difference and the same.

I've crawled upon the island of lonely and despair,
And wandered paths of unknown space that crossed from here to there.

I've climbed atop a mountain and gained a clearer view,
Of the intersecting trails of how to think and what to do.

I've found myself in places where my only sense was sight,
And felt the most engulfing peace in the darkness mixed with light.

I’ve walked a thinning tightrope between right and what seemed wrong,
And asked myself repeatedly, “Am I weak or am I strong?”

I’ve come upon the intersect of Promise Street and Dread,
Where the street light blinks relentlessly--“To Lead or To Be Led.”

I know that all these differences somehow hold the key,
To unlock all the sameness that resides in you and me.

And in this space of boundless grace, we each for all abide.
Lay silent in the deepest place where think and feel collide.

This place is called “Acceptance” where love does never cease
It is the sum of all above…that road to inner peace.

And once alas we do arrive, we can then reconcile--
The reasons why we so deprived ourselves in our exile.

The lines once gauging difference there, here slowly disappear.
And joy then comes to infiltrate that space closed off in fear.

So now I stand upon this stage and wisdom can now reason
There is a time for everything, and to everything its season.

Copyright © 2012 R.A. Keller.  All Rights Reserved.


Today, I hope that you will know freedom, peace, and grace;
Until next time...we meet again,
In our sacred gathering place.

Please now take a moment to visit the URL posted below--.
http://youtu.be/veYR3ZC9wMQ

...and that's a wrap!
Raina

Ode to Longinus

Good morning again.

Well....since my last post, I have been busy doing research on literary agents--reading their profiles, going over interviews, and getting a feel for what they look for in a pitch letter...or in literary speak...query letter.  Ah-ha...see ya learn things when you study!!  I've also fallen upon a treatise (or in layman's terms) dissertation written by a literary critic who has been proposed to have lived in the first to third century AD entitled "On The Sublime" by a man called Longinus (though his real name was never known).  I must say, that I am pretty sure that now is the time to be doing all of this...because as I was reading his critique of Homer, Demetrius, Aristotle <---now those are some literary GIANTS right there....and right up my alley--I saw myself in what he termed "the sublime" as an author.  I have mentioned here that I won't post (or work on my book) if I have to get all "heady" about any point I'm attempting to make.  Once I start reaching for a concept, words, or explanations, and I begin over-thinking....game over, because I know it's not coming from the right place.  I mean sure, I could probably invent most anything in my lofty mind and vivid imagination, and allow those complexities to dictate, but there is something very unnatural feeling about that..it feels forced and full of pretense.  <----A fiction writer, I am not.

As I delved further into this concept of literary sublimity (as it relates to the author), I recalled my first year in college composition, whereby I was given a step-by-step reference outline by my professor which was intended to help the students learn how to compose a technically-correct essay.  It was to be constructed something like this:
I.  Title, which should be the primary idea of the paper.
II.  Thesis statement, the purpose of the paper and the point you plan to prove.
III.  Concrete detail (facts) and commentary (your opinion) that help to prove the thesis--which usually takes up about 3-4 pointed paragraphs.
IV.  Conclusion...a reiteration of the thesis (though stated differently) to wrap it up.

Looks pretty simple, right?  I mean there's the formula....now GO!!  Ummm....me, not so much.  I FROZE.  I became completely confused.  I could NOT wrap my head around ANY of it.  I had been writing for most of my life and now, in a class where I thought I could maybe polish my talent, learn some things of benefit in furthering this passion forward...and at onset, I felt completely lost.  I remember thinking to myself  "here I thought I was a writer and now I don't think I have the foggiest idea what the hell I have been doing...because it ISN'T this!!"  I AGONIZED over this first paper I was to write, trying to use this formula to produce what was assigned.  Many private consults with my professor would then ensue relentlessly explaining to her that I just didn't have any idea what she expected of me, or how to even wrap my head around this "USING a formula to write a paper."  I clearly remember her getting more than a little irritated with my obvious and redundant ignorance and then... my inability to find the words to give reason to why I had such a problem with it.  She ended those visits by stating  "all I can say to you...is just do the best you can."  So with deadline looming-- the night before with 5 pages of STILL unconceived essay due the next day, I had no choice but to push that "formula" aside and do it the way I had become accustomed.   I conjured up an idea, put it to paper...5 pages...DONE, turned in, one stress alleviated.

The day we received our essays back in class, she explained that not all of them had been graded, so if some of us didn't get ours back, this was the reason--no biggie.  They were in a pile on her desk and we were to go through them and find ours and take it.  I came back empty-handed....though as I gazed around the classroom, it seemed that I was the ONLY one who hadn't gotten mine back...and panic set in, I began to sweat, my heart began racing, and the initial agony that I had experienced trying to understand what she expected of me before I wrote the essay seemed like nothing compared to the sheer terror I was feeling now, as I couldn't help but think..."I bombed it...it's that simple, there could be no other explanation for this."...My heart then began to sink as I suffered with the realization that what I thought I had been doing all these years was not "writing"...it was just nothing.  Worse than that...I had attached my entire being and purpose to this pen-to-paper, or fingers-to-keys...and now, I sit in this sinking feeling that I had completely disillusioned myself...and now add embarrassment, humiliation, and just wanting to run out of that classroom and never go back.  I sat there the entire class steeping in my failure, red-faced, sweaty-palmed, and mind racing.  The seat-time came and went without barely a notice from me.  I just wanted out.  I believe that I was not only the FIRST person to realize class was dismissed, but I think I actually prophesied the precise moment of its ending.  I grabbed my books, and began heading for the door with the rest of my classmates  behind me...when she raised her voice and spoke "Ms. (real name inserted here)!" I FROZE...my shoulders sank, any moisture in my mouth completely evaporated, and my knees felt suddenly unable to support the heaviness of my body.  "Ms. ________, do you have a minute?"  My eyes closed, my face turned upward toward the ceiling....the feeling of deflation surrender I felt was something I'd never felt before, nor since.  I spun around slowly as all of my classmates passed around me to leave, and said "yes ma'am, I do."  "Please come here and take a seat, I'd like to speak to you about your essay."  As I approached the chair, (I can still bring to the surface that palpable feeling of complete defeat).  She began to talk...I didn't know if I wanted to listen or if I even could at that point...here it comes...."You are one EXCELLENT writer, little girl--here is your paper.  I wanted to give it to you personally because I knew how anxious you were about understanding the technical aspects of writing an essay, and I see that you figured it out."  I wanted to just faint!!  Wait a minute, did I just hear what I thought I heard....I was ELATED and COMPLETELY DUMBFOUNDED at the same time.  I confessed..."I didn't use the outline, I threw it aside and just wrote the paper the way I would write it in order to just get it done."  She then retrieved a copy of the technical outline, set it against my essay...and much to my surprise...ALL OF THOSE TECHNICAL ELEMENTS were contained within it.  <----THIS is the epitome of "The Sublime" in which Longinus speaks in his "critique dissertation"--it is a KNOWING that cannot be taught...and it is what he deems to be a most prolific substance contained within certain writers which somehow mysteriously propels them to "write for antiquity."  Below are some excerpts from "On the Sublime" that took me back to this college comp incident.

[The first question which presents itself for solution is whether there is any art which can teach sublimity or loftiness in writing. For some hold generally that there is mere delusion in attempting to reduce such subjects to technical rules. “The Sublime,” they tell us, “is born in a man, and not to be acquired by instruction; genius is the only master who can teach it. The vigorous products of nature” (such is their view) “are weakened and in every respect debased, when robbed of their flesh and blood by frigid technicalities.” 2But I maintain that the truth can be shown to stand otherwise in this matter. Let us look at the case in this way; Nature in her loftier and more passionate moods, while detesting all appearance of restraint, is not 4wont to show herself utterly wayward and reckless; and though in all cases the vital informing principle is derived from her, yet to determine the right degree and the right moment, and to contribute the precision of practice and experience, is the peculiar province of scientific method.

Then, again (and this is the most important point of all), a writer can only learn from art when he is to abandon himself to the direction of his genius.]

There are many more points made in this dissertation that make me feel supported and understood in what I have always perceived to be "writing."  They illuminated some of the mystery for me as well as lit that fire under my butt to stop being my own worst critic, to stop worrying so much about "polish,"and to love and embrace my innate proclivity toward "lofty thought"-- and with reckless abandon, allow it to take me where it will, ignite my intellect which waits to be beckoned and trust that these two elements of my gift will not lead me down an ungrounded path but intrinsically work with one another to rather potentiate the work to it's own perfection...not my image of it.  Moreover, it is so fitting and so true to form that I would receive such wisdom from a since extinguished physical presence, but a voice everlasting through literature.  

MY REVELATION:  What this ancient literary inscription provided to me was the reason why this technical formula so confounded me when it was to "come before."  It was asking me to UNLEARN everything I already knew, but had NEVER BEEN TAUGHT and then reteach it to me backwards!!  The only time "headiness" comes into the picture for me is during revision.  During my intent to write, my first consideration is destination.  However, while engaged in the process, it seems effortless as the concept of "destination" becomes a rather loose and non-fixated component, as I (unbeknownst to myself) grant the direction freedom to unfold to eventually find me there.  "Thinking" it into existence doesn't work for me.  When I'm finished, I then take time to look over my transitions, use of language, and scan for polished streamline final product--and usually with only a few "tweaks" in arrangement and delivery, much to my surprise-- it is already in there.  What I find is that it flows, ties together, and that "knot" it creates is the end to the beginning.  So Longinus (or whatever your real name is)...From the inside, outside, top and bottom of my heart...I thank you.   I would have joyfully chucked any promise made to me by any modern-day educational institution guaranteeing my success in the world of writing literature to have been born in a time where I could  be in the same room with you, listening to you speak these words now set to paper while experiencing the presence and exuberant passion behind them.  Thank God for books and those treasures buried deep inside of them that stand the test of time!!

So on I trudge into a most epic adventure in the literary world.  The only baggage I pack for my journey is a lighter sense of dignity and belief in my voice.  I've done away with all of the heavy, hard to carry stuff, such as the mental downplay of my abilities and attitude of self-defeat.  As I believe that we, ourselves, bring about the manifestation of our most pure and contributory intentions---my book will be on shelves within the next two years.  I hope you will extend the irreplaceable gift of your readership to it, and that you will receive it back ten-thousand times. 

As Always...my best to you.

The Compelling Characteristic of Disenchantment

"Disenchantment, whether it is a minor disappointment or a major shock, is the signal that things are moving into transition in our lives."~ William Throsby Bridges.

Hello readers!!

I opened my post this morning with the above quote, as it was shared with me a few days ago (in a shorter version)...but more wordy or less...the same idea.  It got me thinking (as if EVERYTHING doesn't do that..lol).

In some of my past posts, I have briefly eluded to a book I've been working on...and how pain-staking it has been for me.  I noted that it seems that I grow beyond my words and that what was spoken yesterday, in some manner or another seem irrelevant today.  However, as one person who knows the struggle it has been for me to match content with context read it, he said "You always have to keep in mind (my given name inserted here)...that your "yesterday" could very well be someone else's today or tomorrow.  You are a very high-minded individual, yet, you have a great capacity for very grounded dialect.  This appeals to people.  Everyone,whether they recognize it or not, is striving to grow and improve.  The words you write come from a life you've lived, which automatically lends you credibility, which any successful author will tell you and any publishing house will back up is THE key.  Right off the bat, your personality, what is important to you, and why it is important to you shines through...don't be so hard on yourself...take a chance...you may be more than pleasantly surprised."

And so this life-long gentle nudging has built up to a prodding, bugging, every-day "work on the book."  "What are you doing with the book?"  "Wouldn't you feel completely crushed if this was your only chance to live your dream, and you missed it because you were too damn busy disbelieving in yourself and talking yourself out of it?"  "Remember how you LIVE your life...in a manner that when you die, you have no regrets?"  "Who cares if others don't believe in you or your abilities."  "What would happen if you did, didn't---if you failed or succeeded?"  <----ALL of THIS has become a RAGING war inside, coupled with the disenchantment I experience with the daily realities of my life.  This is NOT the life I had even remotely envisioned myself living.  I envisioned my life revolving around my purpose FOR it--not the drudgery of being a minion for anyone else's.   I am now receiving "hints" from the universe (laugh if you feel the need)---which are all too VERY familiar.  Those little "uncomfortable thingies" that tell me.."time to leave this" or "initiate that" or "take charge now, or suffer the fallout of someone else doing it FOR you...because whether  you resist OR comply...it is going to happen...you are only prolonging the inevitable."--AND "how many times must you be tested and always rebel due to weakness and lack of trust in yourself and your abilities only to suffer the consequence of learning the hard way?"  "It is much easier to fall upon a cushion than it is the concrete."  "Don't wait until you have to FIRST put the pieces back together once again before you can move forward...there is an open road in front of you...stop waiting for the crash...and just DRIVE!!!"  "Throw away this masochistic streak-once and for all--you have already proven your brute strength---NOW USE IT!!!!!"  Now tell me...how many of you have something like this going on?  No, I mean really?  Probably every one of us has this to some extent, don't we?

SO....I contacted my nephew (whom I have spoken to before about helping out a little bit with this book thing..lol).  Because I am a patient person...and it has been a work in progress for SO very long already, I noted to him that I really have no time line...as I know nothing ever happens until its time anyway.  This young man is so very bright and has worked as an editor...knows some ins and outs of the business...and is willing (God LOVE him) to coach me along somewhat, but advised that I procure a literary agent.  WOW!!  Like I said to him "that all sounds so involved and professional."  I had done some research in self-publishing..ebook in Kindle format with Amazon and threw that idea out to him...but I don't think he shared my enthusiasm...as the literary agent suggestion was his response to that query.

So now...I am on the search for this literary agent...though, I am making this all background noise for now--until he mulls over my ramblings and gives me his professional opinion of what I am actually accomplishing here versus what I am trying to accomplish--and how "far out" or "cohesive" my style is to the points I am trying to make.  I am not that haughty to believe on my own that I have a product that is worth picking up.  I will rely on the professionals to lend me critique...and go from there.

So I guess my message is....heed that voice of nuance...the one that whispers beneath the louder opinion of yourself, your limited view of yourself...and take these moments of disenchantment you experience and allow them to instruct you.  Envision what success---NOT THE ROAD TO IT...will feel like, smell like, taste like...how it will change your life, how you feel about yourself, and what you will do with these changes and what these changes will do FOR you.  Make it REAL...and then check the response your body has to this belief.  Does it feel less tense, less anxious, less bothered.  Is the dread replaced by excitement...and the doubt replaced by fearlessness?  Is there a voice that now says "If I could do THAT...then I can do just about anything?"  This is the vision I have of an  "exorcism"....where the "spirit of the Lord COMPELS you."  We all have a choice...we could allow disenchantment beat us down further...or we could utilize it to compel us to climb.

Anyone have any suggestions for some good climbin' shoes?

My best to you always.




  

"This Is To Be My Symphony"

Good Morning everyone!!!

Wow...I am ending a 5-day procrastination bent today as I am greeted this morning with the most beautiful sunny morning!!  Downfall of living in the Northeastern part of the states...seasonal depression!!  No matter how damn happy you seem to be going into winter, (as fall is my favorite season) you ALWAYS end up feeling somewhat detained if not completely imprisoned toward the end of it.  About this time of year though, we Nor-easterners feel obligated to help spring along a bit by doing things that probably should be done in May...lol...but we get that damn itch!!  We've been locked up inside & forced to readjust our lives to fit within a 9-10-hour block of daylight each day...it is futile!!  Nature always wins--Ha!

As you could probably assume...and maybe you don't really care all that much--if at all..I read A LOT during the winter season.  I gather information like animals gather food to get through it.  If the body is sedentary, the mind needs fuel!

I sent the forward to my book to a friend the other day, as she had posted on FB a status that got quite a bit of interest and created the thread of my dreams!!  <---well, maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration.  Thought I will say, it was quite refreshing to see someone else post their thoughts about "life" and to see that she suffered the same frustration when it came to expressing them to others without it leading to some sort of issue of debate. My biggest frustration is that the spoken/written language, as advanced and versatile as it is seems to be is really SO very limited (and limit-ING) when attempting to explain things of deeper meaning.  Those pesky language-elusive truths and anomalies of character--which I now to believe are meant to be "only for display."  Words just don't come close to paying homage to anything meaningful and try and try as we might to assign them, we always fall short.

It is my belief that in this world of "hurry up and wait" and "keeping up with the Jones'" and all of these new and shining gadgets of imperial technology, we have completely lost the most important part of our communication skills.....READING them.  It isn't about the description...it is about the display.  Technology has made "language" the foundation of all that is.  Every computer has a "language"...and every one of these devices has a "code" and more often than not...they require the use of  letters, words, & numbers to effectively use them.  Where does this leave the "unspoken language?"  I'm waiting for the first wedding to use cell-phone texting as a manner to recite vows to one another...go ahead and laugh...but it IS coming to this.

As I STRUGGLE to explain who I am, why I am the way I am, and why it is SO important to be to stay true to this essence I know so well....I stumble upon this excerpted writing.....though even in its strikingly true to ME "description", there is still a broader enigmatic force inside of me that begs to be recognized.  However, when I read this....I recognized right away a subtle bridged gap between the written word and how I know myself to view things and how my life is patterned around this view...it isn't complete by any means, but it at least gives me hope that one day, I will too be able to at least get closer to easing my frustration.  Please read on:

To live content with small means;
to seek elegance rather than luxury,
and refinement rather than fashion;
to be worthy, not respectable...and wealthy, not rich;
to study hard, think quietly, talk gently, act frankly;
to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages with open heart;
to bear all cheerfully,
do all bravely,
await occasions,
hurry never;
in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden, and unconscious
grow up through the common.
This is to be my symphony~ William Ellery/Henry Channing.

I can read this and find this expression in any number of my posts on here, in the book I am writing, my thoughts, my actions, and the words I speak.  At the end...."In a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden, and unconscious grow up through the common"  THIS is what we need...this is what we have lost...this is why there is so much misunderstanding.  Common is just common...and EVERYONE is falling all over themselves to achieve it...very few seek to be above or set themselves apart from commonality, therefore, it is barely, if at all recognized in themselves or others.

At times, I feel encased by perpetual winter...being closed in and limited, only having a few precious hours of daylight....though most of those gloomy, cold, and wet--having to take extra care to travel safely, cover up adequately to protect myself from the elements and limiting myself to the outside to avoid the discomforting chill.  However...I also realize that there is nothing out there that can compare to that which I've come to know and live by.  I wouldn't change a thing about myself, even if it meant never again being lonely, bored, or having to struggle.  I prize that display of  language which I've enabled myself learn within myself and read in others.  I believe that my education in this life has been a treasure and there is something deep down inside that reminds me often of this--despite circumstance.

I think this is why the sunshine, sounds of nature, signs of life, palette of various colors, and warmer temperatures lift my spirit so much.  The outside becomes cohesive with the inside.  The bond I've forged with nature is the ultimate bond.  It moves beyond attachment, has no need for words in exchange, and is complete in itself.  It is the epitome of refinement, elegance, and meaning.

Much love to all!!

Heralding the arrival of spring!!

Development of the Ultimate Peace Treaty

Good morning everyone.

Well, we are in the first week of March and everyone around our area is more than ready for spring.  It has been a case of textbook winter around here for sure.  Last year, I remember strolling out onto my porch throughout the winter season, enjoying 50-60 degree days, taking snapshots of the flowers that continued to bloom in my garden..no such luck this year!!  I think we have more than made up for the low water table that last year's winter created this year, and as I look out my window...it's still coming down!!  I've found it best to just accept every day for what it offers you and make the best of it.  Yeah...I daydream of waking to birds singing, curtains billowing with a soft, fragrant breeze, the warmth of the sun on my skin as I begin preparing my flower beds and pots for planting and cleaning up the yard for mowing season...the smell of fresh-cut grass, and the ground-rumbling scraping sound of the snowplows tearing through the neighborhood to be replaced with the buzzing of weed-trimmers and lawn equipment just like everyone else, but I no longer spend the valuable time I have each day searching for that greener grass...instead, I go about my days knowing that it is what it is and spring WILL come...it always does.

Anything worth having is worth working for and through:
A.  I purchased a wood stove insert for my fireplace to turn an inefficient source of heat into an efficient one.  On  one hand...it is one of the best investments I've made, BUT it isn't without a lot of hard, heavy work, mess, and going out into freezing temperatures several times a day to bring the heat indoors.  However, this first burning season, my wood was completely free and I saved 1/2 of what I would have spent on propane to get through the winter--excellent way to kick off the first season using it..however, from here on out...it will have to be purchased...though STILL at a savings of what I would spend to heat the entire house with propane.  So, nothing is entirely free...you see, though I have already paid for this unit with the money saved in heating costs the first year using it!!  Was I sure of any of this when I made the decision to dole out the remainder of any savings I had to my name last fall?  No.  Purely a leap of faith....that manifested to answered prayer & a satisfied hope.

B.  This time last year, I was in fear of losing my home.  As I looked to the future, desperately searching for employment for 3 months, I saw no positive outcome--though one did arrive, no matter how much I tried to convince myself..it wasn't gonna happen and I sit here in the sanctity and solace of what I term "my sacred space" typing away in my blog, more than a year later with quite a different attitude.  I now can look back and say "it has NOT been easy...BUT, I've managed to care for, pay for, and maintain this place on my own for the past 2 years.  Many dollars, countless hours, much labor-intensive time...but she still stands...stronger than ever with one set of hands, one mind, and a heart completely enamored by her beauty and value.  It is a relationship I have going with this place...it isn't about real-estate value, or the love of the material...it is a series of give and take.  To me, everything I put into my home, she gives back.  For all of the active time spent cleaning, raking, mowing, and puttering around, and money spent, there is the quiet time spent smiling in my heart as I look at how she shines when she is pampered up a bit.  The saying "you get what you give" applies to inanimate objects as well...it is all about perspective.  When you throw ALL of yourself into something....anything...it becomes an inseparable part of you--yet another mirror...another manner for which to present yourself and for others to truly know you.  Having a "nice house" is not my thing..having a warm and welcoming home is.

C.  My tenants of 4 years in my attached 2-bedroom rental unit moved out last month.  My immediate response to the news that they were leaving---PANIC...and I'm talking like a switch--it was that fast.  My mind immediately went to how long it took each time it became vacant to get it occupied once again...at least a couple of months...it was winter...I am only working part-time and am dependent upon that income (even though half of it goes right back into the place during the winter months)...but still.  I wasted no time advertising it..on every venue I could possibly think of..other than the area newspaper--you get too many weed-outs that way, and I didn't have the time for that!!  The response was tremendous...my panic dissolved.  A young girl that I work with had been looking for a place...and I had mentioned a two-unit, completely remodeled inside and out place down the street from me...both beautiful places...a couple of months earlier.  She had gone to look at them and decided that she didn't want to drive all that way as her little boy was enrolled in school in the adjoining town where she also worked.  When my place came available, I didn't even think about mentioning it to her...because after all, it is even further away from town than the places she looked at... albeit, only a few houses--but that was her reason...so I figured she was out of the question.  She saw my advertisement and contacted me...came up and looked at it (while my tenants were still there) and immediately snapped it up.  Crisis #1 averted.  Onto crisis 2, 3, 4...etc... The tenants left the place a deplorable mess and the odor was just unbearable.  They left one of the doors wide open to the winter cold and used 10% of the propane that I PROVIDE in less than 8 hours (which is usually a weeks-worth).  She and I spent every free minute we had...along with my daughter over there cleaning, painting, repairing...and more than two weeks later...it is STILL a work in progress.  The damages were beyond normal wear and tear and I kept their security deposit...which doesn't even cover the cost of the repairs that need to be made, the time we spent intensely cleaning...to get it ready for even occupiable readiness.  There was the discovery when the priors turned off the electric that  #1.  They had run up quite a hefty bill with the electric company that made it a major pain in the ass for my new tenant to get it turned on in her name, as she had to send all kinds of proof that she wasn't turning it back on for THEM and #2.  That the boiler system and lights in the basement were wired into the rental's breaker box...oh joy!!  Another expense!!  Then...there was a water leak--and not a little one-- from the spigots of the washer hook-up AND the main shut offs to those were so corroded, they wouldn't turn either way...so both shut-offs had to be replaced as well as the spigots with new ones with a shut off there.  Then, as my tenant spent her first night there...she turned the light on in the bedroom and heard a loud "pop"...and she had no electricity in the bedroom or bathroom...the culprit...a completely damaged and broken outlet that just fell out when the cover was screwed off of it...and another headache.

Bear with me...I have a very good reason for rambling on about my recent trials and tribulations people---and here it is:  THROUGHOUT this entire time, I have depleted my money to the point of not having enough to make my March house payment...let alone the other half of my bills...I've doled out money as if I have an endless reservoir, AND have plans to spend more of this nonexistent resource...as if I do.  I have never felt so at peace and so unruffled by negative circumstance in my life.  The last time I felt the least bit stressed was when I got the news that my tenants were moving out--and that only lasted for about 10 minutes..no lie.  The enormous response of interest quickly laid that to rest...but it was my new tenant, who ended up contacting ME when I wasn't even going to consider telling her that was really instrumental in completely changing (for good) my perspective on those bothersome little circumstances that would like to completely negate my best intentions and positive outlook.  It was at that very point that I relied on what makes me who I am...my manner of reflective thinking.  This caused me to say to myself:  "I don't know why I EVER stress or panic about anything...because throughout my ENTIRE LIFE...any fear I ever had was short-lived and replaced by an even better scenario than I could imagine anyways."  It made me really think and therefore solidify in my everyday life that this thing called "worry" was a step in any process that could be TOTALLY eliminated, because it was a waste of time and energy.  It took all of one day to retrain my mind...and I really had nothing to do with it as far as an active process went.  It just happened...

Throughout all of the mountains that appeared out of nowhere...resources spent that I didn't have...I have NEVER in my life felt so much at peace and so very contented.  I don't think I could be any happier, more self-assured, or more hopeful for what each day brings, until of course, today turns into tomorrow.

I have finally found my peace...my truest, most pure peace...and I've realized that it was built upon the strongest of faith, my propensity to dig to the lesson each trial has been put in place to teach me, and to accept the growth and wisdom it offered so that I could come to that day where I finally "recognized" the pattern it drew for me.  At 48...some may say I was a stubborn student...and I even laugh at myself for that reason, but for everything under Heaven, there is a time.  I have no regret...I have nothing of myself to forgive, and I just sit back and enjoy the universe's sense of ironic humor (it is ALWAYS ironic) and wake each day feeling grateful that I have another day to squeeze the most life out of.

What matters to you?  Look at the thing that takes the most from you...consumes most of your drive...sometimes to the point of exasperation...but always gives you a return.  You'll have your answer.  Your energy and the attitude that encompasses it and the intention that gives birth to it is most instrumental in the manifestation of outcome.  I no longer best-case/worst-case anything,  as I've FINALLY learned, it takes care of itself.  What I DO focus on is my attitude..if I live like I already have it...in other words..my intention is TO have it...my actions are in line with getting it, maintaining it, counting on it...then it already IS at its conception--circumstance is OUTER, weaker, and more inconsistent.  Will is inner, stronger, and unyielding to circumstance.  Whatever will be...will be and I don't know 'bout ya'll...but I would rather set myself up for success.  In this life...money and time are of no consequence to success...intention and attitude are where its at!  Money will come and go and time will pass anyway...

"Therefore, I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask..believe you have received them and they will be granted you." Mark 11:24

"The preparations of the heart in man (intention) and the answer (outcome) of the tongue is from the Lord.    All the ways of a man are clean in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirit (the intent/the truth).  Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.  <---this one right here is a complete explanation of all that I have written.  Let go of worry and look back at all of the times you worried needlessly in the past to end up at an outcome that was favorable...and your thoughts from that point will be directed AWAY from worry...seemingly all by themselves.  Let the universe take care of the circumstance...you hold steadfast to the initial intention...if it be pure and conceived in a spirit of contribution..blessings will abound.

I wish for everyone a great day and an appreciation for every minute of it.

Because I Can..

Hi everyone!!

It has been quite the cold snap for our region the last few days...but at least the sun is shining, so it keeps the spirits up while your hunkered down in to avoid frostbite!!

I wanted to jump on here for a little bit today because last night at work, I had a conversation with a young man during a smoke break that really brought to light a sort of self-defeating attitude or excuse to not try, not execute your best YOU.  It really got me thinking about how prevalent this attitude is in our society.

Are we that HINGED to outer validation that we would place ourselves in a position of expecting the very least of ourselves as okay?  And WHY would we take the "initiative of others" into ANY account whatsoever as a measure of our own?  I just don't GET that.  What he said to me was something  I have heard this SO MANY TIMES from SO MANY PEOPLE before and it is SUCH a common complaint...but for some reason, THIS TIME, it spurred me into "wisdom mode"

His statement:  "Yeah, I don't even care anymore.  Why should I bust my ass when I see everyone else slacking...we get paid the same---you remember when I first started here how I used to MOVE and work my ass off...but I notice everyone else just standing around, so why should I pull their weight?"

My response:  Because YOU were hired to do a job.  Because YOU are more concerned with the preservation of YOUR dignity than someone else is of theirs?  Because what everyone else does or doesn't do has nothing to do with YOUR work ethic?  Or maybe because you EXPECT MORE OF YOURSELF than the half-assed job you perceive everyone else to be doing.  Or perhaps, your character is yours to build, uphold, and prize.

Why do so many use other people's shortcomings to justify their own...because there is power in numbers and it gives YOU a better excuse?  When I started there, my mindset was totally opposite of this.  I observed others...only as a compass to learn the pace and build a system of my own that would help me to become MORE efficient.  I have no desire to compare myself to anyone else OR compete with them.  I go into my job with a "I'm gonna kill this shift" attitude....and it is NOT to gain any kind of recognition, but simply so I can sleep at night.  lol.

WHY would anyone LIMIT their capabilities just to fit into a norm?  I don't want to fit in...especially if it means DUMBING myself down.  I would rather stand out...however, that isn't even my reason.

I believe that everyone is destined for greatness...however, I think we need to step out of our own way sometimes in order to achieve it.  Speaking for myself, I get frustrated when I feel I am in a position where I CANNOT execute all that I am capable of.  It has nothing to do with recognition or accolades from onlookers.  It has to do with some code that seems to be hard-wired into me, I guess.

Someday, just LISTEN.  Its no wonder the ratio of success is in such disproportion to the innumerable possibilities.  The "MAN' ain't holding us down...we're holding ourselves down with all of this "I'm not doing any more than anyone else is doing...why should I?  How about because YOU CAN.  I'm beginning to see this "because I can" thing more as a defeatist proposition to get OUT of doing....than the push for success it should be used for.

To be honest, I think my response hit a chord with this young man.  He stood speechless for a moment (most-likely because he was stunned that he wasn't going to lead me into this mentality along with him and agree)..but then...his face brightened up a bit and he said "ya know what, you're right...I guess I never really looked at it that way before."

Although it made me happy that I could lend this young man a more positive perspective, it also made me sad that "he never thought about it that way before."  We really need to instill in our children their value.  If they value themselves, they view everything they do, say, and the way they behave as an outer display OF that value and when it is strong, it doesn't waver in the midst of conflicting influence.  The most important thing you can do in this life is be and stay true to yourself--DESPITE what everyone around you is doing.

End of story.

Good day!!