Years add wisdom, difficulties build strength, love moves mountains, tears nourish growth, dreams reveal purpose, character buries superficiality...Truth IS.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

The storm not weathered is never-ending...

Good morning to all!!

For some reason, I find a need to blog on Sundays...so I guess that if you don't hear from me much during the week, you can always count on a "Sunday sermon" LOL.

First off, I would like to extend my thoughts and prayers to those effected by this terrible hurricane...and the ones yet to be effected. Preparation can be the key to survival...please be safe and be careful!! While at work last night, I would peek at the TV screen here and there and got this gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach when they were showing Irene and her path...she is a big one to be sure...and I don't think I would be messing with her nor underestimating her power...seek safe shelter, because anything material you may lose, you can replace and rebuild...it is the universal cycle...and unfortunately, there are times when the forces of nature will not be reckoned with and we are at her mercy.

So I guess I will make this storm the basis of my blog today, try to give some useful philisophical insight on how this subject matter can really speak to us in every day life...and we shall see how well I do with it...

"The calm before, the devastation/fear/panic during, and the destruction/devastation after, the period of mourning...and THEN, the period of "reconstruction." Are you following me so far? Some storms seem to spring from out of nowhere, when we least expect them and they catch us at our most vulnerable state. We are forced to think on our feet in a hasty manner, panic ensues, and it happens SO fast, that there is no time to even gather a thought let alone think about having one...you just DO, sometimes without even thinking at all...fight or flight..natural response. Then there are those storms that are "slow moving" or that spawn smaller storms and release them as they go, and while one area is attempting to rebuild, the next is being hit..and before you know it, it is a tragedy of epic proportion...and in this as well, even though it is slower moving, there is time to prepare, and you have TIME to gather your thoughts and sketch out a mental plan, these storms are unpredictable but relentless and their slow pace tends to wear us down. So which is the better scenario, confusion and chaos at onset, or TIME to create MORE confusion and chaos by questioning predictability, what-ifs, how-abouts, and whys?

In either case, mistakes WILL be made, things WILL be lost, mourning WILL inevitably happen, and alas, rebuilding a given. Which of these two storms cause the most damage? No one can be certain...and it is useless to sit and ponder...it causes what it causes and you DEAL with the damage at hand...when it is all said and done, THAT is where the rubber hits the road. Sometimes the amount of preparation just NEVER prepares you for what the storm brings and what it leaves behind.

So I guess what I am trying to say here is whether prepared or not, it is IMPERATIVE that you BE PRESENT, see and feel all that goes on around you and inside of you, BE it, become the mind of it, the heart of it, the loss of it..it will guide you in the processes to come...the mourning of the loss and the rebuilding of your life. Which will bring GAIN of wisdom, faith, hope, and apppreciation, strength and prosperity. To not be present is a detriment to the entire process..hiding, running, avoiding, self-medicating, thinking and NOT doing are the very things that produce more storms along the way, or keep the main storm's epicenter swirling, and the slow methodical circlular nature of it tearing into every inch of land still left to devastate.

There WILL BE relief, there WILL be redemption, there WILL be life.

Blessings to all who have weathered the storms and have found themselves back at ONE.

Prayers extended:
"Father God, Today I am afraid. I look around me at this world that is changing so fast and I feel lost like a small boat in the midst of a storm. I am not built to weather the battering waves or the howling wind. So I wait now in your presence. You spoke the oceans and the four winds into being. You threw the stars in the sky and separated the sea from dry land. You took the hand of Peter who was sinking into the depths of the water and walked him to safety. I choose now to fix my eyes on you and not on the storm. I settle my heart on your love and not on the current that threatens to pull me under. Thank you that you are my firm anchor even through the darkest night, Amen."

"Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever remains to them?"~Rose Kennedy.

"Faith is not simply a patience that passively suffers until the storm is past. Rather, it is a spirit that bears things - with resignations, yes, but above all, with blazing, serene hope."~Corazon Aquino.

"God moves in a mysterious way, His wonders to perform. He plants his footsteps in the sea, and rides upon the storm."~William Cowper.

"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."~Mohandas Gandhi











Thursday, August 25, 2011

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep..."

Good morning friends!!

Again, another small respite from my blog. I have been SO busy learning new things and taking time to enjoy the company that surrounds me at any given time. First of all, I need to say a hearfelt "thank-you" to all of my friends and loved ones who have come out of the woodwork (some I haven't really been in a whole lot of contact with in YEARS even) to show love, encouragement, and support and to share a laugh with me. It is very humbling for me and it makes me smile and sometimes cry out of gratitude. I never really realized, I guess, that people saw me the way they see me...but I am finding that they see me the way I sorta see myself..and this blesses me, encourages me, and makes me feel like I am making some sort of difference and the return of their compassion and concern for me has made all the difference to me as well. Again, thank you SOOO very much!

In my most recent struggle, I have mentioned before that doors were opening for me and opportunities were splayed right out in front of me almost at every turn...but at the same time, I have also been exposed to to circumstances that coin the saying "no matter how bad you think you have it, there is always someone worse off than you." Funny, whenever circumstances throw in my path the need for self "rehab", I encounter (out of the blue) someone else who has a struggle going on that I cannot even fathom happening to me and these are things I have NEVER experienced before and wouldn't ever want to--devastating loss of epic proportion. The best way to put your troubles behind you is to be of some sort of service to others in theirs. This is HUMANITY, HUMILITY, and selflessness. These are the character traits of God. I was given, and NOW, it is my turn to GIVE back. I feel so fortunate to be attuned to this universal language of love and everything starts with ONE.

EMPATHY is the gateway to UNDERSTANDING. Without it, we are only a body governed by a mind. Our level of understanding and emotional intelligence is rendered to nothing more than TACTIC. When science can dissect our body's organs to the micro-molecular level and identify our soul and our conscience, then I will believe that we were put here for nothing more than to satisfy ourselves to gluttony. Until that time...I am believing in something MUCH bigger, more complex, and omnipotent. THIS is what truly separates us...those with and those without, those who do and those who do not.

With that being said...my heart goes out to you Michelle, Nancy, Susan, and Tina. Thank you for extending to me a peek inside of your courage and your positive attitude in the midst of such loss...you are ALL very inspirational to me. You have shown me that my "percieved struggle" is minute, if not even nonexistant in comparison.

“If you wish to experience peace, provide peace for another.”~ Dalai Lama

"Wisdom ceases to be wisdom when it becomes too proud to weep, too grave to laugh, and too selfish to seek other than itself.”~ Kahlil Gibran

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” ~ Kahlil Gibran

“Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh, and the greatness which does not bow before children.” ~
Kahlil Gibran

Today, LISTEN to someone EVEN IF they don't bid your attention.

Much love..










Thursday, August 18, 2011

I am found....

Blessings everyone!!!

Today, I am SOOOOO excited. This post is not going to be long today (whew, right?) Yesterday was the BEST day EVER!! I have been feeling very confident in some decisions I have made lately and I have just let go of the worry (thanks in part to this blog) as it has allowed me to get rid of a lot that I have kept stored for sooo long. From there, my days have been spent being grateful. The knots in my stomach are gone. The constant feeling that something isn't quite right are gone..I wake in the morning with a fresh perspective and a clear conscience...and OMG...I have forgotten how GOOD that feels. I did have a couple of concerns; however, though I didn't let them beat me down...and out of nowhere, yesterday, BOTH of these concerns were just taken care of...when doors open for you BEFORE you even knock, you gotta know that there is something out there pullin' for ya, watchin' over ya, and letting you know that you are on the right track...I look at them as rewards but they in NO WAY go unappreciated. When you redirect your faith...WOW, shit just happens! That is all I had to do, but that is not to say that there isn't going to be hard work to keep these "rewards"...because they both demand that, but I look at it as doing my part to keep what I have been given and to take care of it the best I can. I had a couple small bumps in this road, but they at NO time have taken precedence in my mind over my quest for peace and happiness, and they as well, have been taken care of FOR me. Thank GOD for good friends and family, that's all I gotta say...I cherish (probably more now than ever before) what I have been blessed with, and I KNOW there is something out there that wants me to KEEP it....all of it. I am looking forward to my next surprise with anticipation...it's been so long. It feels WONDERFUL.

Where your energy is being wasted....redirect it...and see what happens. It has been a God-send to me.

Best Wishes to all..enjoy your day!!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Rules of Engagement...

Hi folks...

Sitting at the kitchen island drinking my coffee, adding some more nails to the coffin, scrolling FB, and reading my horoscope for the day (yes, I do this)..what it said was so true of my personality...I am one of the most creative signs and when I don't direct my energies toward something creative, my predisposition is to WORRY. It said to find an outlet for my creativity when I begin to feel this way....ha! Thus, this blog--or any writing really. Writing is my salvation, always has been. I have often said and truly believe (of myself anyway) that my very BEST writing comes in the midst of the worst pain...the deeper the pain, the easier it is to produce a great work. I am also a big person on quotes and I read them daily, as I am very methaphoically-minded and philisophical, so anything written in this context interests me, as it hits me where I live. I think I remember reading somewhere (and I cannot remember who it was now) but another author had said the same thing, that his greatest works on paper had come from his deepest despair. It sort of makes you think if it is this way with everyone and their creative talents. Are they primarily an outlet? I don't know, can only speak for myself and can only gauge and sensor myself. Interesting thought tho for sure. I think about Michelangelo when he was asked to paint the cistine chapel..he didn't want to do it as he was a "sculptor" not a painter...but because he had made a commitment to do so, he finished, but he HATED it the entire time and could not WAIT to get it finished. I look at that incredible work and think, this is probably the work that is most attached to him and probably says the most about him...but if his heart wasn't in it...does it still have the same meaning to HIM? Is he proud of this? Was he thinking as he walked away from it..."thank God I am finished with this rag?...or was there somewhere inside of him that took over during the arduous days, months, and ultimately 4 years it took to accomplish it. History dictates that he weathered mold, dampness, and all kinds of unforeseeable obstacles while painting it, and was ill to the point of having last rites delivered during this work. He complained incessantly about the project, but he finished and it is probably the MOST breathtaking piece of art I have ever seen (and hope to see in person before I take the dirt nap). But how did HE feel about it? This, I don't think we will ever know. We can only speculate.
We all have our reasons why we do ANYTHING. The reason that sticks out in most cases, is because WE WANT TO or WE CAN. In the case of Michelangelo, he didn't really want to, wasn't really sure if he could...and maybe he did it for the simple reason that he said he would. Was it nothing more than a case of following through with something you commit yourself to do? I would like to think that when he walked away from this project, he stepped back and said.."Wow, ya know, I didn't know I had it in me, but how beautiful is that, and felt a sense of pride in himself that he had actually completed something that before that 4 years, he had never put his hand to before, and that more importantly, he walked away with his head held high, integrity intact, and his character preserved. I would like to think that these frescoes had changed his perspective on his creative ability..that he saw it now as EXPANSIVE and without limit and that his heart and soul were speaking through a medium for which his mind was totally uninterested in. I would like to think that this was his time of true communion with God, that God had shared a special secret with him that God had given him permission to share with the world....without him even knowing it at the time. Amen means "secret"...and it is said that when doing things "don't let your left hand know what the right is doing" and in this, I would like to believe that THIS work came straight from a source completely unconcievable to the mind. He took a step of faith...and in it, produced THE most recognized, emulated, and admired work of his life.

This life is full of challenge, are we up for it or do we bow out, let ourselves down, second-guess our capabilities, break our promises, and WORRY. Is our mindset about having what we want, or wanting what we have? Do we blow our insecurities out of proportion and allow ourselves to keep part of ourselves from even functioning? Are what we say and what we do in harmony or at constant odds? Think about this artist, and even read about what he went through in his mind, heart, soul, and body, and all the obstacles that were inadvertently in the way of his accomplising this project...and THEN...LOOK AT IT, really look at it...IT IS FINISHED.
"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." ~Mark Twain

"It is not the oath that makes us believe the man, but the man the oath." ~Aeschylus

"When a man takes an oath... he's holding his own self in his own hands. Like water. And if he opens his fingers then - he needn't hope to find himself again." ~Robert Bolt

Much love to all...
Raina <3

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

"You do not support the root...but the root supports you..."

Hi everyone!!

This morning, I would like to talk a bit about faith, leaning on it and how it eventually pays off.

Last nite, I sat quietly in my living room, my daughter SO excited to see her boyfriend who has been visiting family in Florida who will be coming to see her soon. She sat in the kitchen listening to music and texting him. As I sat in my living room, my attention was drawn to a tapestry my son had gotten me for Christmas that hangs on the wall in there...it is part of Michelangelo's "Creation of Adam"...just the outstretched arms and hands...I stared at that picture as if I hadn't really noticed it before, and then as if there was something missing there that I hadn't seen..I just sat and stared at it as thoughts of answered prayer were abounding in my mind...then for a minute, I thought about my kids and how happy they are in their personal lives with their "mates" and how my daughters are treated by their boyfriends, and the bright radiance of their faces when thier "men" are in their company, and I smiled. I think about how the "I'm sorry, I'm a man" excuse was never used by my son...how morally stringent he is when it comes to promises he makes to his girlfriend...even during tough times, he would never disrespect her in any way behind her back...there are no secrets, no lies...he is very hard working (he is a little rough around the edges...not gonna lie), but he is SO good to his mother and his sisters and would DO ANYTHING for anyone who needs his help...I have actually seen him OFFER to strangers because he SENSED a need. This AGAIN, made me smile. It is every parent's wish that they can provide for their own children what they didn't have...and as I step back and look, THEY HAVE EVERYTHING they need...and lately, all that I didn't have....everything that is important....self respect, respect for others, a screaming sense of humor, and you know what...they ALL LOVE their momma so much and there is NOTHING in my life that I love more than them. I see all of this love encircling me right now...my tenants are truly inspirational, very young, very much in love, just welcomed a product of that love into the world last week...I am surrounded by the most positive and beautiful energy right now and last nite, as I stared at my tapestry, it enveloped me and I realized that I had once again been reacquainted with faith. I have been so BUSY trying to do God's job in my life, that I have not rested in my faith. I have learned a very hard lesson here which is: When you worry, when you become anxious about what the day is going to bring, when you put all of YOUR energy into changing things, you do not REST....and then you PRAY for rest, you pray for peace, but you do it in a way that helps YOUR cause. But what I have realized is that if you take a damn break for just a MINUTE, and ALLOW your prayer to be answered, surrender your cause for just a split second in time...you will realize when the reigns are taken from you, you WILL GET what you ask for, it just may not go in accord with WHAT you WANTED. Big picture here is you will get what you need...PEACE, but you ain't gonna necessarily get all the "accessories" that go with it...and adding all these accessories to the main objective is what happens AFTER you get the main objective. I was dwelling on the accessories and had no main part to plug them into yet...I wanted it all, but sometimes, that is not meant to be, sometimes, we have to make ROOM in that closet for this new objective and all it's new accessories..we need to get RID of the obstacles to peace and ALLOW it to enter FIRST before we can begin adding to it. WOW! Where there is faith, there is peace, where there is peace there is strength, where there is strength there is capability, and where there is capability, there is creativity, and where there is creativity, you will find GOD and GOD in YOU.

I have finally gotten my peace, I have finally felt the LOVE because I have ALLOWED it to happen and now I sit breathing easy, refueling, and SO THANKFUL for what I have. I have been reminded of the life I have been given, of what I have believed, and the manifestation of that is ALL AROUND me right now...and I don't WANT what I don't have anymore...I am too busy appreciating and reveling in what I DO HAVE, and that faith WILL move mountains for me and I am not even CONCERNED right now about ordering all the accessories...I am going to allow them to be gifted to me and just be happy that I have the thing that OPERATES all the other stuff. It'll come, as long as I don't try to stiff-arm it into fruition. I am SO LOVED and I am ashamed I lost track of that while locked into my mission. But I am positive that I am KNOWN and that it is also KNOWN that my heart has ALWAYS been in the right place...I forgive myself and move on. After all, this entire time, all I did was punish myself...and I have learned. My ass will be sore for a little while from this whippin'...a constant reminder...spare the rod/spoil the child. Tears form in my eyes, but they are not cried over anything I may "percieve" to have lost, but more of shame for leaving myself behind like that for so long...busying myself with "fixing" problems I had no control over fixing to begin with. Everyone has to SEE and FEEL the love around them before any changes that will STICK are to take place.

LET GO...you'll be amazed what happens when you do..

“When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly” ~Patrick Overton.

"Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time.” ~Oswald Chambers.

“Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances.”~Mahatma Gandhi.

“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.”
Jimi Hendrix

Good day all! :)

Signing today...
CONTENT

Monday, August 15, 2011

And for everything, there is a season....and this too shall pass....

Good morning!

I've not posted in a while (again)...needed to wait until emotions dissipated a bit to gain perspective before I would attempt to put anything in writing. I friend told me "let your feelings subside, then decide." Very good advice..and I have found that really, in the midst of them and now on the other side of them...the decision stays the same..so it is meant to be. I've also learned that posting while enveloped in raw feelings doesn't shed the brightest light upon me and then I have to retract...so this time...got the feelings sorted out first so that I can just sort of spill the residual on this blog that has become an outlet for what I have been screaming from underneath perhaps most of my life...that what I say matters, that what I think matters, that what I dream matters...and that this goes for EVERYONE, not just me. It seems such a shame to have to feel you have to scream this from the rooftops and HOPE that someone cares enough to at least understand.

I am one who has to make sure that I have done everything I possibly can to hold on to something that means something to me for the simple reason that IT MEANS SOMETHING TO ME. Although I have realized that some things cannot be harnessed, cannot be held, cannot be counted on, even if you are made to believe they can. When you find your mind working overtime on finding TRUTH and your body is drained from the vibes that there is something being hidden from you, and you are explaining ad nauseum to people the concept of morally right and wrong, principle, and why you shouldn't lie...your life becomes an endless tornado, picking up debris and throwing it wherever it goes and leaving nothing but destruction behind. Today, I choose to breathe. I choose to look forward. I choose to chase my dreams. I choose most of all to be happy...which is something I have been terrified of for a very long time. I will not seek it, as I have decided to let the "proactivity" rest a bit..you should not EVER fight for things that are your God-given right to have. You shouldn't ever have to explain to someone how to treat people, and you should never EVER have to make a complete ass out of yourself because of what you are led to believe by someone who is only using the love you feel so deeply for them to inadvertently allow you to damage yourself, your reputation, and who you are proud to have become...in other words, completely destroy yourself so they can appear to be YOUR saving grace.

I have only one regret in my life and that I will not devulge, it is mine and I will keep it until I can let it go. However, I have never been one to live there, but I visit from time to time...it is good exercise for the character. I know; however, that it is already going away a lot quicker than I thought as it has been replaced by the realization of WHAT I HAVE, what I have achieved, and what (THANK GOD) I have left. I have breath in my body, I have children who everyday inspire me, I have new life all around me (my kitty had babies last week and my tenants had their first child last week as well)...life is precious. It is meant to LIVE not FIGHT for, and you should never feel as though you are put in a position to choose between WHO you are and those beliefs that have gotten you there and PEACE...it will NEVER work, trust me. Everything in ACCORD. Anything outside of the romance that takes place when you love and respect yourself is detrimental. When someone else's lies begin to allow you to lie to yourself, and you find you are destroying your own character based upon what you are made to believe...you are in a toxic situation...it is not healthy.

People who LOVE you will not tear you down or allow you to do it to yourself so that they can "by proxy" make themselves look upstanding. They will not lie to you, keep secrets from you, they will not attach their own identity to YOURS because they are too cowardly to do the inner work themselves, and they will NOT claim any credit for what YOU YOURSELF have done in your life. When someone loves you, they will SHARE all things, lift you up, admire your qualities, brag about you and your accomplishments, give you wings, and be content to watch you fly...and feel blessed to be close to such a force of LOVE.

As I have stated before, I learn the HARD way...but the good thing is I STILL LEARN!!

Much love and positive vibes to you all...I encourage you all to be the best you can be FIRST for yourself and recognize if there may be someone who seems to be stealing it from you before you can even achieve...it is much easier and cost-effective to prevent than it is to rebuild!