Rules of Engagement...

Hi folks...

Sitting at the kitchen island drinking my coffee, adding some more nails to the coffin, scrolling FB, and reading my horoscope for the day (yes, I do this)..what it said was so true of my personality...I am one of the most creative signs and when I don't direct my energies toward something creative, my predisposition is to WORRY. It said to find an outlet for my creativity when I begin to feel this way....ha! Thus, this blog--or any writing really. Writing is my salvation, always has been. I have often said and truly believe (of myself anyway) that my very BEST writing comes in the midst of the worst pain...the deeper the pain, the easier it is to produce a great work. I am also a big person on quotes and I read them daily, as I am very methaphoically-minded and philisophical, so anything written in this context interests me, as it hits me where I live. I think I remember reading somewhere (and I cannot remember who it was now) but another author had said the same thing, that his greatest works on paper had come from his deepest despair. It sort of makes you think if it is this way with everyone and their creative talents. Are they primarily an outlet? I don't know, can only speak for myself and can only gauge and sensor myself. Interesting thought tho for sure. I think about Michelangelo when he was asked to paint the cistine chapel..he didn't want to do it as he was a "sculptor" not a painter...but because he had made a commitment to do so, he finished, but he HATED it the entire time and could not WAIT to get it finished. I look at that incredible work and think, this is probably the work that is most attached to him and probably says the most about him...but if his heart wasn't in it...does it still have the same meaning to HIM? Is he proud of this? Was he thinking as he walked away from it..."thank God I am finished with this rag?...or was there somewhere inside of him that took over during the arduous days, months, and ultimately 4 years it took to accomplish it. History dictates that he weathered mold, dampness, and all kinds of unforeseeable obstacles while painting it, and was ill to the point of having last rites delivered during this work. He complained incessantly about the project, but he finished and it is probably the MOST breathtaking piece of art I have ever seen (and hope to see in person before I take the dirt nap). But how did HE feel about it? This, I don't think we will ever know. We can only speculate.

We all have our reasons why we do ANYTHING. The reason that sticks out in most cases, is because WE WANT TO or WE CAN. In the case of Michelangelo, he didn't really want to, wasn't really sure if he could...and maybe he did it for the simple reason that he said he would. Was it nothing more than a case of following through with something you commit yourself to do? I would like to think that when he walked away from this project, he stepped back and said.."Wow, ya know, I didn't know I had it in me, but how beautiful is that, and felt a sense of pride in himself that he had actually completed something that before that 4 years, he had never put his hand to before, and that more importantly, he walked away with his head held high, integrity intact, and his character preserved. I would like to think that these frescoes had changed his perspective on his creative ability..that he saw it now as EXPANSIVE and without limit and that his heart and soul were speaking through a medium for which his mind was totally uninterested in. I would like to think that this was his time of true communion with God, that God had shared a special secret with him that God had given him permission to share with the world....without him even knowing it at the time. Amen means "secret"...and it is said that when doing things "don't let your left hand know what the right is doing" and in this, I would like to believe that THIS work came straight from a source completely unconcievable to the mind. He took a step of faith...and in it, produced THE most recognized, emulated, and admired work of his life.

This life is full of challenge, are we up for it or do we bow out, let ourselves down, second-guess our capabilities, break our promises, and WORRY. Is our mindset about having what we want, or wanting what we have? Do we blow our insecurities out of proportion and allow ourselves to keep part of ourselves from even functioning? Are what we say and what we do in harmony or at constant odds? Think about this artist, and even read about what he went through in his mind, heart, soul, and body, and all the obstacles that were inadvertently in the way of his accomplising this project...and THEN...LOOK AT IT, really look at it...IT IS FINISHED.

"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." ~Mark Twain

"It is not the oath that makes us believe the man, but the man the oath." ~Aeschylus

"When a man takes an oath... he's holding his own self in his own hands. Like water. And if he opens his fingers then - he needn't hope to find himself again." ~Robert Bolt

Much love to all...
Raina <3