Years add wisdom, difficulties build strength, love moves mountains, tears nourish growth, dreams reveal purpose, character buries superficiality...Truth IS.

Thursday, May 31, 2012

I cried this morning...(Dedicated to Alix Rice and the Rice family)




Hello everyone.

There has been a hit-and-run vehicular manslaughter case in our area where a doctor was driving under the influence and texting while driving hit a teenage girl with his vehicle, kept on driving, wiped off evidence from his car, texted a friend and admitted that "his life was over"...then deleted all of the text messages that he had sent in regard to the accident AT THE TIME OF THE ACCIDENT.  My guess is he fled the scene of the accident BECAUSE he was drunk, flipped out and didn't want his NAME tarnished by the mistake he had made by getting behind the wheel while under the influence and completely RUINING the lives of the loved ones of this poor girl....that he left there to die and did nothing about.

In any case, I am not one to watch a bunch of "news" because all it does is depress me...and really, all it EVER highlights is crime, bad news, and all of the things we should be in fear of.  However, while watching a program last night, the local news station broke in and announced the verdict in this case.  It seems that this "DOCTOR" was found innocent of ALL felony charges...and HOW, you ask???  I have NO IDEA.  I am just sick over this.  Where is the justice here?  Where is the balance?  What price does this OBVIOUS narcissistic sociopath pay for taking the life of an innocent child---what would even compel him to even attempt to DEFEND himself?  Where is the remorse?  There is no way anyone can "defend" their actions and claim to be remorseful at the same time.  In essence, the verdict handed down by this obviously dysfunctional jury says "this child's life was disposable in view of this man losing the privilege to live his the way he chooses--lets just worry about HIS reputation."   Where is the outrage?  Where is the public outcry we saw for justice for TRAYVON MARTIN??  People like O.J. Simpson go free...only to end up in prison anyway because the evil they embody eventually surfaces AGAIN...maybe in another form...but this is their LIFESTYLE, their MINDSET...and their attitude of supremacy.  

I pray for the soul of this girl and for the spirit of EVERYTHING true and good to avenge her untimely death.  She is being held in the right hand of God and justice WILL be piled in the other hand until the scales are balanced.  THIS I am sure of.

To you, Dr. Corasanti...you may have been "fortunate" enough to monopolize on the stupidity and imperfection of a jury of your peers...but I regret to inform you that your case now goes to a HIGHER COURT...and the judge that oversees this one doesn't NEED a jury, doesn't care about your "reputation", doesn't believe your lies, accept your excuses, or condone your defense--but knows and defends the truth.  This judge holds the life of a child in his arms..a life He created, had a plan for...a destiny to accomplish, and a difference to make.  Unfortunately, this difference will now be revealed through her departure.

To the people responsible for finding any amount of innocence within this pile of guilt...you should be ashamed of yourselves..what if this were YOUR child--this was a person who took an OATH to preserve life.  Accidents DO happen...but in an effort to preserve his own life, he didn't even have the empathy or fortitude to  CALL for help for this child.   THIS is the ISSUE...and obviously a NON-issue to you, as he was found innocent of leaving the scene...even though he left it, didn't call for help and attempted to erase evidence.  You are blind.  I hope you can live with yourselves.

To the family of Alix Rice...my heart aches, my soul cries, and my spirit is with you.  I cried this morning as the anger and sadness created a poisonous mixture within me that needed to surface in order to cleanse it away.   Your baby's life did mean something.  She was the innocent victim of a tragic mistake made my another.  I pray that within you, you will hold on tight to the good, and do not become bitter.  Remember her, miss her, and don't allow the pain of her tragic passing keep you from doing either. Allow your heart to grieve the loss so that you can celebrate the time you were blessed to have with her.  There are no guarantees in this life and no one is promised anything, but where there is LOVE...no matter the time or space..it is always time best spent.  How you must feel at this time about the circumstances surrounding the passing of your loved one, I cannot fathom, but my hope for you is that somewhere in the silence, you will hear her voice and carry on for her to completion the mark that each of the years of her life were on the way to making, and the strength to one day realize that her untimely passing was indeed part of that mark which she left for you to carry on for her.  It is my belief that Alix would want something positive to come of this whole thing.  After all, she is in the arms of God, wrapped warmly in truth and love.  There is no bitterness, there is "NO H8."

Give this man no more of your attention.  Give attention to the LEGACY of a worthy life.

Praying for peace, clarity, & the manifestation of ultimate justice, where the destiny of a life lost will prevail.


Monday, May 28, 2012

Short Memorial Day message...



To the families, friends, and loved ones of fallen soldiers left behind, today is merely a drop in the reflecting waters of a sacrificial life of contribution and serving of a greater good. To me, today is not so much about that "greater good" but the acknowledgement of integrity and character of the strong and selfless.


 To you...I send a prayer to carry on the legacy that stretches from the earth we walk on straight to Heaven. To those who made it back..THANK YOU--I know first-hand the immense sacrifice you also have made and continue to make.




"Only one who devotes himself to a cause with his whole strength and soul can be a true master. For this reason mastery demands all of a person."
Albert Einstein

God Bless.

Monday, May 21, 2012

Restoration....



Hi there!!

What a BEAU-TI-FUL morning!!  Hope everyone in blog-land is waking up to the kind of mornings we've had around here the past 3 days.  Sunshine, blooming flowers, the smell of fresh-cut green grass, a symphony of different species of birds joyfully waking to greet the new day.  It feels like EVERYTHING is just SO happy and grateful to be alive!!  The vibe is so strong, it's almost emotionally overwhelming.  It's as if all of nature is singing its praises of complete appreciation to its Creator--I guess this is why I sat down to write a little bit this morning.  Its one thing to feel like you are on the right track...it is quite another to feel like everything--as far as the mind can imagine and the heart can dream is right there with you, completely surrounding you, protecting you, and walking WITH you.  It gives you the feeling that you can do anything, conquer anything, and gives you the courage to do it.  I cannot describe the completely encompassing feeling of love, joy, and possibility I'm filled with right now.  So to ALL THAT IS...I thank you from every cell of my being this day and promise to be a fountain of this love, encouragement  flowing onto everyone and everything I come into contact with.  I am indeed so very fortunate and completely know and feel how fortunate I truly am.

I gotta say...I read my horoscope every day (I'm such a junkie)..although it isn't because I completely believe the content or anything like that, I think it is more that I can really make anything a truth (well, except for a blatent lie, of course).  But, I have this way of making everything relevant in some way or another, so it sort of challenges me to find an area in my life that it could be speaking to and/or about.  Lately, I've been getting all of these "windfall" and "success" and "fortune" messages--that are supposed to just come out of no where.  Now because I don't take anything at face value and reality dictates that there really is no possibility anywhere where I would come into some sort of immediate financial fortune, I cancel out that thought process and let it marinate but keep my inner eye peeled for such truth--though I don't actively look for it--but when it comes, in retrospect, I can say "that's what that meant."  Dig it??

Well...I've got to say that lately, I've been the subject of such outpouring of selfless acts of kindness from others, been approached with such respect, and been made to feel more valuable than I think I ever have before.  And the thing is...when I attempt to give something back to them, or repay a kindness...they refuse and make me feel as if their contribution is a pay-back to ME for some kindness, love, or respect that I had shown them before.  I am SO used to giving...it's my nature.  However, I am so NOT used to receiving where absolutely NOTHING is expected or hoped for in return.  It feels so complete and so full-circle to me--and yet most of these people are not everyday people in my life...they've appeared here and there throughout my life, shown up from the past, or are fairly newcomers.  It's like I am sowing where I've never reaped...and really...THAT is fortune right there...out of nowhere...unexpected.  So to everyone out there who earnestly lives to make a contribution and your motives are pure....the retribution you get back will seem WAY out of proportion for what you feel you have given.  You will literally be overwhelmed at the enormity of it all.  It will seem that with all the little things that pop up that causes you to feel stressed or anxious, there will be someone right behind it saying "I got this for ya--don't worry about it."  I'm not talking about "friends bearing gifts" here...I'm talking about NEEDS being met by people who are willing to donate their time and work to an effort that will alleviate a burden from your shoulders for nothing more than that feeling of joy that comes from  doing something kind (that seems like nothing to them) for another that lights them up with sincere appreciation.  And I didn't even have to THINK about asking--and I didn't.  As a matter of fact, there weren't even offers on their part....they just DID.

Keep this in mind as you go about your day today...and tomorrow...and the day after that...and so on and so on--the three GREATEST gifts of God:
1).  Time.
2).  Sustenance---money.
3)  Relationships.

All of these priceless things are bestowed upon us and often take the form of human "angels" if we are aligned with a universal  and deeper purpose.  You even just think about a need, and BAM...there the meeting of it stands on your doorstep without having to ask you if there is indeed a need there...like they already know and are commissioned ahead of time to meet it.  AMAZING!!   :))))))

So yes, I have received my windfall in ways that money right now could not even compete.  My faith in human kind has been completely restored, my faith in myself is stronger now than ever...and the feeling that I am loved, valuable, and capable are second to none.  

To all my angels who don't even know each other or OF each other---who knew my need and stood in for my lack out of nothing more than your very own integrity and selflessness...from the very bottom and fullness of my heart...I THANK YOU.  What you ALL have done is way more than you think and way more than I can find words to express.

God Bless you all.
Raina



Wednesday, May 16, 2012

"If you want to learn something, read about it. If you want to understand something, write about it. If you want to master something, teach it."

Hi everyone!!

Well, it has been a week...that's for sure.  I had probably the BEST Mother's Day ever with my kids.  It was nonstop laughter--kinda brutal on the incisions...but OH SO GOOD for the soul!!  I am so very blessed with my little family and when all of us get together, we truly do enjoy each other's company.  My son brought me a beautiful New Guinea Impatiens hanging plant for my porch in a bright orange/red color and a cute card...and then he fixed my lawnmower, mowed my lawn, and he and his baby sister (my 18-year-old) moved the rest of the one pile of wood for me, stacked it, and raked up the area for me.  I got several Happy Mother's Day texts from my "surrogate" children and a quick visit from one of them.  I made up a Turkey breast, some mashed taters, some butternut squash and sweet potatoes for dinner...it was just a perfect day and then we retired to the living room where my youngest and my oldest commenced to entertain us the entire night.  Needless to say, I slept very well Sunday!!

As the week rolls on, I've been tinkering outdoors in my garden and with weed trimming--doing what I am allowed to do just one week post surgery, but the property is shaping up.  I need to plant a little grass seed where the piles of wood sat for months, but all-in-all, coming along!  The little Johnny Jump Ups that appeared in my garden last year have spread beautifully.  They are so colorful and add such whimsy to the garden...in their own little random pattern of color splashes.  I've been very careful to weed around them as well as my massive amounts of forget-me-nots..as I So believe they were placed there.  I've lately looked up the meanings and spiritual significance of these flowers that now so beautifully adorn my garden and I was amazed.  The Johnny Jump Up is a variation of a perennial pansy--pansy means "thoughts" and the pansy has symbolically been a flower of remembrance.  The forget-me-not is a symbol of true love, hope, and remembrance.  When I think back to where I was when I first noticed these flowers, it sends me a very clear message.  I am truly loved, thought of, and remembered forever.  I find it striking that these two very different variations of wild flowers send the same message--and the origin of both--Europe.  None of it surprises me.

So, I sit in a very different place than I was one year ago.  It seems that my thoughts, my goals, and my ambitions have all changed, and the pattern of my life is in sync with those changes.  I have again discovered my  foundation of hope and now have the tools to build it into something real and lasting.  My head is in the right place and my emotions have taken a back seat to my "sense."  So long I lived in confusion...and now, in my peace, I have learned how to discern which voice to listen to...it is not always the loudest one--and most times, it is the more subtle, nagging one--the persistent one, the one that comes with the SAME message over and over again.  It is the one that we know will NOT give us what we WANT...but the one that is overall best for us.  Answering to this voice usually requires us to give up something, and sometimes, we are in a space where we've lost SO much, we just cannot bear the thought of voluntarily letting something else go and we use every little bit of strength we have left in us to just HANG ON to this ONE thing...and this is usually fueled by very intense emotion.  I can clearly see now that that which this voice beckons us to let loose of is the VERY thing that caused all the loss to begin with--it is the catalyst, the culprit, BUT usually (and this is the sticky part)...something we love more than life.  On the other side of it all...there is clarity, peace, and the only voice you hear is the one that is aligned with your thoughts and your emotions.  I found that in the midst of the brokenness I lived in, my desires changed...and when I spoke those desires out loud and put all my thought, feeling, and action into it...it did indeed manifest.  Pertinent to note....these desires are those you have for YOURSELF that you are willing to GET for yourself.  It  is NEVER dependent upon anything outside of you...it is ALL ABOUT YOU.   In this place, there is no more confusion, argument, or agonizing over a decision...it all goes away.  I have found so much opportunity, so much promise, and so much of what really matters and my  focus is driven forward as I have finally realized that my pain and confusion was seated in the picture that I , myself painted of my life and the story I told myself about it.  Once I  removed myself and allowed myself  to see what  it really was, I found that it was nothing more than living the IDEA of my  innermost desires and putting all of my energy, focus, and work into it.  I was looking to and waiting for the success..but it never came~because it was never meant to.

I find that the people who are most driven to embody and live their beliefs, to love their hardest, and to forgive, accept, assist and contribute are the people who suffer the most pain in life--however, they are the ones that grow, prosper, and make profound contribution and mark on the hearts of humanity.  They are the most respected, emulated, and credible people you will come across in this life.



THIS is what matters to me.  This is what has always mattered to me.  I am willing to work, fight, and suffer.  I am willing to break, be broken, and lost--Because I know that when I reach the other side of it, I will have learned something very integral to my growth and maturity in moving forward.  I stand strong, I laugh hard, I smile easy, and when I cry, each tear that falls from my eyes has meaning-- and attached to it, a sentiment.  They are no longer tears of mourning...loss...and hope that the past could have been any different--they are each to their own and belong to now--they are easily shed and quickly dried by an action born within that makes a positive change.  They are no longer the dreaded physical manifestation of me reincarnating my broken dreams---but their proper function has been returned to them...they propel me and remind me that I have a heart, a soul, and that I LOVE..


"That which refuses to be broken, refuses to be blessed."~T.D. Jakes.  

"The way leading to cessation of suffering, as a noble truth, is this: It is simply the noble eightfold path, that is to say, right view, right intention; right speech, right action, right livelihood; right effort, right mindfulness, right concentration.~Buddhist quote.


"Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, an hour, a day, or a year--but eventually, it will subside and something else will take its place.  If I quit; however, it lasts forever".~Lance Armstrong.  


"Half finished work generally proves to be labor lost....~Abraham Lincoln"


"It is the work of a spiritual teacher to poke, provoke, confront, and elevate~Yogi Bahjan.

"If you cannot see God IN all, you cannot see God AT all.~Yogi Bahjan.  

I hope that everyone has a beautiful one-of-a-kind day packed with new cherished memories and meaning.  

Much love to all..
Raina :)


Friday, May 11, 2012

The morning after Twilight....




Good morning folks!

Well, I made it through my surgery...3 days post-op today.  It has been a little rougher of a recovery than my first laparoscopic procedure a few years back...but I'm coming along.  I really hope that of all the "dispensable" organs we are equipped with, this last one was the last to go on me before I take the dirt nap.  I don't like having surgery at all!!  While I was in the pre-op holdiing area, there  was a gentleman next to me (separated only by a "curtain wall" who went down the list of surgeries he had had in the past and I was like "Good God...that poor guy!!"  And yet, there he was like it was nothin'...and I suppose to him, it really was nothin!  There are a lot of things I would love to master in my lifetime, although I can honestly say that getting accustomed to  being cut open, prodded, snipped, and stitched; and then sent home to suffer a few days or weeks...yeah.....not on the list!  There are things on this 3rd day of recovery that feel MUCH  better and things that seem to be going worse.  I can get around pretty well.  I did well with that the day of surgery...and the day after...but then yesterday...I was REALLY SORE and began to feel very tired and had a loss of appetite.  That loss of appetite and mild nausea...still here today.  Not sure if I should be worried about that...cuz the day after, I ate all kinds of things (bland and soft diet, of course)...but I was hungry..and now, I'm not so much.  The weight thing has got to turn around here...down to 117 lbs.  Cannot remember the last time I weighed so little and this icky feeling I am beginning to have is not helping THAT cause at all!  Trying to stay positive.  Trying to just tell myself that my body is just trying to adjust to digestion without a gallbladder.

Anyway, I wanted to talk about the going under and the waking up.  The first operative procedure I had, I got way too much anesthesia and it took me literally HOURS to wake up...like an entire evening and overnight until I felt like I could function.  This time was quick!!  However, the first time, I remember them putting the mask on me saying "just a little oxygen" and I remember seeing the white and purple round lights above me..(although I thought I saw 3 or 4 of them!!) and then...nothing until I was in the recovery room.  This time, they wheeled me into the OR before they even gave me my Versed...and I didn't like that too much!!  Usually, I'm so stoned by the time I get there, I don't even CARE what they are gonna do to me while I'm in there!!  My anesthesiologist was a woman who said.."I got all kinds of goodies here for you...the medicine is going in...and in about 2 minutes, you will not be able to talk to me anymore...go ahead and close your eyes and enjoy."  Which I did!!  The shifted me to the OR gurney and that is the last thing I remember...no mask, no lights..no nothin'...until I was in recovery.  What I remember this time; however, when I was first awakened was that I was in a rather "REAL" dream state.  I can't really remember what it was I was dreaming about..and I seemed to be VERY interactive in it, like I was busy moving about and talking to the people that were there but I remember that I really THOUGHT I was there and when I woke up,  it was a HUGE surprise to me to be in the OR recovery room.  I even said out loud..."OMG, I forgot where I was there for a minute." and the nurse just laughed.  What I find striking about coming out of this drug-induced sleep is how really ALERT part of you is and how totally out of it other parts are.  For instance, I had immense clarity as to what was being said around me, to me and can tell you exactly what my recovery nurse looked like--and my memory is sharp when I recall everything that was said and everything that I said.  However, the strange part about it was that I could hear others and knew others were there...but I saw no one else, nothing else.  Just her and what she was doing with me.  I couldn't get a grasp on being in a room with other people in it (though I knew this was the case)...I could only SEE, focus, and be clear that there was a woman there with short dark hair taking care of me, talking to me, asking me questions, and allowing me a couple of ice chips...and I even remember thinking...why can't I see anyone or anything else--I even tried, but I couldn't.  I remember my trip to the post-op holding area where my care was resumed by the nurse there and my daughter greeting me when I got there, and from there, my scope of vision and mental clarity began to encompass all that was around me.

I found this phenomenon noteworthy (obviously..I'm writing about it, lol)...because it makes me wonder if there is just the part of you that IS you that engages and nothing else matters.  Is it that part of you...that survival instinct...that love of life and the recognition ONLY of those who are aiding you in it?  Why is it that even though you can hear others around, you just cannot focus on that...why is it just that tiny little area that encompasses you and those caring for you that you can actually see, recognize, and remember?  And WHY is THIS so CLEAR and everything else just seems to be background noise and unimportant?  Could it be that  need and the selfless acts of others take the forefront and could it be that getting back to your life is the only consideration...and concentration on the job ahead is the only thing we LET in?

I've learned from this twilight experience...I've learned that these are the things that deserve our attention...those caring for us, those who love us...and working toward our own "recovery"--recognizing and remembering those who were there to aid us in our healing and just leaving all the BACKGROUND noise alone...no focus at all.  This taught me that we are indeed ONE first...and then...a part of the bigger picture--and they say that drugs are bad!!  LOL...

Have a great day...and hope I didn't bore you too much with my analogy of my surgical procedure!!  Just always focus on what MATTERS.

Namaste.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

What students learn from their teachers..."you will forget what someone has said or done, but you will never forget how someone made you feel."




Hi everyone!

I had to get on here and post today...wow...two days in a row!!

There are just a few things I need to get off my shoulders or chest...however you wanna look at it, lol.  When I write, for some reason....it brings clarity to a situation that I cannot "think through"--and I really need some clarity on this one, so I figured I would let my hands get to clicking these keys and see what comes of it.

Teacher:  One who instructs.

Instruct:  To direct or furnish with information.

Okay...I'm gonna begin right here.

I will say that the best teachers are experienced in the field they instruct...but on the flip side of that...not everyone with a vast amount of experience in a certain area are good teachers.  Just because you are a master in something doesn't necessarily mean that you have the qualities to teach what you know to another.  However, an apprentice looks to one with experience as a mentor...someone to look up to, respect, and emulate in a way.  What happens when your teacher is impatient, condescending, and seemingly expects you to already KNOW everything just because you have been told once?  And what if there are SO many things to remember, everything is brand new to you, and you are trying to "file" all of this information in a manner that you can best call it back up, but your teacher places emphasis on expediency BEFORE knowledge.  What then happens is an attitude of the teacher that "you should already know this, therefore, you should be better at it" when the student is still in the learning stage, not fully knowing or understanding all of the facets of the task at hand that they are trying so hard to sort out and place in some sort of order in their minds.  I have always been taught that accuracy comes BEFORE speed.  You have to understand all of the details before you feel comfortable enough to speed them up.  One thing at a time and then the comfort to multitask comes in..You really need to be fully aware of the steps to take and  the time these steps take in order to manage that time more efficiently.  You cannot give someone a list of things to do, send them into a place to FIND them on their own and expect them to know where to go, how to get it done and be quick about it.

This kind of teaching is actually detrimental to the student who wants so badly to learn.  The student wants to feel guided and wants to use this period of "teaching" time  to absorb as much information as they comfortably can, while being given the time to methodically place all of the information in some sort of manageable order and then assess how they themselves can bring life to it.   Learning something new cannot be rushed and just because someone has done something similar and is very good at it doesn't mean that they already know the intricate workings of something altogether different with just that one similarity.

I know, as a mother that I would not want a teacher to just expect my child to know something that they first had not  been guided to learn by the people who are supposed to be guiding and mentoring them.  It makes a person feel left out, stupid, and makes them question their own value and their ability to learn something new.

What we all need to understand is that learning is a process...it comes full-circle with experience...however, before experience, you have to be equipped and provided with the proper tools.  Give a student the time to make sense of what they are being taught.  Writing 2+2=4 on the chalkboard doesn't teach anyone anything.  The value of the numbers first have to be learned and mastered, then the concept of addition needs to be learned and mastered BEFORE my child can become a master math.  The "method" first...then the process of mastery.  Just because my child has gone to nursery school and has learned and mastered some of the rules of social engagement, coloring, drawing, etc. doesn't mean that they are prepared for kindergarten work, nor can a kindergartner be expected to do 6th grade math just because they have done well in a classroom environment before!

To all of you who are looked to to mentor someone.  Remember this:  1).  This person either wants very badly or needs very badly to learn.  2).  Not everyone learns at the same pace nor in the same manner.  3).  Be patient.  4).  Keep your frustration to yourself.  5).  Don't engage your student into your own personal drama nor place them in the middle of a vendetta you have with someone else only because they made an inquiry (asking questions is the way we LEARN).  6).  Someday this student may become YOUR teacher.

And to the student.  Do not let ANYONE make you believe that you are slow, stupid, not good enough just because they have mastered what they obviously have no tolerance to teach someone else.   Instead of allowing them to make you feel devalued and wanting to just give up, use their indifference to prove to yourself that their opinion doesn't matter...you WILL learn, you WILL develop a method, and you WILL master it.  Take charge of YOURSELF and forget what anyone else "thinks" they know about you.  Let it motivate you, not destroy you.


"Every great work, every great accomplishment, has been brought into manifestation through holding to the vision, and often just before the big achievement, comes apparent failure and discouragement."
Florence Scovel Shinn

"A mentor is someone who sees more talent and ability within you, than you see in yourself, and helps bring it out of you."
Bob Proctor

The Mediocre teacher tells.  The good teacher explains.  The superior teacher demonstrates.  The great teacher inspires.~William Arthur Ward.  

To all...a good day!!