Hi everyone!!
Well, it has been a week...that's for sure. I had probably the BEST Mother's Day ever with my kids. It was nonstop laughter--kinda brutal on the incisions...but OH SO GOOD for the soul!! I am so very blessed with my little family and when all of us get together, we truly do enjoy each other's company. My son brought me a beautiful New Guinea Impatiens hanging plant for my porch in a bright orange/red color and a cute card...and then he fixed my lawnmower, mowed my lawn, and he and his baby sister (my 18-year-old) moved the rest of the one pile of wood for me, stacked it, and raked up the area for me. I got several Happy Mother's Day texts from my "surrogate" children and a quick visit from one of them. I made up a Turkey breast, some mashed taters, some butternut squash and sweet potatoes for dinner...it was just a perfect day and then we retired to the living room where my youngest and my oldest commenced to entertain us the entire night. Needless to say, I slept very well Sunday!!
As the week rolls on, I've been tinkering outdoors in my garden and with weed trimming--doing what I am allowed to do just one week post surgery, but the property is shaping up. I need to plant a little grass seed where the piles of wood sat for months, but all-in-all, coming along! The little Johnny Jump Ups that appeared in my garden last year have spread beautifully. They are so colorful and add such whimsy to the garden...in their own little random pattern of color splashes. I've been very careful to weed around them as well as my massive amounts of forget-me-nots..as I So believe they were placed there. I've lately looked up the meanings and spiritual significance of these flowers that now so beautifully adorn my garden and I was amazed. The Johnny Jump Up is a variation of a perennial pansy--pansy means "thoughts" and the pansy has symbolically been a flower of remembrance. The forget-me-not is a symbol of true love, hope, and remembrance. When I think back to where I was when I first noticed these flowers, it sends me a very clear message. I am truly loved, thought of, and remembered forever. I find it striking that these two very different variations of wild flowers send the same message--and the origin of both--Europe. None of it surprises me.
So, I sit in a very different place than I was one year ago. It seems that my thoughts, my goals, and my ambitions have all changed, and the pattern of my life is in sync with those changes. I have again discovered my foundation of hope and now have the tools to build it into something real and lasting. My head is in the right place and my emotions have taken a back seat to my "sense." So long I lived in confusion...and now, in my peace, I have learned how to discern which voice to listen to...it is not always the loudest one--and most times, it is the more subtle, nagging one--the persistent one, the one that comes with the SAME message over and over again. It is the one that we know will NOT give us what we WANT...but the one that is overall best for us. Answering to this voice usually requires us to give up something, and sometimes, we are in a space where we've lost SO much, we just cannot bear the thought of voluntarily letting something else go and we use every little bit of strength we have left in us to just HANG ON to this ONE thing...and this is usually fueled by very intense emotion. I can clearly see now that that which this voice beckons us to let loose of is the VERY thing that caused all the loss to begin with--it is the catalyst, the culprit, BUT usually (and this is the sticky part)...something we love more than life. On the other side of it all...there is clarity, peace, and the only voice you hear is the one that is aligned with your thoughts and your emotions. I found that in the midst of the brokenness I lived in, my desires changed...and when I spoke those desires out loud and put all my thought, feeling, and action into it...it did indeed manifest. Pertinent to note....these desires are those you have for YOURSELF that you are willing to GET for yourself. It is NEVER dependent upon anything outside of you...it is ALL ABOUT YOU. In this place, there is no more confusion, argument, or agonizing over a decision...it all goes away. I have found so much opportunity, so much promise, and so much of what really matters and my focus is driven forward as I have finally realized that my pain and confusion was seated in the picture that I , myself painted of my life and the story I told myself about it. Once I removed myself and allowed myself to see what it really was, I found that it was nothing more than living the IDEA of my innermost desires and putting all of my energy, focus, and work into it. I was looking to and waiting for the success..but it never came~because it was never meant to.
I find that the people who are most driven to embody and live their beliefs, to love their hardest, and to forgive, accept, assist and contribute are the people who suffer the most pain in life--however, they are the ones that grow, prosper, and make profound contribution and mark on the hearts of humanity. They are the most respected, emulated, and credible people you will come across in this life.
THIS is what matters to me. This is what has always mattered to me. I am willing to work, fight, and suffer. I am willing to break, be broken, and lost--Because I know that when I reach the other side of it, I will have learned something very integral to my growth and maturity in moving forward. I stand strong, I laugh hard, I smile easy, and when I cry, each tear that falls from my eyes has meaning-- and attached to it, a sentiment. They are no longer tears of mourning...loss...and hope that the past could have been any different--they are each to their own and belong to now--they are easily shed and quickly dried by an action born within that makes a positive change. They are no longer the dreaded physical manifestation of me reincarnating my broken dreams---but their proper function has been returned to them...they propel me and remind me that I have a heart, a soul, and that I LOVE..
"That which refuses to be broken, refuses to be blessed."~T.D. Jakes.
"The way leading to cessation of suffering, as a noble truth, is this: It is simply the noble eightfold path, that is to say, right view, right intention; right speech, right action, right livelihood; right effort, right mindfulness, right concentration.~Buddhist quote.
"Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, an hour, a day, or a year--but eventually, it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit; however, it lasts forever".~Lance Armstrong.
"Half finished work generally proves to be labor lost....~Abraham Lincoln"
Well, it has been a week...that's for sure. I had probably the BEST Mother's Day ever with my kids. It was nonstop laughter--kinda brutal on the incisions...but OH SO GOOD for the soul!! I am so very blessed with my little family and when all of us get together, we truly do enjoy each other's company. My son brought me a beautiful New Guinea Impatiens hanging plant for my porch in a bright orange/red color and a cute card...and then he fixed my lawnmower, mowed my lawn, and he and his baby sister (my 18-year-old) moved the rest of the one pile of wood for me, stacked it, and raked up the area for me. I got several Happy Mother's Day texts from my "surrogate" children and a quick visit from one of them. I made up a Turkey breast, some mashed taters, some butternut squash and sweet potatoes for dinner...it was just a perfect day and then we retired to the living room where my youngest and my oldest commenced to entertain us the entire night. Needless to say, I slept very well Sunday!!
As the week rolls on, I've been tinkering outdoors in my garden and with weed trimming--doing what I am allowed to do just one week post surgery, but the property is shaping up. I need to plant a little grass seed where the piles of wood sat for months, but all-in-all, coming along! The little Johnny Jump Ups that appeared in my garden last year have spread beautifully. They are so colorful and add such whimsy to the garden...in their own little random pattern of color splashes. I've been very careful to weed around them as well as my massive amounts of forget-me-nots..as I So believe they were placed there. I've lately looked up the meanings and spiritual significance of these flowers that now so beautifully adorn my garden and I was amazed. The Johnny Jump Up is a variation of a perennial pansy--pansy means "thoughts" and the pansy has symbolically been a flower of remembrance. The forget-me-not is a symbol of true love, hope, and remembrance. When I think back to where I was when I first noticed these flowers, it sends me a very clear message. I am truly loved, thought of, and remembered forever. I find it striking that these two very different variations of wild flowers send the same message--and the origin of both--Europe. None of it surprises me.
So, I sit in a very different place than I was one year ago. It seems that my thoughts, my goals, and my ambitions have all changed, and the pattern of my life is in sync with those changes. I have again discovered my foundation of hope and now have the tools to build it into something real and lasting. My head is in the right place and my emotions have taken a back seat to my "sense." So long I lived in confusion...and now, in my peace, I have learned how to discern which voice to listen to...it is not always the loudest one--and most times, it is the more subtle, nagging one--the persistent one, the one that comes with the SAME message over and over again. It is the one that we know will NOT give us what we WANT...but the one that is overall best for us. Answering to this voice usually requires us to give up something, and sometimes, we are in a space where we've lost SO much, we just cannot bear the thought of voluntarily letting something else go and we use every little bit of strength we have left in us to just HANG ON to this ONE thing...and this is usually fueled by very intense emotion. I can clearly see now that that which this voice beckons us to let loose of is the VERY thing that caused all the loss to begin with--it is the catalyst, the culprit, BUT usually (and this is the sticky part)...something we love more than life. On the other side of it all...there is clarity, peace, and the only voice you hear is the one that is aligned with your thoughts and your emotions. I found that in the midst of the brokenness I lived in, my desires changed...and when I spoke those desires out loud and put all my thought, feeling, and action into it...it did indeed manifest. Pertinent to note....these desires are those you have for YOURSELF that you are willing to GET for yourself. It is NEVER dependent upon anything outside of you...it is ALL ABOUT YOU. In this place, there is no more confusion, argument, or agonizing over a decision...it all goes away. I have found so much opportunity, so much promise, and so much of what really matters and my focus is driven forward as I have finally realized that my pain and confusion was seated in the picture that I , myself painted of my life and the story I told myself about it. Once I removed myself and allowed myself to see what it really was, I found that it was nothing more than living the IDEA of my innermost desires and putting all of my energy, focus, and work into it. I was looking to and waiting for the success..but it never came~because it was never meant to.
I find that the people who are most driven to embody and live their beliefs, to love their hardest, and to forgive, accept, assist and contribute are the people who suffer the most pain in life--however, they are the ones that grow, prosper, and make profound contribution and mark on the hearts of humanity. They are the most respected, emulated, and credible people you will come across in this life.
THIS is what matters to me. This is what has always mattered to me. I am willing to work, fight, and suffer. I am willing to break, be broken, and lost--Because I know that when I reach the other side of it, I will have learned something very integral to my growth and maturity in moving forward. I stand strong, I laugh hard, I smile easy, and when I cry, each tear that falls from my eyes has meaning-- and attached to it, a sentiment. They are no longer tears of mourning...loss...and hope that the past could have been any different--they are each to their own and belong to now--they are easily shed and quickly dried by an action born within that makes a positive change. They are no longer the dreaded physical manifestation of me reincarnating my broken dreams---but their proper function has been returned to them...they propel me and remind me that I have a heart, a soul, and that I LOVE..
"That which refuses to be broken, refuses to be blessed."~T.D. Jakes.
"The way leading to cessation of suffering, as a noble truth, is this: It is simply the noble eightfold path, that is to say, right view, right intention; right speech, right action, right livelihood; right effort, right mindfulness, right concentration.~Buddhist quote.
"Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, an hour, a day, or a year--but eventually, it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit; however, it lasts forever".~Lance Armstrong.
"Half finished work generally proves to be labor lost....~Abraham Lincoln"
"It is the work of a spiritual teacher to poke, provoke, confront, and elevate~Yogi Bahjan.
"If you cannot see God IN all, you cannot see God AT all.~Yogi Bahjan.
I hope that everyone has a beautiful one-of-a-kind day packed with new cherished memories and meaning.
Much love to all..
Raina :)
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