Personal power and healthy boundary

Good morning everyone!!  Hope this new day brings with it new possibility, new opportunity, and a fresh new perspective on what it means to alive!!

So often, we allow our day to begin as a continuation of the worries of yesterday--and maybe even some, with a sense of dread--thinking things like "I hope today is a better day than yesterday" or "I don't FEEL like going to work, or running errands",or whatever it may be that we've planned for this new day ahead of time.  We tend to need something positive to be going on in our lives to FOCUS on the positive...and we are somehow programmed on negative by default.

I was having a conversation with a friend yesterday who is experiencing some fallout from poor decisions (although this is the third time in a matter of a couple of years that I have heard the same story).  She points her anger and her frustration at outside circumstances....and uses phrases like:  "Why do I even bother getting out of bed every day."   I began  explaining to her the power of positive thinking, an attitude of gratitude, and making a list of things each day that she is grateful for.  Her response "Well, I'm sure that may work for SOME people...but not everyone."  Immediately, I thought of the T.D Jakes message I posted on Sunday.  You will never get a BIG IDEA across to a small mind.  They can think of all kinds of "outs" and excuses to NOT listen and or practice something that has been PROVEN to work in the life of the one encouraging them.  They will profess their trust in your advice and constantly seek it...but as soon as you start talking positive mindset as it relates to possibility...their resistance to believe that something that simple could literally change the circumstances of their lives is obvious.  However, if we were to closely examine the attitudes and mindset that has accompanied us into the "negative" predicament that we are in---I'm sure we would find a host of thoughts and senses that match.  However, how do we break our denial?  How do we stop playing the victim?  How do we stop laying blame on the universe for being so unfair and so unjust?  GET RID OF THE ATTITUDE OF ENTITLEMENT and the ATTACHMENT to the end result.  Honesty plays a huge role in letting go of these components to our self-defeating mindset.  I've heard people say in defense of their actions "What I am doing is really not hurting anyone else...so why should people care what I do--if it isn't hurting them"  The answer to that is...when we are taking our "problems" and our "angst" and our "frustrations" to others---we EXPECT them to care, don't we??  Ahhh...but here lies the problem...what we LOOK for when we do this is maybe more validation of the way we feel than anything that may actually HELP the situation or shed light on OUR responsibility in the mess we find ourselves in.  We just have SUCH a hard time being honest with ourselves don't we?  And really, that is all it takes to turn your life around FOR GOOD!!  If we find ourselves in the same situation over and over and over again....can we really blame the situation?  What is the constant in this?  Simple answer:  "I" am.  There is no dispute.... no argument good enough, and no excuse strong enough to convince anyone else that we have no part to play in all of this....especially if it is a totally OVERPLAYED scenario.  Some people are just so bent on protecting their "image" or the "image they believe they have" that they are willing to allow their entire lives to fall apart around them...ya know...just so people don't think that they had anything to do with it.  We have no problem allowing our negativity, our deceit, and our sense of entitlement to get us into trouble and create "lack" in our lives (because in this mindset, there is always something else "wanted" and always something else to project the blame upon when we don't get it), but we seem to have an extra-large problem even entertaining that a positive mindset, honesty, and gratitude could turn the tides the other way.  We cling to the notion that "if I look honestly at my intentions, my motivations, and my actions leading up to this repeated crisis, I will lose the last little bit of respect I have for myself and then, NOTHING will ever change..because then, I know that I am (at the very least) partially responsible for the mess I've gotten myself into."  I'm here to tell ya...that is a conditioned response.  That is a lie.  Anything that makes us fear is an untruth.  What genuinely happens is quite contrary to what we think.  When you are completely honest with yourself and see yourself complete with the lack of good judgement, the mistakes you've made, the miscalculations you've figured...you actually feel compassion for yourself.  You begin to think..."wow, how insecure, hurt, afraid...(whatever emotion you can attach to it) I must have been to do this or that"  You may even bash yourself and have a bit of a pity party for yourself, but once you realize that it was the broken parts of you that were ruling over what eventually turned into the mirror of your heart as your life...you begin to provide those hurts with self-nurturing salve...and as you begin to care for yourself, you begin to clearly see the alternatives.  Once you make up your mind to take total control of your life...setting boundaries and adhering to them, you just innately begin to develop a new mindset--which in turn CHANGES YOUR LIFE for the better. There is no longer a need for a "fall-back" object of blame...there is no need for excuses and when you make a mistake, you know RIGHT AWAY, it was the wrong move.

Karma is impartial...it is universal justice.  It is not a system of reward and punishment.  It is a system of balance.  But in order to achieve the balance it is consistently offering you, TRUTH has to prevail...the ability to recognize AND utilize it.  Whether it works for or against you is completely dependent upon what you are willing to give to it.  It works according to the truth about YOU.  Look at it as a bank account of fate.  Truthful and positive intent, motivation, and action are deposits.  Deceitful (in any form--be it used against another or yourself), self-serving intent, motivation, and actions are withdrawals.  Just as a bank account earns you more interest the more you deposit into it, Karma does the same.  It builds more positive.  Too many withdrawals and you are left with nothing...nothing to build interest upon and no interest..and Karma is right there too giving you MORE of that.  You can't get blood from a rock...right?  If you are not building, you are destroying.  If you are not contributing, you are stealing.  Until we realize this...we are dependent upon outcome that is completely out of our control and one in which the shots are called FOR us--which we could term fate's welfare system.

As I pointed out in an earlier post...it is all about choices.  If you choose NOT to live in truth..that is your choice.  But really, don't expect others to applaud you or tell you what you want to hear or even adapt to your way of thinking...when your way is obviously NOT working for you.  If you ever settle with the mindset that you are the "exception to the rule", a harsh reality will soon follow and the more you run from the truth, the deeper you will bury yourself.

So really...positive builds positive...negative builds negative...not really too much of a stellar concept there.  And it applies to EVERYONE...it doesn't "work for some and not for others"...to ever believe something like that is to mock the life you have been blessed to live to the fullest if you so CHOOSE to do so.

I get SO frustrated sometimes trying to explain self-proven concepts to others (who bring their problems or upsets to ME).  I don't go out looking for lives to butt into.  I have to laugh when I listen to the "What's the Big Deal" message, because I can so relate..you just begin to lose interest...in mid-conversation and then, just altogether.  I look at it this way...if you already HAVE things that you are grateful and appreciative for...then WHY not give THOSE things your attention...why is it so easy for us to lose sight of all things good when ONE area in our lives is not going the best?  Are our blessings just a piece of shit-cake because we don't have what we WANT when we want it exactly the way we want it?  Does everything have to be just perfect before we can see anything that way?  And do we really deserve the things we want...or just feel we should have them despite the lack of personal contribution we make.   Do we make our own bed?  Yeah, sorry to say, we do.

I have many times in my life been in what I thought was a no-win situation...living in the depths of depression, hopelessness, and at times, helplessness--I've tried the "blame it on everything and everyone" else game...and it keeps your EGO intact, but it doesn't stop your LIFE from falling apart.  I would never ask anyone or suggest to anyone something I haven't done myself or even better...something that someone hasn't SEEN me do myself.  If I preach it, it is because I've lived it, been there, done that.  If you trust me enough with the intimate details of your life to share them with me, then you probably shouldn't scoff at the words of experience I share with you--because if you know me, you already know how I am going to approach it.  If it isn't what you want to hear...then maybe you should find an alternative source of what it is that you seek--is it justification or perspective?  Just as inconceivable as something so simple as a positive outlook and appreciation and love for for what you have instead of dwelling on the lack could actually make the difference in your circumstance is my inability to conceive how a redundant crisis could present itself over and over again within a pretty tight time-frame without some sort of change in thought, attitude, intent, or action.

Impasse??  I believe so.  Am I bothered by it?  Absolutely not.  I no longer feel the need to put my energies into rescuing others.  I can only share what has worked for me and then fall back within the healthy boundaries I have set for myself.  I have no need whatsoever to be anyone else's savior or hero.  I do; however, owe it to myself to make choices I am proud of.

"Give a man a fish, he will eat for a day.  Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime."~Chinese proverb.

This proverb seems so clear-cut and truthful, doesn't it...it makes perfect sense.  However, what if the man chooses not to utilize what he has been taught?  THIS is the gap.  It seems absurd to me that one would choose to blame the fish for not biting, or the weather for being uncooperative, and then reduce their own power of choice to either the charitable contributions of others or starvation.  BUT hey, that image is intact, isn't it?  lol

Sorry about the ranting nature of this entry.  Sometimes, that steam valve needs to blow open to release the  pressure.

"Evaluating the benefits and drawbacks of any relationship is your responsibility.  You do not have to passively accept what is brought to you.  You can choose."~Deborah Day.

"The most important distinction anyone can ever make in their life is between who they are as an individual and their connection with others."~Anne Linden.

Have a great day everyone...xoxoxox

He took the words right outta my mouth!!

http://www.lightsource.com/ministry/the-potters-house/whats-the-big-idea-part-1-296536.html

I have SO much respect for this man.  Indoctrination aside....he speaks the TRUTH--and though he is a professed Christian...his messages reach the secular heart and touch the universal spirit.  Please give this message a listen.  I think you'll see a similar mindset behind the messages I post here and what he speaks about. I was thinking of posting this morning...but when I watched this, I thought, I couldn't have said it any better myself.  So enjoy...

Much Love & Peace to all.

Choice, Excuse, & Reason.

Good morning everyone!

I've been focusing quite a bit lately on the enormous amount of choices we make in just one day, one minute, one hour.  To be honest...that is what our entire life is spent doing.  Then there is the incessant mind chatter that accompanies all of these choices "time to get out of bed"  "time to get the coffee started" and those are just the beginning.  "I think I'll check my FB, write a little in my blog...but what should I write about?  I know, I'll write about choices"...yeah...just catch yourself in the act sometime!!  We do this SO unconsciously---but our choices are the outward expression of who we are inside.  And behind or underneath all of these choices, there lies a reason.  Sometimes it is for comfort, sometimes it is because it needs to be done, sometimes it is because no one else will do it...mostly though, we choose what is important to us.  The choice we ultimately make after the internal dialog is always the one that we feel is most beneficial.  Consideration also plays a role in any final decisions we make...but what rings true with each choice we make...is what or whom we consider and what or whom benefits from that choice.   A choice always begins as a secret (inner) consideration of importance FIRST and then we manifest this choice into a palpable action for us to experience and for others to observe.  It is the fruit of the spirit....the wine of the water....the word.  It is bred of intention and is then fueled by motivation.  The choices we make and the patterns of those choices are what we become identified by--our "mark" that comes before us...as if it were imprinted upon our foreheads.  We are known by this mark.  The underlying intention yields the outward reason.  Our reasons need no explanation or defense or justification....our reasons and who we are blend to make one.  And I have said before and will say again a million times....the end result of something ALWAYS matches the initial intent.

The use of free will has become abundantly abused and treated as if it were a part of a "3 wishes genie lamp" or "if you had one day to live, what would you do" kinda thing.  I have observed people who have been rubbing that lamp and DYING their entire lives.  They feel entitled to all that can be given to them.  They don't attach any sense of personal responsibility to their choices---but they are masters at assigning it to others and then playing the "ignorance" "I don't know" and "I don't have an answer for that" card.

You can plainly see and point out those who have control of their lives and those who are controlled by everything and everyone else---but this is a willingness...not a victimization by the outer world.  It is really an attack against themselves---though they have themselves convinced it is everything and everyone else's fault.  You will hear someone controlled by circumstance and a need for acceptance and approval say on a pretty regular basis "I wasn't looking for it...it just happened."  Although these words can be spoken by anyone ...they are not usually part of a continual repertoire attempting to defend an action.  If you read between the lines of these words, what they actually are saying is "I had no control over it, it is the fault of the circumstance."  They defend their "intention" by saying "I wasn't looking for it"...but it happened anyway (TO ME).  So these words are meant to deflect their responsibility of the choice they made and somehow make them look like a victim of circumstance.

People who exert control over their lives are those who consistently make conscientious decisions...they are well-thought out and all things are considered.  They are the ones whose lives seem to be on track and the company they keep seem to have the same mindset.  They are the ones who often say "I thought about it and decided it was or wasn't the best thing to do"  or "I'm happy with the decision I have made" or "I make no apologies for the choices I've made."  What they are really saying is "I've taken full responsibility for the choice I made in this circumstance" "I own the choices I've made."  Can you see the difference?

And we all make mistakes and sometimes spur-of-the-moment decisions....but the wise choose insight to figure out why they've made choices that negatively impact their lives so that they lessen the chances of it happening again.  The unwise...never learn.  They cannot use insight---and don't even know what it is...because every choice they make is governed by all that is outside where nothing else is considered but that circumstance in that particular moment in time.  They crave approval, adoration, suspense, and new, all the time--but it is so funny that as transparent as they become behind their actions, they always try to defend them in some way...and ignorance is usually the most played card--with pity coming in a very close second.  What creates this mindset and way of life?

What is the difference between these two mindsets?  Why is one more apt to go "wait a minute, I need to really think about this" and another so easily persuaded and led without a single thought about consequence?  You almost have to think that it is as simple as one actually cares and one really doesn't.  And on the surface, this is true...but if we were to dig a little deeper (cuz that's how I roll!!)...what is it that causes one person to be careless and another to care?  There could be various reasons, but I think that it is the difference between a healthy sense of self vs. the unhealthy.  The one thing I am definitely convinced of though is whichever mindset you use...it is right for you.

This quote sums it up..."Our lives are the total sum of our choices"  Some live by the premise of  "do onto others as you would have them do unto you" and some live by "do to others before they have a chance to do it to you."  Empathy is the missing link...lack of emotional intelligence.

The difference between reason and excuse:  

A reason needs no explanation nor defense...and excuse always defends and more than likely...it is yourself or your actions you are justifying.  For example:  If your low-gas light in your car is on and the bell is dinging...and you have 60 miles to travel, you will more than likely get gas before you venture on.  No one has to ask you WHY you got gas...the REASON you got gas is because you were low and had many miles left to travel...the car needs gas to function...period.  The reason is obvious.  However, same scenario...but this time, you decide not to get gas, you run out of gas...call a friend to bring enough gas to get you to a gas station...someone is going to ask Why DIDN'T you get gas?  And then...there is the "excuse."  If common sense dictates that cars run on gas and you are on empty before venturing on a 60-mile trip and you neglect to get what the vehicle needs to take you there...then what is the reason---something to do with YOU.  Maybe you didn't feel like getting it, maybe you thought you had more than you actually did, maybe you thought you could make it to the next gas station...who knows...but the reason really is neglect to take proper care, do the right thing...and no consideration of consequence.  THAT is the reason...and I wouldn't even need anyone to explain it to me.  I already know.

The reason needs no explanation...it is the core...the excuse is a mask of intent...they are not interchangeable.  So, wherever you find yourself in your life is exactly where you put yourself....the reason...because that is where you want to be or where your intention put you.  If you continually find yourself back at square one, one has to assume that you like it that way, this is the right way for you.  Your choices reflect the life you live and the life you live is a direct reflection of your choices.  If you find people asking you why you make the choices you do or commenting on the choices you've made, more than likely, they are looking for validation of a moral compass in there somewhere---not necessarily an "explanation."  The reasons are already apparent and no amount of band-aid words (excuses) begin to cover them.  More than likely....these questions are an attempt to make you look inside yourself for the answer...not to elicit a defensive response.   In other words...they are questions that you should probably be asking yourself.

Basic difference...any decision that is under your control, you own.  Any decision that is not..is a valid reason.      

"Insanity--doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."~Albert Einstein.  VERY true story!!

So choices---simply, because you can?  Or....more importantly, because you have a responsibility to care for and about yourself, your life, and that also of your fellow man?

Most people already know the difference.  The questions are really rhetorical.

"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."~Joanne Kathleen Rowling.

"To live is to choose--but to choose well, you must know who you are and what you stand for, where you want to go and why you want to get there."~Kofi Annan.

"Until a person can say deeply and honestly 'I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday', that person cannot say 'I choose otherwise.."~Steven R. Covey.

"Some people confuse acceptance with apathy, but there is all the difference in the world.  Apathy fails to distinguish what can and what cannot be helped, acceptance makes that distinction.  Apathy paralyzes that will-to-action; acceptance frees it by relieving it of impossible burdens."~Arthur Gordon.

"Do or do not, there is no try."~Yoda.

"The robber of your free will...writes Epictetus, does not exist."~Marcus Aurelius.

"Don't do what you'll have to find an excuse for."~Proverb.

"Excuses are the tools with which persons with no purpose in view build for themselves great mountains of nothing."~Steven Grayhm.

And finally....."There is no such thing as a list of reasons.  There is either one sufficient reason or a list of excuses.~Robert Brault.

On a personal note...I raised my children with this thought:  Whatever commitment you are thinking of making--think long and hard about it before you make the final decision to enter into it.  Once that promise is made, you will not be permitted to quit.  Others are counting on your presence.  Whatever it is you make a choice to do...do it to the very best of your ability, because if you don't, you will let yourself and others down...and you will, yourself regret it, and others will see you as someone who cannot be counted on.  Holding fast to your promise and doing your very best will never make you shameful...however, going against a promise or a haphazard performance breeds it.   Although there are never any guarantees in life and there WILL be times when all of the effort you can possibly expend will not seem to make a difference, or when circumstances beyond your control will seemingly render your efforts meaningless--those are the times when fate is telling you that this particular venture just isn't meant to be for YOU. However, even in those times, wouldn't it be better to KNOW that there wasn't anything else you could have done differently because you gave it all you had...than to walk away with the burdensome feeling that you were..quite possibly... the reason it didn't work?  I'm proud to say that for the most part...my now-adult children understand this and through this concept alone, they've achieved personal successes that were beyond their own expectations and have a pretty good grasp of who they are.,..and the best part of it is THEY are not ashamed.

That's it for today kids....have a good night!!  :)

Peace.

Whisper on a scream

Wishing all a VERY good morning...it is so good to be alive and well.

I started my day off today viewing a You Tube lecture entitled "The Prescription for Happiness" by Deepak Chopra.  This is not the first of his lectures that I have taken part in...nor will it be the last.  This lecture was based on principles of Buddha (who is known as the first enlightened being).  The snippets of the story of the life of Buddha that were outlined for the purpose of the lecture (as smiling faces in the audience filled with anticipation of a breakthrough) brought me to tears--as I have already had quite a few of them leading me to where I am today...though, there are a couple that I still struggle with.

Yesterday, as I sat re-reading the content of the book I am working on and revising and editing, I realized that I wasn't very pleased with something...I couldn't really put my finger on it...but at the time I wrote it, it felt right, I liked it, but now, with new eyes on a new day, I wasn't quite pleased.  It didn't seem to be the content as much as the context of the content.  It wasn't so much what I was saying or trying to convey, but (in places) how I was saying it--where it was coming from... and the FORMAT that was confusing.  I realized that I was missing something.  My platform is shaky and inconsistent.   I don't want my purpose to be reduced to a "speech."  I am not an expert in anything except being me.  I had to tone down "talking" a bit and instead invite a conversation to take place between myself and the reader---where I listened as much as a spoke.  Don't get me wrong, in places...I was part of a whole, but in others, I stood alone as the whole in itself (contextually speaking)--see what I mean?  Shaky and confusing.  This got me a bit down, not enough to tank it, but just enough to seek a higher voice, a better way, a cohesive solution.

I've grown SO much in the past year that it is actually tactile...I can see it, I can feel it, and it comes BEFORE me in my intention, the thoughts that follow, to the action that inevitably unfolds.  I can see a sharp contrast in some areas, and in others, a building of more power where I already had strength.  If I could put my heart and mind into words, this was the space in which I found myself yesterday via my journal entry for the day:  Learning that it is hard to write about a journey while you are on it...when the scenery changes so much on that road and through the growth process...and what you saw just a month ago takes on a sometimes new and definitively more expansive dynamic and form--and back-space becomes your best friend...and renders the work of your hands to pure vanity. Need to design a better format for contextual content. Leave it to me to bite off the existential!


I realized that an earlier inclination to think, think some more, and over-think was a thing of the past.  Instead, I relinquished my "will" to the silence.  I listened for an answer...to the ultimate question "what am I missing here."  I knew it wasn't my understanding of what I was trying to convey, I knew that it wasn't the words themselves on the pages.  It was ME...something inside of ME that was reflecting the jumbled nature of the whole.  I let it go.  I meditated before bed.  I allowed the thought to gloss over my mind...but then trusted that an answer would come.  This is my new inclination, and with anything new...we need time to learn how to properly utilize it to gain its maximum potential.  Now with this new inclination which has brought such an abrupt change in my mindset, there needed to be found...the balance in it, the point of harmony.  I would have to wait for it to present itself to me.  


As I mentioned, I started my day off (before I visited any social networking site or did anything but get my cup of coffee ready) with this lecture.  In this lecture, the answer unfolded.  


Nirvana:  Discovering the REAL you.  


1).  Be aware of your body.  (This one, I already have!!) :)
2).  Live in the present moment. (This one I've recently surrendered to!!) :)
3).  Embrace silence (Another new practice, but astoundingly profitable and also recently discovered) :)
4).  Relinquishing need for external approval.  (This one was tricky...I already had this one too...I've never gone so far as being a people pleaser, or caring too much what others thought of me, whether they liked me or not (I didn't care to control) but I could be swayed by specific circumstance to unwittingly seek this from the object of which I felt my sense of self-worth was suffering). We'll give this one a   :/
5.  Get rid of toxic emotions.  (THIS is a work in progress...and I found within my expression a reflection of this teeter-tottering.  From my book's beginnings until now, there has been much growth...as I erase the old mindset, I delete much content). :(
6).  Total knowledge--transcendence.  (THANK GOD for this one...it's what keeps me going---I KNOW this one. :)
7).  Don't judge others or yourself (Another transformation in progress, which goes along with the initial development of toxic emotions...it comes before them...so backspacing that out too).  :)
8).  Remove all toxins from your life.  (I haven't even begun this one!!) :(
9).  Replace fear-based thinking with love-based thinking---I got this one DOWN!! :)
10).  Cultivate witness awareness--no problems with this one either!! :)


So...without fear of being honest with myself or exposing my demons, the problems I face in my writing of this book are the reflection of my own spiritual struggles within the content.  My inner content is in a constant state of welcomed metamorphosis.  The good news is that I have discovered a solid platform to convey from, which has also provided me also with a title (which I usually don't stamp onto any of my work until it is allowed to unfold effortlessly behind the content) but have (much to my amazement) found in that place of balance in between the beginning and the end this time.  This proves to me that I've attached nothing to the outcome.  Funny how what blazed off of my fingers onto those pages thinking would touch someone else, help someone else, or aid someone else in the expansion of their consciousness was the very thing that made me grow MYSELF.  


So my weaker self (which is also ALWAYS the louder voice) wants to convince me that it was all for nothing...it was wasted time and it laughs at me, makes fun of my efforts and reminds me of how much work it is going to take to revamp, revise, and finish with any amount of integrity and solidarity to the knowledge and wisdom I have attained since beginning the task.  Though my higher self whispers with confidence and says:  "Shut up!!  You have NO IDEA what I am made of do you?  My intent has not changed.  That which I wish to bring to light hasn't changed.  The discrepancy only lies within a more evolved attitude--which is a BETTER case scenario...better to learn now than to obliviously press on to awaited failure.


So, knowing that I am a work in progress in some areas, I think it best to just change those things I feel confident in changing now and leave the others until their appointed time.  There is no other time than the right time...and it is not here yet...but it is coming.  This I know for certain. 


Thanks for allowing me to banter on...I love this blog...as it is a consistent paper-trail to my growth process.  Every post is new to the day, the moment.  I don't ever have to worry about revision because it is here right now...always.  New day, new post, new vantage point, new me.  


To my faithful readers...God bless you and thank you for your validation.  It's part-n-parcel of what keeps me motivated.  


Raina