Into the great wide-open...

Good morning!!

Boy, it is a brisk one indeed...windows closed and if I had some kindling inside, I would probably build a fire in the fireplace to chase the chill out of the house...though, I would probably be sorry about mid-day when the temps decide to climb up into the 80s!

Everything is going pretty well these days. All of my kids are officially "adults" now and I am ushering in change. The more the better. Although, I have noticed that some of these changes are exhausting and take some getting used to. Others, I am not so sure if I like right now..and yet there is ONE area of my life that NEEDS an overhaul IMMEDIATELY if not sooner, and that is the "job" area. I have been stuck in the same career now for over 16 years and it has gotten to the point where this position has been widdled down to nothing more than a number to assist the rich in getting richer...there is no real contribution here and I do it ONLY for the paycheck. There is NO sense of wellbeing attached to what I spend most of my week doing and it is taking its toll on my psyche. So I am actively searching for something different.

For so many years, I was afraid of change, I think. I am a creature of habit, I guess...I liked the security of the familiar, but for some reason, now, I have this overbearing NEED to spread my wings and dive into things unconventional and foreign to me. It is like this sense of freedom and a whole great big world out there, and I want to break out of this cocoon I've safely wrapped myself up in and fly into unchartered territory. I am bored with the familiar, and unhappy with the illusion of certainty. I have rediscovered this vitality within me that I have not been acquainted with since my teens...and the funny thing is...I think others are noticing it too. I'm not even really all that picky about type of work I get either because, to me, it will be temporary until I finish my education, I just know that I cannot continue to do what I am doing now because it just doesn't fit into the mindset anymore and hasn't for a very long time. It is an infernal buzz-kill to be sure!

So wish me luck on lining up what I do for a living to my overall sense of making a contribution...and I will wish for you all peace, joy, and freedom in your future endeavors as well!!

"Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning.”~Benjamin Franklin.

"Growth means change and change involves risk, stepping from the known to the unknown." ~Unknown author.

“It's not what we eat but what we digest that makes us strong; not what we gain but what we save that makes us rich; not what we read but what we remember that makes us learned; and not what we profess but what we practice that gives us integrity.”~Francis Bacon, Sr.

The mark of true genius..chaotic complexity or humble simplicity?

Well, it has been a couple of dreary and kinda chilly days round these parts!! Yesterday, a milestone...my youngest graduated high school with a regents diploma of advanced designation and recieved 3 scholarship awards. So the first two years of college paid for and THEN SOME!! Congrats to my baby girl!! During the Valedictorian Address given by her friend and softball team-mate, I got very emotional over the wisdom in the words she spoke. WOW..at such a young age, these kids seem to be running circles around we late bloomers!! And the thing that is most striking to me was the action that predated those words. A true example of genuine character,speaking metaphorically, analytically, and matter-of-factly...standing firm in her words...in defense of them...and more importantly, breathing life into them. Contratulations to you as well T.K., and best wishes to you in your future endeavors, you have and will continue to succeed!

Every milestone and experience in life that I am merely a witness to that evokes some sort of deep emotional response in me is a catalyst for piquing my curiosity and sending me into thought overdrive...and trust me...the sky is the limit here!! Once that curiosity gets spinning, I can attach a similarity to the most seemingly opposing ideas...and I LOVE when that happens.

That being said, I have had occasion to watch a fair amount of the Science channel...well, Morgan Freeman/Through the Wormhole. First of all, I LOVE Morgan Freeman, secondly, some of the topics on this show are excedingly interesting to me. I am really not much of a science buff, but there is a place for it within my thought process to be sure. There are all of these opposing ideas of how the universe came into being and where/how human beings originated. The theory of "everything" is a very intriguing subject; however, I do not believe that science ALONE will ever uncover the entire truth, and this is the missing piece of the puzzle...there seems to be no acceptance of global idea here...each scientific theorist holds firm to their belief and forges ahead with a "preconcieved idea" and conviction...UNTIL they discover something within that mindset that perplexes them...and isn't this the way of things..the way to keep people intrigued enough to keep searching. They can put years and years of effort into researching and experimenting and theorizing to bring tangible evidence to an idea..only to find within it...another riddle, which could invariably stall the forward progression and force them to detour and maybe join forces with team of a quite different theory. THIS is where I believe answers will be found...when forces are JOINED and acceptance is practiced...because I believe that the answer to the "theory of everything" can only be found in "everything"...everyone/everything holds a piece of the truth...and within that truth is a common thread that runs through all. It is not science/mathematics/history versus philosophy/psychology/faith...but an equal measure of all. There is such a vast amount of variables in every question we pose to ourselves and we can create such COMPLEXITY out of things so simple. I believe that common sense should reign and allow the tangible/proven aspects confirm and validate. Not EVERYONE can understand scientific method..mathematical correlates...but I do believe that each and every one of us is innately equipped with common sense...what good is discovering the TRUTH if a large percentage of people cannnot fully understand how we arrived at it?

My take....SIMPLE is the key. If you look around you, you can see how everything around us has really always been...only, it becomes more refined...and through this "refining" process...it is looked at as being "better." Ancient architecture...hand-carving slabs of marble into staircases, cathedrals, etc...versus the modern arcitecture we see today...more simple, less time...BUT a building nevertheless. The act of refining is like a polishing of what already is...simplifying...just as mathematicians simplify...I believe the answer is just SIMPLE..and the powers that be are watching all of the tail chasing and laughing...because in the end, if we ever do catch our tails...we only end up with a mouthful of ass anyway!! Right?

"All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree."~Albert Einstein.

"No amount of experimentation can ever prove me right; a single experiment can prove me wrong."~Albert Einstein.

"The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking."~Albert Einstein.

Good Day Friends!

Three, is the magic number...yes it is...the magic number...

What a beautiful morning...we have had some pretty gnarly thunderstorms overnight for the past two nights! This morning, I was awakened at 3:33...by a huge clap of thunder...and I do NOT like that time! Although I have found that throughout my life the number 3 follows me EVERYWHERE..3 a.m. gets a bad wrap for "darkness" as this seems to be the time when sinister things seem to happen...but the number 3 also denotes TRUTH...and that kids, is what I am all about! I remember years ago waking up, looking at my clock--it was 3:33..and no sooner did I take my eyes of the clock, the CD player in my daughters' room across the hall began to play the 3rd track of the CD that was in it...yeah..all by itself!! Freaked me OUT! I researched and researched thinking someone from the other side was trying to get my attention...I sort of figured it was a dear friend of mine who unfortunately took his own life....his birthday was June 3 and when I went to his gravesite, I was reminded that his marker had a picture of his favorite NASCAR driver with his car on it...Harry Gant...#33..so there are some three's up in there right? On Father's day, my honey and I went to the cemetary to pay a visit to his beloved son and while there, I expressed that my dad was buried there as well but every time I looked for his marker, I could never find him!! As we were driving out of the cemetary, by honey said.."right there..that gray stone" so we got out of the truck and walked over and THERE he was---in section 6, 3 rows back..3+3+3...yeah. Below, I will share just a little bit of the significance of 3...read on...

The Number Three
In this number we have quite a new set of phenomena. We come to the first geometrical figure. Two straight lines cannot possibly enclose any space, or form a plane figure; neither can two plan surfaces form a solid. Three lines are necessary to form a plan figure; and three dimensions of length, breadth, and height, are necessary to form a solid. Hence three is the symbol of the cube--the simplest form of solid figure. As two is the symbol of the square, or plane contents (x2), so three is the symbol of the cube, or solid contents (x3).

Three, therefore, stands for that which is solid, real, substantial, complete, and entire.

All things that are specially complete are stamped with this number three.

God's attributes are three: omniscience, omnipresence, and omnipotence.

There are three great divisions completing time--past, present, and future.

Three persons, in grammar, express and include all the relationships of mankind.

Thought, word, and deed, complete the sum of human capability.

Three degrees of comparison complete our knowledge of qualities.

The simplest proposition requires three things to complete it; viz., the subject, the predicate, and the copula.

Three propositions are necessary to complete the simplest form of argument--the major premiss, the minor, and the conclusion.

Three kingdoms embrace our ideas of matter--mineral, vegetable, and animal.


When we turn to the Scriptures, this completion becomes Divine, and marks Divine completeness or perfection.

Three is the first of four perfect numbers.

Three denotes divine perfection;
Seven denotes spiritual perfection;
Ten denotes ordinal perfection; and
Twelve denotes governmental perfection.
Hence the number three points us to what is real, essential, perfect, substantial, complete

So...the next time you see the number 3, 33 or 333...it may not be "bewitching" in any form...it may just be a message that you are doin' okay!!

Blessings..

I think I can...

Good Evening!

It is Father's Day 2011 and I am sitting at my kitchen island thinking, I really oughta post something in my blog...it's been a while. I am really at a loss right now as to what to share other than mundane, everyday crap. I do; however, have a bit of a hurdle I am trying to jump over and it keeps catching me in the shins...this little thing called insecurity/worry. Everything else in my life seems to be falling quite nicely into place, I am happy. I have a very hard time letting go of some things tho. It isn't that I don't want to...like these things benefit me in any way...I think I have just been playing the "one step ahead" game for so long, it is hard to work your way out of that sort of thought process. I am not going to be too aweful hard on myself though because, I am TRYING and I have made several little steps in the right direction. It is a process and will take time...it becomes habitual/second nature. Sometimes...it just seems to big for me to conquer, but I LOVE a challenge!! The thing is, I know that letting it go will free me...I think I am just afraid to be completely free or something...or to give more of me than is SAFE to give...but I will say it again, there are no guarantees and there is a risk component to every decision we make and I KNOW I can do this...but I need to be patient with myself...nothing wonderful EVER comes overnight...or without hard work. Baby steps..

Well, that is really all I have to share today, other than Happy Father's Day to all the men out there fortunate enough to be called "dad." My dad is not with me physically anymore, but always with me in spirit..so to you dad.."Happy Daddy's Day...I miss your face!!

"It's not who you are that holds you back,it's who you think you're not." ~Unknown.

"The light of starry dreams can only be seen once we escape the binding cities of disbelief."~Shawn Purvis.

Much love

"The rest is still unwritten.."

Hi everyone!!

Well, it is a sorta dreary, gray morning here and a little cool for what I would expect for JUNE!! But hey, that just goes to show, shit happens and no matter what we have maybe become accustomed to or expect, the unexpected still exists...however, as I look out my window, I still see green grass, shrubs, and leaves on the trees, pink and white flowers, and the red, white, and blue on the flag pole in my neighbors front lawn, so a cool, gray day in June isn't as bad as a cool, gray day in say....January, where EVERYTHING seems to be black and white!! I'll take it!!

I seem to be changing too...well, not WHO I am, but the things that interest me, the way I spend my time, got my hair cut pretty short yesterday and contemplating getting my very first tattoo...Where I was spending most of my time, energy, and money on my home, I now am ramming everywhere and am barely ever home..I believe I have surrendered to the "next chapter." I was afraid I guess that if I stepped out on my own, I would feel selfish...and to be honest, I had forgotten how to do that...living for yourself, making decisions for yourself, doing things for yourself...all of that becomes a thing of the past the day you bring that beautiful tiny human being home from the hospital. I can actually remember back then thinking what a complete 180 that was to my life...My schedule was not my own, I couldn't chose what time to go to bed, what time to wake up, whether or not I would be afforded a nap, time to catch a bite to eat, some alone time...it was all out of my hands. I remember feeling lost sometimes, scared to death a lot of times, and unsure of my capability to be a good parent and a loving mommy--I was SO TIRED all the time. This little person was dependent upon me for EVERYTHING and I remember thinking for a short time that maybe I wasn't capable because it just seemed SO HARD at first. I had NO idea what I was doing and although I LOVED my little one so very much, I didn't have that "natural maternal instict"...at least I didn't think I did..I was also trying to adjust to "married life" as well...in a quite impossible situation...but I came through with flying colors, and my first little baby led me to have 2 more and by that time, the mom thing had gone from uncertainty and fear to confidence and pure JOY. I had adapted to that chapter after a short period of adjustment. As I write this, my youngest and a girl she had gone to day-care with from age 3 leave for school for the very last time. It is the last day of a senior year of high school for baby #3.

Turn the page....

I think this adjustment will be a bit easier because it is something that I have done before...I was me before I was the me my children have come to know and love as their "mom." Mom is just a facet of who I am...and that part of me will ALWAYS be there...and I have accepted that it is OKAY to retire that full-time identity to a per-diem position. They do not need constant nurture, guidance, and inspiration because now, it seems that this is what they do for me. The completed circle...and now it is time for me to concentrate on adult things...adult love, adult fun, adult LIFE...and be proud of another successful chapter on my adventure to begin and complete yet another...and I think there is someone who has been waiting for me to live our "happily ever after." I love you.

Why always "not yet"? Do flowers in spring say "not yet"? ~Norman Douglas.

"I'm less interested in why we're here. I'm wholly devoted to while we're here." ~Erika Harris.

"To change one's life: Start immediately. Do it flamboyantly. No exceptions." ~William James.

"He has to walk...."

Hello and happy Sunday morning to everyone:

I have kind of gone back on my promise to myself to post something every day, but I forgive myself cuz sometimes, life just happens and sometimes, you LIVE it instead of trying to figure out reasons not to. This comes closest to my explanation of my brief hiatus. I'm in the middle of a learning curve right now that demands my attention...and we all know what learning does..it provides interesting conversation and builds wisdom. It is much like the narration of a story...you pretty much have to know the story line in and out to be able to narrate effectively and provide your listeners with enough credibility to take them through beginning to end. This is true as well for a writer. Writing is an outlet for the writer, and entertainment or a teaching tool for the reader. In order to pull something out, there has to be something in there. So this is what I have been doin'--fillin' up!

I'd like to talk a bit today about grace. The type of grace related to approval/favor/mercy/pardon/privilege/reprieve and not so much the opposite of clumbsy.

This is what I believe to be experiencing now. It pretty much could be termed the "unknown virtue" and it is the ONLY one that we have absolutely no control over, which is why it is so elusive in nature. We need to participate in kindness, patience, compassion, forgiveness, to name a few, and we all know how difficult it is to practice these virtues and make them a part of our every day existence because of circumstance. However, grace is more of an "energy given" BUT it seems that it is what results in the above-mentioned virtues but happens in ways that we least expect it and at times that we wouldn't fathom, but when it does happen, we realize it has. I take my cues from energies...I can read them and understand them and I pretty much know what is required of me in those cirumstances. I can hope and pray for something and I can see how the circumstances line up to that specific hope to provide grace, but I've realized that grace has its own time and its own way...and I believe this is God's way of continually letting us KNOW that spiritual intelligence way outweighs mental capability to comprehend. When this is recognized, you stand in awe and think..."now why didn't I think of that" or "how come I didn't see this result out of the many potential results I predicted" and this is because God is the master designer...PERIOD and this higher power uses grace to illustrate how when we think we know it all, we really know nothing. I have had a couple occurrences in the past few months where I was so sure that "something" was going to happen in a certain situation as I could feel the vibe and I even expressed pretty much "This is what is going to happen." BUT MAN...just like a well-written screen-play....when the end came, I had to retrace the events leading up. It did not happen in the way I would have expected or FEARED that it would, but rather in a way that evoked the GREATER GOOD and bigger benefit for all...it was a way that it had no choice but to evoke DEEP thought and render cold, hard truth. Some may call this Karma...and I do too. But Karma is not Karma if it does not teach...and when it does, it becomes grace...It is a chance given by the cosmos to stop, think, and move in a different direction, but it tends to do so in a way that makes any other route impossible.

It becomes an adjusting of your attitude...but in a way that is virtually unavoidable. For example: If there is a car crash and they extricate the driver and he/she is deceased at the scene, medical experts have the ability to be able to evaluate all of the injuries and pretty much with close to 100% accuracy, point out a single cause of death. However, if you have an identical accident and the driver him/herself walks away from it with bumps and bruises despite the fact that the vehicle looks as though that could not be possible...no one studies the cause of LIFE or can tell you with close to 100% accuracy what caused that person to LIVE through it.

There seems to be an unavoidable, almost undeniable recognition of something in your life that you just keep coming back to, no matter the number of negative circumstance surrounding it. I had mentioned in a prior post, pride and principal. These two cannot effectively work against destiny.. and destiny, is where grace steps in...it is a nudging you in the direction that deep down, you really KNOW you need to go, but your ego, your pride, and your mind may fight and tell you otherwise...but if you RECOGNIZE grace in its infinite wisdom, you become CONVINCED despite yourself that the road you have traveled thus far has been the right road, only most times, there are twists and turns that you did not expect but become the epitome of the journey once the destination is reached. And funny, how this KNOWING is where you ultimately end up when you render yourself to the evidence displayed by grace...it becomes a validation.

What I knew would happen, happened in a very interesting, unexpected, and wonderful way...and I had NOTHING to do with it...and to be honest, I am very glad it didn't happen the way I had envisioned it...but the central idea had come to fruition..and I am thankful.

"Grace is given to heal the spiritually sick, not to decorate spiritual heroes."~Martin Luther King Jr.

"Grace is to the body what good manners are to the mind."Francois de la Rochefoucauld.

For by grace are ye saved through faith; and not of yourselves; it is a gift of God, not of works, lest any man should boast."~Holy Bible.

An avowel of poverty is no disgrace to any man; to make no effort to escape it is indeed disgraceful."~Thucydides.

Have a great day...and remember, recognize those signs of grace and utilize them in reaching your destiny...that is what they are there for!!

Much love..

Signed,
Grateful, thankful, hopeful.

The truth is....

Good Morning Everyone!!

Well, it has been a few days since I last posted..been getting up a little late, now that summer is here, my Hester prefers to sleep on the porch furniture. Truth is, I have been rather busy lately with traveling to watch my daughter's softball games among other things. Another truth is, I really haven't been able to settle my mind down long enough to sit and write anything because everything has all been just a bit hectic.

Truth is....hmmm, guess I will begin there. The truth is something you can never escape. It is always there. You can hide it, you can run from it, you can bend it, you can ignore it, or you can just turn it into a lie...but it is always there and at some point, we all gotta face it. Every truth we try to avoid in some way ultimately does the most damage to the one avoiding it. It's funny how it eats away at you but you can find some other excuse all the time.."it's this or that" and then you waste time trying to fix the "this or that" that really doesn't need fixing...they are just offspringing problems from the truth you avoid. You can make yourself "feel" better temporarily, but the truth will not leave you alone until you FACE it, tell it to yourself, and concede to it. Otherwise, you may very well end up living a self-sabatoging life, spending your valuable time sweeping up the messes you make by your avoidance.

I have lately had to render myself to a truth that I had avoided for a time out of hurt, pride, and principle. I am very big on PRINCIPLE...but sometimes truth and principle do NOT go hand in hand and the truth always brings a bigger battle. The truth goes hand in hand with LOVE. They are actually one in the same to me I guess. You know you are avoiding this when the internal dialect starts to take over your life...where you head and heart are in constant arguement. The head owns principle...the heart owns love, and each of them battle it out inside your gutts until you just cannot take it anymore...Your choices? Self-sabatoge or surrender. My facebook status one day was "You can only lie to yourself for so long before you begin to turn into someone you don't even know or like anymore." THIS is the TRUTH. Life is about RISKS...there are no guarantees in anything. Most of the choices we make are at best, the "more reasonable" all around for our lives, but they have no guarantee attached stating you can retract that decision and get something equally as good in return...and this is where hope and faith step in. Without them, we would just be wandering idiots...much like we are when we are avoiding the truth, because in those times, you also lose your faith and hope because they cannot be utilized without truth and love.

I have been a wandering idiot now for about 5 months because I let principle and pride step in for love and truth. It was; however, a place I needed to be for a time. There are places we all must VISIT once in a while to help us gain perspective...those dark places of regret, anger, revenge...sometimes, we need reminding of the difference and this is WHY there is an opposite...they are there for OUR UTILIZATION in times of confusion and distress. It is very important; however, that you do not pack your bags and move right in though, because it is a place of temporary animated suspension and not meant to build a life upon, it floats, and it never reaches the ground. The only place with no opposite is ONE..this is the place of convergence of love and truth, hope and faith...and this is the place where the internal dialect ceases, you see most clearly, and you wake in the morning without that gnawing emptiness in the pit of your stomach where a smile reaches your face and you feel you can breathe again.

The thing I have learned is when there is still TRY inside you, when there is still CARE inside you, when there is still FIGHT inside you, and most importantly, when there is still LOVE inside you...you take as many risks and chances as it takes because to not do so will turn you callous and cold and your life into a never-ending search for comfort and some may be found, but it is never lasting. The biggest victory is to conquer self. Love will always find its way, this is out of your control and it is a very MEAN, MEAN monster if you attempt to cross it.

Stop the arguement inside, surrender and forgive...it is all for your benefit, and a gift to those to use it with open eyes.

"The truth is rarely pure and never simple." ~Oscar Wilde.

"Love takes off the masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within"~James Arthur Baldwin.

"Unless your heart and soul and your whole being are behind every decision you make, the words from your mouth will be empty and each action will be meaningless. Truth and confidence are the roots of happiness."~Unknown.

Living against the truth turns you away from your natural state of being, becomes a life of habit, one without any moral character, one without any meaning, one without any sense of self. It is dangerous.

Much love to all, have a great day!!

What a winner is made of....

What a beautiful morning this is!! Sun is shining, birds are singing, it is cool and colorful outside. LOVE mornings like this one.

Today is a very special day for my baby-girl...her team made it all the way to Section Championships and play tonite for their place in overall Section Championships. They have only suffered one loss the entire season and have won their last 11 games. There was a very nice write-up in one of our local newspapers where my daughter and the pitcher were headlined. One of those irreplaceable memories!! A win today will render with it a title, Section V Division D Champions...and then to Section Champs, and then perhaps even State Champs...who knows, right? Sky's the limit!

The emotions these girls must be feeling...pride, excitement, uncertainty, fear, confidence, optimism, and most importantly.....DESIRE TO EXCEL...and here is the funny thing about desire/wanting...it can be good or bad...what turns wanting into a GOOD thing is giving everything you got to get it and displaying that for all to see, and these girls have DONE this every game. Overconfidence will bite you in the ass EVERY time, there has to be a balance of emotion, a caution in your actions, and every breath you take has to be one of believing you can do this, but at the same time knowing that there are no guarantees, and just as you prepare for the WIN, you also have to be mindful that it really could go either way. I think this is what has propelled them as far as they have gone...their mindset of "team" and "sportsmanship." They have won the sportsmanship award for the entire area voted on by the officials. There is no sense of entitlement here because there is no place for that on a fair playing field. Small town girls, small town values. Sometimes, I wonder if THEY even believe what is happening to them right now...I mean, they know they deserve to be where they are, but at the same time, I think they are rolling on a sense of wonder of it all...like they are living a dream, and one that comes true "ONE PITCH AT A TIME."

Art imitates life. What is it in your life right now that gives you that desire to excel, that winning attitude, that balance of emotion? What is it that you are willing to put your all into to obtain? What goal do you have in mind and what are you doing to achieve that goal...are you coasting with a lacadazical attitude that whatever happens will be entirely up to random circumstance, or are you displaying that desire to achieve and excel? A life well-lived is one where opportunity is always sought and embraced for the construct of good character and the greater good of all involved.

To personally answer the question I posed...everything in my life brings this out in me. However, there are times when emotions tip off balance because we are all human. There are feelings of inadequacy that loom around us all at times that we have to fight because they are the enemy of victory. At the closing of each chapter of life, we learn and from where I sit today...the students have become the teachers, and I will BE THERE come what may today at this game...whether to celebrate a win or mourn a loss..and in either case, I will carry with me a sense of pride and immense respect for these young people who I KNOW will have given it all they HAVE with every breath they take until they walk off that field tonite and I will feel blessed by them for reminding me what is MOST important.

BEST OF LUCK TO ALL OF MY LADY BOBCATS...And to the seniors, Taylor, Michaela, Kip, and Ashley...I've watched you all grow up before my eyes, and you have all turned into very beautiful, competent, and giving people. You hold this team together...lets keep em there ONE MORE TIME!! To Bob...my deepest, most sincere thank-you for following these girls up to this level...everything happens for a reason, and I have a feeling this will be your most memorable season ever. And Lyle...for stepping in and being "big daddy" to the team...they love you! God Bless all of you...and see ya there tonite!!

"The inner thought coming from the heart represents the real motives and desires. These are the cause of action."~Raymond Holliwell.

When your desires are strong enough,you will appear to possess superhuman powers to achieve."~Napoleon Hill.

Signing today...makin' crazy moves and clothed in the desire to WIN.