A thundering voice comes from the depths and says: "These are things to remind you of what you NEVER had" and then these pictures started flashing before my eyes:
A couple gazing into each other's eyes over a dinner table, holding hands.
A home soon to be empty of children...a couple plans for a trip abroad.
A diamond solitaire ring being placed upon a woman's finger as she sleeps on her birthday.
A glass plaque with an inscription that says "I will always love you."
An empty parking space in the driveway.
A couple working together on their new home; the redesign of a kitchen and dining room.
Daily laughter.
Dancing without music.
Words as daggers, lulling and stabbing, stroking and bludgeoning-but having no meaning.
An assortment of women who I didn't recognize gathered around my life, standing in for me in parts of it, and I knowing that I never would have even wanted to meet them had it been my choice.
In this dream, there always seemed to be a truth missing somewhere....however, the only truth I could remember always really knowing but never understanding, hoping wasn't true but was...fell from the lips of this man in my dream who had two mouths and resembled a clown: Out of the first mouth comes the words: "I get it now" "I have put myself in the same place I put you" "I love you and I will spend the rest of my life proving it to you if that is what it takes" and I watch as his appearance slowly begins to transform from a clown to a prince and I am impressed with his seemingly sincere nobility.
Just as these words begin to comfort me and his appearance begins to impress me, his other mouth speaks and says: "I don't love you, and I don't want to be with you."
I speak and say: "You never were....the end of something is nothing but a tangible validation of its beginning. It is not different, but the same. The conception of a thing is the same as it's ultimate emergence. The final outcome is only the proof of intent."
He laughs from the mouth that spoke last and his appearance again begins to change. The devastation begins as the other mouth speaks and says: "I care for and worry about you, that will never change."
This clown/prince was attempting to kill me in my dream for what seemed like years, and as he was delivering the final blow, I woke up---a little sweaty, scared, and disillusioned, but as I sat alone in the dark and I began to get my bearings and figure out where I was, my focus became readjusted and I remembered....HERE, RIGHT HERE, where I have been all along.
As I became fully awakened, I heard a soft voice whisper to me: "Dear child, you have gone out to comfort others; being concerned to save a life through a word, and you have worked with your hands as a ransom for your sins. You have not been one to reach out your hands to receive and draw them back from giving. You have not been of two minds nor spoken from both sides of your mouth, which has saved you from a deadly trap. You have been your own good law-giver and remain a faithful adviser to yourself and work diligently to remove all hypocrisy from yourself. I have given you wisdom, understanding, perception, and knowledge of my righteous demands and patience...Because you love me, I will rescue you and protect you, for you acknowledge my name. Now dear one, commune with your own heart on your bed and be still."
Isn't it crazy how real bad dreams really feel...like you are actually living them? But how very soon they are forgotten and you laugh at them and yourself for ever being afraid as soon as you realize that none of it was real.
So to all of you scary monsters out there that make your appearances in the dreams of the innocent as they enter their rest, you should be ashamed of yourselves...(is that even possible for monster characters in nightmares?), cuz I got a feeling that the hell that you came from and attempted to usher into my dreams was probably a day at the beach for ya...maybe you should go get yourself a bucket and shovel, make the most of it, and enjoy it while you can. Thank GOD you were just a figment of my imagination and that you have no real power to hurt me...cuz all I had to do was WAKE UP, listen to the voice of love, and your reign of terror was over---just like that!
Go back to Never-Never Land you impostor...I'm awake now and fully recognize what is real and what isn't. Representatives of peace, truth, and love have also visited me in my dreams...only when I wake up, they remain with me...and that's how I know they are real.
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