Integration

Good morning friends!!

I am sitting here this morning with all kinds of thoughts whirling through my mind...all of them are very different and polar...oh no...am I am becoming bi-tri-or quadripolar? HA! Hmmm, sometimes, I wonder!!

The first thing I noticed is that when I am writing ANYTHING, my focus seems to be very serious with attention to detail...though, this just happens so automatically. However, if I were to be talking with someone, I don't come across that way at ALL!! I use a lot of slang, I cuss a lot, and am VERY animated and somewhat comical...my kids tell me that I don't even have to speak, that people could actually get an idea of everything I am saying through my hand motions, facial expression, and body language!! So this makes me think that although the ideas I put into my writing in large part, touch on the deepest "me"...a lot of "me" is also absent from it.

I am SUCH a goof sometimes, and a lot of times, I laugh at myself because I think to myself "You are SUCH an idiot!!" I can find the humor in anything..everything...and actually LOOK for it, and usually, I find it in the irony---and have no problem pointing it out to anyone who will listen!!

I just find this dynamic to be strange in a way...how it is just so automatic for me to be so analytical and philosophical without even thinking when I write (as if it is a pre-programmed prerequisite to sitting at a keyboard or something)...and I am not saying that I am not that way in "real time"..because I am, but it is not constantly outwardly displayed. I mean, I would be pretty boring if it were.

So this leads me to conclude that writing for me is definitely an outlet...a pressure valve, so to speak. It is a place where I can expel things that bother me, intrigue me, and blend with me on the very deepest level--the place I believe that everyone is most alike and can relate to one another. It may even be the place of the greatest vulnerability inside of me that I would rather share with strangers on a more impersonal level...and in many ways, the venue for "reading" these deeper things about someone else has its value as well. I guess that I sort of hope that when I share some "revelatory" thing personal to me that it may indeed touch on an area in someone else's life, that they, themselves, may think no one else would be "interested" in hearing or knowing about them, so they keep that all inside thinking that no one else could possibly understand that part of them. Or maybe, I am completely off-base there too...who can ever know. It seems that since I have been doing this blog, I have gotten very few responses to anything I have written, though I have continued readership...so it is like having a conversation with myself, only in writing...LOL. I have no idea why my readers continue to return, but I appreciate that you do, for whatever the reason may be.

So, I guess I have discovered that even though my personality may be more laid-back, nonsensical, and completely casual, that it must compliment the more serious and foundational "me." and at the same time, I laugh hysterically at the possible reaction of someone who just reads the stuff I post here if they were to see some of the every-day stuff that goes on on a regular day in the life...

I guess there is something to be said for mystery!!
Hope everyone has a good day and weekend!!

Well, I guess that's it for today...I'll save the other stuff floating around in my brain for another day!!