Good day everyone!!
It isn't even Father's Day yet...but I've been thinking a lot about my dad (who is no longer physically present in my life anymore). This Father's Day will mark the 14th Father's Day of his "physical" absence. I see my dad everywhere though...and I feel his spirit around me all the time. I see him in the daddy strolling his baby down the street, the daddy playing ball with his kids in the yard, the daddy pushing his child in the swing at the park. I see him in the daddy bouncing his baby on his knee--hugging his child after an accomplishment the child has made, and I see him in the daddy "matter-of-factly" laying down the law to the child that wants to just dart across the street BEFORE" looking both ways." I hear his voice in the daddy telling his child "I'm proud of you son...or princess." The spirit of MY dad lives in every dad out there who genuinely takes the time for his children, who really desires to be there, to guide, to mentor, to set a good example. My father is everywhere acceptance and respect for individuality lives.
WHAT I'VE LEARNED OF FATHERHOOD:
The importance of an authentically loving and nurturing male figure in a child's life is sometimes overlooked and most times highly under-rated. Although, it seems that today absent or emotionally-detached fathers--very sadly, overpopulate the ones who stay and care. I was fortunate, I guess...I remember my dad always really being there. He may not have busted his ass to support me in all that I did, but as I got older, he became my most trusted confidant and began to show a real interest in WHO I was, what I was becoming, and why I behaved the way I did...and instead of being judgmental, he just accepted. I thank you dad for that...because your propensity to accept and your willingness to understand were indeed passed along to me...and I have passed those virtues, as well, on to your grandchildren. Your crowning achievement of fatherhood is found in my ability to take GOOD care of myself and those that I love. I know that you know all that your "baby girl" has been through and all that she has conquered and transcended...and I KNOW that you are VERY proud of me. The persistence to push through, and the balancing act of strength and resilience are traits I picked up from watching you.
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING A FATHER WILL EVER TEACH HIS DAUGHTER
1) How a woman deserves to be treated by a man.---And this lesson begins from observing how our father treats the women in his life.
This is one of THE most important things my father instilled in me (as a female child). The example fathers set for their little girls in this area sets the stage for how they view themselves as they grow into adulthood. It has the power to bolster success and create a sense of self-value and self-respect...or the power to self-loathe, feel substandard, and accept maltreatment.
I am grateful to my father for always treating everyone the way he would like to be treated...and this went beyond body parts and hormones...no matter the color of skin, financial status, education level...it didn't matter...ALL RESPECT...all the time. The lesson I learned from this was double-edged...on one hand this showed me the way I should treat ALL people (regardless)-- and on the other, it showed me how I deserved, as well...to be treated by others (regardless). However, the fact that he was male and I was female, added the dimension of male/female relationship, which was not overlooked....but rather....very astutely observed. Because we know at a young age that there are differences between boys and girls and we learn from our parents how that bridge is gapped or crossed. Our parents teach us that that boys and girls get married and have children, so the dynamic of THIS type of relationship is what we seem to be most curious about. How our parents communicate and treat one another is the first exposure we get to the schematics (for the lack of a better term) of the male/female relationship. So in this instance....action is the teacher. They say that little girls want to "marry their fathers" or find a man like him...so it is very important to send your daughter down the right path. You are being watched constantly in your interactions with others....please be observant of this and teach your children the value of character and integrity by being a living example. Kids are smarter than we sometimes give them credit for--and you pretty much determine whether this is a good or bad thing.
THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING:
To my dad: I remember the last words you spoke to me the day you left...and I carry them and the sentiment from which they came each and every day and they are the very words I cling to every time I may not feel so good about myself, or when I am afraid, feel alone....or just when everything just gets to be too much. They pull me up, dust me off, and give my ass a little pat and shove me back into the game with that winning attitude. As I look back at our relationship and see clearly where I stand now in my life, I realize that it was my immense respect for you that came from your ever-present display of the words of instruction you spoke to me that really allowed me to learn from you. It was never a "do as I say, not as I do" attitude--but rather..."watch and learn." You set a solid example for me as a child that would prepare me for what I would inevitably face in my adult life.
LOVE AND CONCERN ERASE THE LINES OF GENDER ROLE PLAY:
I have had to be both the provider and protector and the nurturing supporter in my children's lives, so to me, there are no "pre-issued responsibilities" or roles to play or fulfill--after all, I am the parent of both male and female children. It is all about LOVE. Whether you are a mommy or a daddy...LOVE and CONCERN is the cornerstone to raising healthy, well-adjusted children to adulthood. It is not enough to just "put in your time"...but you have to make that time meaningful in order to make a lasting impression...one that surpasses even the physical absence of the one you spent it with.
MY EXPRESSION OF GRATITUDE--Final word:
So to daddys everywhere who see their children as a precious gift, temporarily given to them to mentor and guide, to love and to cherish, to teach the art of unselfish and unconditional love, my deepest heartfelt gratitude and respect goes out to you. The one thing about parenting that rings true is that we don't even realize how much our children end up teaching US. They teach us how to GIVE without expectation of anything in return. They teach us how to LOVE in a manner that only produces MORE love. Their regard for our contribution to their lives begins to show as they grow into their own lives and begin to welcome their own children into the world.
Accept THEIR teaching and respect them (no matter how old they are), allow their opinions to matter...and above all...always, always, always have THEIR best interests in mind and in your heart...say "no" when what they want is not the best thing for them...and if they don't understand your reasoning or your explanation...leave it for them to figure out on their own (because they will). They have their own mind, their own interests, their own path to follow. Walk with them, stand beside them, and when they go off on their own...stand back and watch them take flight. We all want the best for our children...and it does begin at home.
ROOTS first...then wings. They first need a solid place to stand before they can develop the courage to fly. Our children do and will always need your presence and example while you are physically able to give it to them--and your task is very, very important. What you leave to your children after completing the circle of your own life is a priceless legacy of virtue that physical separation cannot touch and continues to grow through generations. My father was the most important man in my life. No man has ever been more trusted with my overall well-being than he...and this, he earned. THAT is what makes a father so very special. There is no one like you in the world!!
So from the depths of my heart...I thank all of the men out there who realize and take to heart the privilege of being called dad by that special someone. And those of you with daughters...when it's time to let go of her and you "give her away"...send her with your heart. She will carry it with her always.
God Bless & Happy Father's Day!
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