Good Sunday morning people!!
As I promise, so I deliver...Part II of Star-gazing...
As I read through my post from yesterday, I touched briefly upon a quote from Mark Chironna that pertained to negative/positive reinforcement and added to it a twist of sorts, where it is my stance that if you are WHOLE within yourself, that neither of the two really have the POWER to condemn nor create. With that being said...there are two sides to this and it is really a double-edged sword. There is the giver and the receiver, there is the reflector and the reflectee and for any negative or positive reinforcement to "take a hold" on anyone, the "conditions" have to be right.
In this type of dynamic, it is IMPORTANT to realize that who you are, and the inner work you have done to become who you are lies only in how you VIEW YOURSELF. It comes from the sometimes VERY uncomfortable task of LOOKING deeply within yourself, being completely honest with yourself, and laying your ego aside, feeling ashamed of yourself for mistakes made...BUT THEN, redeeming yourself in them the NEXT time you are faced with a similar situation by doing things differently. The feeling that comes from changing mistakes made in the past going into the future, creates a feeling of positive reinforcement in YOURSELF that cannot ever be touched by an opinion or a nice gesture from another. Please don't misunderstand...I am in no way saying that your efforts being recognized by another are of no use or value...but it is HOW we use it and where the value lies that matters. This is how we know the difference...if we are HUMBLED by a "compliment" or if we are nurtured by it. If we, in the latter, become "dependent" upon this type of positive feedback from others...how easy is it to slip into a pattern of "addiction" to this very thing...and we all know what addiction does...it creates tunnel vision and it becomes the ONLY thing that matters...and we will DO ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to GET IT. This is what creates the IMBALANCE in all of this. We place WAY too much importance upon this "positive reinforcement" from others, when really, all we will ever need or want CAN be found within. If you have the strength to resist the temptation to fall into NEEDING this type of thing from others and USE it only to verify and solidify those efforts that YOU alone have put forth FOR YOU, and it propels you to keep on with the mission of growth and autonomy, then it has no choice but to lead to genuine altruism, and in this, there is NO selfishness.
So, we have established that the person whole within themselves really doesn't expect or go about life needing the acceptance or fanfare from another. They do not put others in a position of reflection because they take the responsibility for how they themselves reflect.
What about those who are not whole, or have become dependent upon the nurturing qualities of constant positive feedback? Is it the "whole" person's responsibility to take on this kind of task? NO. It is not. What kind of feedback do you think that these people have gotten within their lifetime from others---AND...here is the million dollar question..."does this have as much to do with the way they view themselves, their lives, and others as HOW THEY VIEW THEMSELVES? There are people out there who have had the BEST of opportunities laid out before them, have had supportive and nurturing relationships in childhood through adulthood..who have had "positive reinforcement" OUT THE YING-YANG who become one who searches for constant reinforcement, constant admiration, right? WHY? Because if you ENABLE someone to become dependent upon your VALUE of them, they NEVER have a chance to seek out the value in themselves. So here is a HIT on positive reinforcement...there can be TOO MUCH..we strive to achieve BALANCE.
I take what others say to me and of me with a grain of salt because they do not know me like I know myself. They do not know that I am my own worst critic, they do not realize that nothing they say can effect me any deeper than those things I say to myself. I don't need their "assistance" one way or the other because my MISSION in this life is to HELP myself, improve myself. I already KNOW where I need to improve, the mistakes I have made, the progress I am making or lacking, and what needs to be DONE to alleviate the feelings I already HAVE of myself for the above mentioned and what plan of action I am going to execute to change those things. I also find that when someone pays me a compliment or thanks me for something I've done or said, I feel guilty that I have solicited that kind of "praise" from them, and will often say "please don't thank me for that"....It humbles me...and YES, it does make me feel valued but ONLY in the manner that it endorses that how I view and know myself is in congruence with how I am seen and known, which is the "inside out" concept. It The flip side of this (of course) is backwards "this is how I am seen and known, therefore, this who I strive to become." In one scenario the foundation is BUILT...in the other..it is under CONSTANT construction.
So to wrap this up kids.... INTERDEPENDENCE VS. INDEPENDENCE. Exclude the middle-man.
Good day...blessings and best wishes to all.
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