Greetings!
As per my post yesterday, I will let you all know, that I am teaching my "alarm clock" how to "give" a little and how to NOT be so DEMANDING. As per usual (lately), 5 o'clock seems to be HER time...but she is learning that 6:30 a.m. is more MY time and who da boss up in heeyah..yeah,that's right! She is a bit disappointed, I can tell by the "turd-under-her-nose" look on her face...but hey, you'll have that from time to time I guess..hehehehe. She remembers being "put out" yesterday but that sharpened tunnel-vision overcomes her I guess, so she TRIED...with her little attempts to pull the covers off of me. Although, ignoring her attempts today did get a little easier...she conceded MUCH more willingly this morning--and when "I" decided it was time to get up, I made sure I played with her and gave her a good pettin' and lots of love to "reward" her for her "better" behavior.
The days of the "doormat" are coming to a close...and how pathetic to come to this realization by the actions of your PET!! But...I guess whatever works for ya. I talk a bunch about personal responsibility but I have found over the past couple of days that having a bit of self-respect makes TAKING that responsibility much easier. Kind of like greasing the wheels a bit. It is so easy for us to play the victim isn't it..I think we become accustomed to being walked over and don't give it a second thought UNTIL we DO....and then, well, don't know bout you, but what I see in the mirror is a shadow of my FORMER self--and in keeping with that line of thought...
I was thinking just the other day that I believe that who we really ARE inside is displayed the most freely in our teenage years. We are so free-spirited, aren't we? No REAL responsibility, no bills hanging over our heads, and everything is pretty much provided TO us...so all we have to do is LIVE. Although it was quite a selfish existance (from what I can remember..LOL), it was nonetheless a very real being true to myself. There are a lot of factors to take into consideration; however, like I was in no way versed in what adulthood would throw at me, the immense responsibility of caring for and nurturing my own children to adulthood, or just the STRESS of the immense juggling act of it all. There are SO many more things to take into consideration as we age. We were living in oblivion...but is there a place of equal measure in this? Sure there is...the trick is to FIND it. Maybe our chance at this would be what is termed "mid-life" crisis...but is it a crisis at all, or a gift to us? I mean, how many times have we all seen the stereotypical 40-something male donning the toupe, driving the covertible sports car, when just last week, he was Joe Shmoe, driving a ratty old pickup, bald as a billiard ball content to work in his workshop or do the yard work-OR-the middle-aged woman professionally-dressed to the 9s attending college courses biting off big dreams of "making something of herself" when just last week, she was content to laze around in her sweats, pulling weeds from her flower garden, attending her children's sports events, only dreaming of far-away places she would like to see--tears in her eyes because EVERYTHING she put herself into and had ever known as an adult was disappearing before her very eyes, and she was left with this empty, restless feeling that only with sleep could she escape. Could this be a call back to ourselves instead of a crisis...I mean, with all of that said, haven't we ALL said of a mid-lifer at some point "he/she is acting like a teenager." I remember having LOADS of self-respect back then...there was NO ONE gonna walk on me, dash my dreams, or tell me what to do or how to live my life. Do we become our own worst enemy through the years of adulthood..or do we just soften? I do seem to recollect; however, that everytime I decided to exercise MY RIGHTS as a teen, there was always someone to answer to...is this the difference? Are we afraid to take a step back to ourselves in adulthood because of the lack of a safety-net, a rescue from our mistakes? Whatever it is, it needs to be reconciled one way or the other cuz, where the rubber hits the road, we are really all we have, right? It is difficult to even fathom taking all of what we "lent" to others of ourselves and feed it back to the source isn't it? All I know is that what I do with myself...I want it to mean something. I don't want it to be just some temporary measure to make myself feel important or "young again"...I want it to stick and permeate, so that I can be proud to continue on in it and reveal it as a very important chapter of the book of my life. It seems that it almost has to be the mix of the reckless abdandon of the teenager with the level-headed experience of adulthood... and our very own teenagers can really take us back there, can't they? In this, the circle of life, it seems that the student does INDEED become the teacher. It's really more about attitude than anything I guess, in what direction that attitude is pointed....and the harmony which is achieved in using the best attributes/additions we have obtained/added to our attitude throughout the different phases of our lives. The balancing act never ends, does it?
"To have faith means to dare, to think the unthinkable, yet to act within the limits of the realistically possible; it is the paradoxical hope to expect the Messiah every day, yet not to lose heart when he has not come at the appointed hour. This hope is not passive and it is not patient; on the contrary, it is impatient an active, looking for every possibility of action within the realm of real possibilities. Least of all it is passive as far as the growth and liberation of one's own person are concerned.... " ~ Erich Fromm.
DO SOMETHING JUST FOR YOURSELF today...be careful, be safe, and DON'T limit your experience in it to just your head!! Feel it, be it, LIVE it...Peace!
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