PART I:
Well, now that I have gotten all formal introductions outta the way and ya'll realize (somewhat) where MY mindset is and how I operate...time for a little venting...ahhh..where to begin...let us see...Well, how bout here...yeah, how about the "cleaning of the closet" so to speak...where we wake up one day...and think.."WOW, there are a lot of people who are just sucking the life outta me and come to think of it...they offer nothing in return" Well, I have gone through a period of deep thought related to this very thing and this is my take:
Say you are the type who believes that there is a thread of "common decency" in all people and that no matter how rough-around-the-edges or what kind of trouble they "seem" to be or have caused in the past or even in the present, mistakes they have made, or just stupid decisions they have made, you can see some form of "light" inside of them...maybe there was some sort of trauma in their lives that they had no support through, or maybe they suffered abuse, or maybe they weren't taught nor did they ever acquire adequate coping skills....other than avoidance, irresponsibility, excuses, and blame.
And suppose you are the type who is compassionate, empathetic (and/or empathic), with understanding as wide as the sea stretches from land to land, and within you is a need to forgive because above all else, you need to be able to live with yourself and your compassion for another's struggle is WAY bigger than the circumstances that are thrown your way by these people. Say that you are the type who was born with LARGE shoulders and have always put others above yourself and it bothers you NOT to "back-seat" your own needs and feelings in favor of the "greater good.?"
Well, according to most therapists...YOU would be termed "a rescuer." And I step back away from that definition and say "so what?" What is really wrong with "rescuing" someone you love and/or care deeply for? Here is what is wrong with it....when it begins to TAKE AWAY from you...it is unhealthy. When you find yourself confused most of the time by someone else's actions and explanations of such...when you find yourself seemingly constantly "trying to make sense" of situations and you find that most of the problems in your life are not a direct result of YOU, decisions you have made, and it always seems to come back to certain people and you incessantly nontheless find yourself "over-your-head" deep in them, it is time to do some closet cleanin' people. If you do not, you will find your self-esteem, your credibility, your life's aspirations, the character and everything that means anything to you that you have worked your entire life to build at serious risk... if not completely destroyed.
I've learned (the hard way...funny, but it always sticks better that way) that nowhere in the definition of love is shouldering responsibility for an assault brought on by another...(that would be likened to asking a rapist to help you heal from what HE/SHE had done to you) Nowhere in the definition of humanity is doing FOR someone, but offering your assistance...if they don't accept what you offer, they then take the reigns of their own life and the way in which they live it...we cannot fix everything..unless the problem lies within ourselves. You find you give all of yourself away and when the object of our "rescue" decides to fall into familiar patterns of avoidance, making excuses, laying blame, and RUNNING..with all the energy you've expended to just make life with them LIVEABLE..then you find yourself fighting your way outta that brown paper bag...learning though, always learning. : ). Distance seems to be the ticket for this ride. Knowing where the uncrossable line inside of yourself is...because people will take advantage when the opportunity is wide-open to them..Let them own their life..you own yours. Too much of anything is not good for anyone...
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